the godly life of ba'al

summon my high priest, immediately.
yes, o great god ba'al.
you wish to see me, lord?
what is the meaning of this?!!
of what, o lord?
your sacrifices! you call those. . . virgins?!
oh. that. er, yes, we, uh, we sort of. . . ran out.
ran out?! of virgins!? are you shitting me?!
oh, no, ba'al. there's a real shortage out there. they've become quite rare, actually.
inconceivable!!! I put you in charge of getting me virgins!!
yes, and I'm doing my best, under the circumstances.
soccer moms? you use soccer moms for my sacrifice? did you think I wouldn't notice?
we thought you might be. . . tired. . . uh. .
what? tired? me? are you serious?!
this isn't ancient canaan, where virgins were everywhere. times have changed.
find them! virgins are my. . . thing! you know that!
yes, o lord ba'al. but you know. . .
what?
maybe you could give up on the sacrifices?
you mean like jehovah did? be like him?
I know you don't like him, but. . .
he ran my ass out of town, you turd! remember?!
yes, yes. a terrible day. terrible.
now get back there, and get to work! ba'al has needs!
yes, he does. by the way. . .
yes?
how's the used car business doing?
oh, not too bad. sold 25 units last month.
good to hear. definitely. so you like new jersey?
well, they could worship me more, of course.
yes, of course.
otherwise, yes. I like my freeway exit.
good to hear, o lord ba'al. very good.