Humor

Yea... now it is 31 October. Happy Halloween! Marker and pastels on 12 by 12 inch card stock.

-and this public service advertisement is brought to you by TADDD (Turkeys Against Dedicated Drumstick Devourers ). Marker and pastels on 12 by 12 inch colored card stock.

Many years ago I received a piece of sage advice: Never let the truth get in the way of a good story! It wasn't really quite this simple when, at forty one degrees below zero this morning, my son broke his garage door but hey…. This makes a better story!:-) Marker on colored card stock.

OK, so Kōbō Daishi was wandering around Shikoku Island and came across a young Buddhist monk squatting by the edge of a raging stream. There were well placed stepping stones across the stream but, on the first stone there were two weasels, one big one and one little ittsy bittsy one, stretched out enjoying the sun. So! Kōbō Daishi says to the young monk: "Wassup?" The young monk replies: "Downer man, I wanna cross this here stream but these here two weasels sit smak in the middle of the first rock blockin' it. Can't cross lessen I move one and if I do I'll be upsetting the little guys and picking up some bad karma. So! So daddyoh, which one had I otta move?" Kōbō Daishi thinks just for a second and says: Hey man, tain't no thang, just move the smaller one. Everybody know that when placed is such a difficult situation it is alway best to choose the lesser of two weasels.!" Faber-Castell Pitt artist pen and watercolor wash on Bee's Bogus rough sketch paper. 9 by 18 inches. One of the first rules of punning is, of course, never ever explain the pun. However… as this is a bit cross-cultural I'm make an exception to the rule: First, Kōbō Daishi was a Buddhist monk in the ninth century who is closely associated with the 88 temple pilgrimage on Shikoku Island Japan. Second, a major principle of politics that, when necessary to make a choice twix two bad policies one need choose the lesser of two evils. So! Sigh. Jokes and puns are funnier before one explains them! :-)

Based on a dream I had last night.... (I'll be replacing this with another rendering, on this one you can't read, clearly, the writing unless you view original size.)...[There, I've replaced it!]

Back when I was a boy and a bit, in the late fifties, early sixties, probably 1959, I was hitchhiking from Gainesville, Florida to New York City. One ride dropped me off at a crossroads just outside of Waycross, Georgia. It was a cloudy cold day, traffic was light and what there was just drove on by. After a while, a few hours without getting a ride, it started to rain, and then harder rain, and then hard blowing rain. There was a large sigh beside the road, I don't remember what the front of it said, probably something like: "Welcome to Waycross, y'all come, but don't y'all stay too long, now!". I got behind the sign to get out of the wind and rain a little bit and found it covered with graffiti, things like: "I'VE BEEN STANDING HERE TWO HOURS AND STILL CAN'T GET A RIDE." and ""I WISH I COULDA READ YOUR NOTE BEFORE I GOT OFF HERE, I'VE BEEN WAITNG FOR 6 HOURS!" and "BEEN HERE 2 DAYS, TELL MY MOMMA I LOVE HER." and lots and lots more including: "WHAT, YOU MEAN THE GRAYHOUND BUS DOESN'T STOP HERE?" Eventually I did get a ride, all the way through the Carolinas, before the police stopped the driver, -but that's another story. :-) Sakura "Pigma Sensei" 1mm marker on Aquabee vellum, 5 by 11 inches.

At the life drawing session at the North Pole Grange last week, while the model was posing in repose, I got to thinking about sunny beaches, the tropics, and chance meetings…. :-) Pitt pen and Portfolio water soluble oil pastels on 11 by 14 inch sketch paper.

So this week's every day matters challenge was to draw our hair in the morning. Hey, some of us have it really really easy! :-)

This week's challenge over at the Everyday Matters Yahoo group, challenge number 304, is to draw something you can tie. So! There are 37 seconds left in the last quarter, the ball is on the 5 yard line, it's 4th down and goal and the score is...... Faber Castell 'big brush' pens on Bee's 'bogus rough sketch' paper, 9 by 18 inches.

Howdy pilgrim! Pull up a wicker chair and sit a spell. relax, take it easy. Slow down, you're been runnin' an' runnin' but not gaining any ground, and anyway.... Haven't ya ever wondered what happens if somehow you actually win the rat race? ;-) Faber Castell 'big brush' pens on Bee's 'bogus rough sketch' paper, 9 by 18 inches.

Faber-Castell pens on Bee's 'bogus' rough sketch paper. 9 by 18 inches

This morning's random thought was 'to paint a purple pony'. Since Jack and Mariko were over last night, and Jack being a 12 pack kind of guy, the pony in my mind became a pony (small keg) of beer. Now for the back story: In the seventies my daughter wanted a goat. As she was my little AAP (Alaskan-American Princess) I, of course, fenced a little area, built her a little goat barn therein and bought her a little goat who soon answered to the name, Aries, -if she felt like it. Jumping ahead a year or so, we threw a mid-summer party, a picnic out in the yard. For the party I'd bought a pony of beer and tapped it for the guests. Well, one or two o'clock in the morning, after the last guest had left, we had a well earned sleep. Next morning, around six, I awoke, abet a bit bleary eyed, to my daughter screaming; "Daddy, daddy, come quick, Aries is sick she just lays there and won't move!" So! Out I go to find Aries sprawled on the ground, next to the keg, with a silly look on her face. Doing the long white night (24 hours of daylight) she'd gotten bored in her pen, figured out how to nose open the gate latch, played with the beer hose until she got the spigot open and finished the dregs of beer left in the pony. She, Aries, was fine, of course, after she slept it off, She didn't even have a hangover! Watercolors and watercolor pencil on Canson 140 pound cold pressed. 11 by 15 inches.

Li Po, one of the eight immortals of the wine cup, as Du Fu said: 'Give him a jug of wine and he'll write a hundred poems!' Thanks for the idea, T'lane! Faber-Castell 'big pens' on Bee's 'bogus' rough sketch paper. 9 by 18 inches.

Unbeknownst to her closest friends, Sara, the mousy mild mannered stenographer by day, come darkness dons her tights and stiletto heels and goes forth in to the mean streets of the city with her trusty brush and bucket, transformed in to the city's filth's most feared enemy, Lady Bubbles, The Famous Grime Fighter! Ink, watercolor, 9 by 18 inches

Here's the back story: It seems my son, Gareth, got an email congratulating him on the Red Fender Telecaster guitar, made in Mexico and now in Japan, that he just won at auction for $800. But there was a minor problem, he didn't bid on it! He couldn't imagine how this could have happened, but the only thing he could figure is that somehow body movements pushed the buttons on the iPhone in his pocket (the slang expression for this is butt dialing) in the exact sequence to get him to the auction site, select that guitar to bid on, bid on it and confirm that he had the winning bid. A real stretch, but he just couldn't figure any other way it could have happened. So! He called the seller in Japan, explained that he didn't really bid, etc., etc., etc. and breathed a sigh of relief when the seller said 'no problem' and the order was canceled. But! Later in the day his four year old daughter, my granddaughter, Sanoe (pronounced 'sah-no-ee') told him; "Hey daddy, while you were cooking supper last night, I bought a real cool guitar for you!" After a few minutes of open mouthed silence he asked: "Wa, Wa, Wa, What.... do... you... mean, Sanoe?" She said: "I found it on your iPhone and I bought it just for you!" He said; "It's eight hundred dollars!". She said; "So?" He said; "It's in Japan!" She said: "Cool!" So any of you out there that have precocious four year olds, let this be a lesson to you, take the moral of this story to heart: Don't whatever you do, send your precocious four year old to Montessori school, else this could just happen to you! -Unless, of course, you are more mature than my son (whom I often get the feeling is just about the same age as his daughter.), and have enough sense to NOT let your child play with your cell phone, your computer, etc.! :-) Soft pastel on 12 by 12 inch colored stock.

This week's Every Day Matters challenge; something that should have been invented. Forget the TV, forget the cell phone, forget the iPad, we NEED the iWay! -grin- Just in case you are one of the 37 million people in the world that can't read my hand writing, I said above: 'The iWay! Forget about airport security, forget about subway waits, forget about taxis in the rain.. Take out your iWay, pick a destination, press the button and you're there!' inktense watercolor pencil on 8 1/2 by 11 inch scrap paper.

You've seen the Geico commercials? ink (with brush) & colored pencil on 5 b 8 inch colored stock.

I was doing a quick study last night at a drawing session and the hand ending up looking so dead and lifeless -I decided I might as well just cut it off. Oh well... :-) ink and water soluble oil pastels on 11" X 14" sketch paper.