Arkitektura

why are we here? you mean you don't know? it's a total mystery to me. I've been wrestling with that issue for years. not me. I know why I'm here. really? you figured out the secrets of the universe? what? no way. I'm here for the free fish fry. actually, I can go with that. mystery solved then.

hey, eugene, is that you? yeah it's me, but don't say my name on the phone. why not? because the government's probably listening in. aw, you believe that? I do. they're tapping everyone's phone. good thing your name's not really eugene, then, right? what? It's just your code name. right! my code name. good going frankie. hey! no names! not even your code name? oh, yeah. I forgot. ok, so what did you want? huh? damn. I can't remember. well call me back when you do. ok. and my name's not eugene. right! you all hear that? ok, frankie, see you. later eugene.

that's it. that's what? that's where my money is. in there? no. on there. what are you talking about? see those tiles? they aren't really tiles. what are they? my money. after a little molecular engineering. interesting. but why are you telling me? can't I trust you? sure. you bet. have we met? great.

you summoned me, lord ba'al? yes. why isn't the divine remodeling I ordered complete? we are striving to comply, lord, but. . . where is the red flock wallpaper? the pink and green chintz curtains? my marble likenesses in extreme flagrante delicto? the artisans are hard at work, but. . . I had to down tons of viagra to model for those, you know. it will be an unparalleled shrine to your amazing taste, o craven one. in fact, I'm still a little, you know, tender. we pray for the health of your. . . thing, lord. yes, well, thank you, I’m sure.

what are all these civilians doing here, corporal? civilians? they're, ah, tourists, captain. sir. tourists? in this military facility? ridiculous! ah, yes sir. we're, ah, decommissioned, sir. what? on whose orders? we could be under siege at any moment! that's why we have our cannons trained on the. . . on the. . . . where the hell are all our cannons? um, probably taken to a museum? or melted down? or something. why wasn't I informed of this!? it's all on the fort's web site, sir. web site, did you say? what's a web site? I want those cannons back. AND our cannon balls! do you understand me, corporal? yes, sir. can't have one without the other, sir. I guess. the very idea! send a telegram! President Hayes needs to be informed! what is this world coming to?

how was confession, stanley? actually, edna, it was great! really? yeah! father herb told me that all those things we aren't a sin! what? none of them? just about! can you believe it? not even. . . you know. not even that! the lord doesn't care! who knew? wow. and what about that other thing? you mean. . . ? yeah. father herb says forget it. that's a sin. definitely. it is? yeah. but screw it! that's what confession is for, right? yay!

hey roy, let's go eat. sure. you drive. ok. car's right here. what? in there? yeah. there a problem? I mean, they let you? it's mine. don't need permission. cool. taxes are a bitch though. tell me about it. yeah? that tower over there is not cheap. c'mon! I gave you a good price. yeah, but still.

what are we doing here? I had to. why? I've been coming here for years. so? I can't explain it. does it have anything to do with the fact that you work here, father? well, there's that. somehow I thought so.

you summoned me, o great pharaoh? yes, steward. we have a little problem. problem, sire? it's the undead. they're at it again. oh no. what now? well, among other things, they've been seen in public. you know I can't abide that. makes the populace. . . anxious. true. they may be undead, but I'd rather suffer through seven plagues than have to deal with this PR problem. got it? I'm on it, master. good. now what's next on the agenda? moses, lord. he wishes an audience. that wack job? what does he want now? no idea, lord. fine, bring him in. how important can it be?

eureka! what, professor? my boy, we've uncovered a major find. of historic value! what is it? clearly, it's the bony structure of a proto-pterodactyl! are you sure? oh yes. the extended beak is a dead giveaway. beak? there's a beak? and look here! 3 eye sockets! amazing! 3 eyes? on a dinosaur? we've discovered a never-before-seen sub-species! the world's only 3-eyed animal! it's a total scientific breakthrough! professor, I don't think. . . a new sub-species! I'll be famous! turn it over. maybe there's 3 more on the other side. brilliant! I never thought of that! glad I could help. I must hire a press agent! this is going to be big! stupendous! maybe even in a good way. eh? what's that? and for this I gave up a career in real estate? I'll need a new suit! right away! maybe even a tie!

we found it, private. what's that, sir? the portal. there it is. at last! portal to what, sir? the other side. the 4th dimension. an alternative universe! are you sure about that, sir? no question, private. my guru told me about this. was that in officer training, sir? well, no. it was allen ginsberg. at a poetry reading in 1968. oh. but he knew! he knew! of course, sir.

what's up, claude? hey maurice. I started a new diet. really. which one? I eat anything I want, as much as I want, whenever I want. that's a diet? maybe not a good one. but the result of clean living! of course it is. can I get on it too? absolutely. grab yourself a hot dog. ok. hey, this is a great diet! I feel better already! me too! and pop open another beer. this diet makes me thirsty. you got it.

hey lars, what's up? oh hi, fred. I'm headin' to the cell meeting. what meeting's that? the W.U. the what? shhh. not so loud. the Werewolf Underground. wow, what's that? it's, you know, a secret society. ah. underground! yeah. and it's a full moon tonight, so. . . I gotta get ready. so you're a . . . you know. . . yeah. I am. damn! why do you meet? we go over things. werewolf etiquette, latest howling technique, flea and vermin eradication, stuff like that. sounds exciting. not. and after, I hunt prey with my wolfen brothers. whoa! you won't tell anyone, will you? me? no way! good. meet me at the park, at midnight. ok. midnight. right. and bring a friend. a friend? I'll be very hungry. sure, lars, sure. I'll, ah, I'll bring two! one for yourself? good thinking. yeah. isn't it?

slave! I need you! yes, lord ba'al. look at this garbage text someone sent to me! a text? let's see. "they demolished the sacred pillar of ba'al, then tore down his temple and made it into a latrine, which it is to this day." well?! it's a quote from the bible, lord. 2 Kings 10:27. it's trash! heresy! it kind of sounds like a threat. who sent it? you know who. you mean, jehovah? he texted you? I knew I should have given him a better price on that '49 Mercury. and maybe disclosed the defective oil pump? that too.

say goodbye to louie. whaddya mean, boss? I mean, say goodbye. he's gone. where'd he go? he's right in there, sol, and he ain't coming out. how come? because he's under 40 tons of wet cement is how come. oh. gee. at least there's no bullet holes in him, right? actually, there might be a few. gee. too bad. I kinda liked louie. but not too much, eh sol? no boss. not too much.

the key is in there. key to what? a secret passage. really? must be. ok cool. how do we find it? just press all these things. see if something moves. what's on the other side? hope and glory? you sure? no, but that's what came out.

hi jerry. love what you've done to the yard. hey lars. thanks. everything going ok? well, no. since you ask, actually it sucks. how come? turns out my brand new pick-up won't fit in the garage. damn. so I either park it in the driveway, or make the garage bigger. and I do not want to park it outside, know what I mean? so what're you gonna do? add on to the garage, of course. so now the wife is going nuts, cuz of what that'll do to the new patio. damn, that's tough. how am I supposed to enjoy golf today when I'm dealing with this shit? sucks to be you, don't it, jerry? I knew you'd understand. jerk. hey, don't mention it.

paulie! we gotta go! the cops'll be here any second! we're all set boss. the house is hooked up and ready. whaddya mean, the house? you said to pack up; that we're taking everything. I didn't mean the house too, you idiot! how fast can it move? um, at like a slow walk, the, uh, mover said. paulie! the cops ain't exactly gonna be walking! yeah. I didn't think of that. well think about it now! we gotta get outta here! you want I should, like, call an uber? why? we have a car. well, yeah. in the garage. on, you know, wheels. you're moving the garage too? it's attached! and you like that car! I thought you'd want to take it. I did! by driving it! very fast! hey, I bet the mover has a second gear. how's that? it's over. just bring me a coffee. sure boss. a muffin too? why not.