Arkitektura

what was that? a minor earthquake. nothing to worry about. are you sure? it sounded like a bomb. don't be silly. is it safe in here? oh yes. our engineers foresaw all eventualities. so what are these readings on that little machine you have? well, um, those are roentgens. 10,000 of them. that can't be good, can it? no. not good. that's for sure. where are all these engineers of yours, anyway? ah, they said they had to attend a meeting. a meeting? all of them? where? ah, in Cleveland, actually. no earthquake there, I bet. no. not much roentgens, either.

no police. let's make our move. I don't think so. this place creeps me out. aw, c'mon. it's just an old church. can't help thinking about joey, and the last house. ok. so there was a little incident with the undead. an accident. it happens. an accident? he's a fucking vampire now, man! ok, cool your jets. and what about you? your teeth got so huge lately. and you only eat raw bloody hamburger. I'm on a diet. that's all. I can't remember the last time I saw you in the daytime. I'm busy. just get over it. ok. but jesus, it sure smells musty around here. you go first. I'm right behind you. and breathing hard too. just excited about the job is all. yeah? trust me.

how are you today, lord? hello, archangel. what's up? your people need you more than ever, lord. which people? on earth, lord. remember it? yes,I was still experimenting with the creation thing then. right. well, the humans' time is about up there. you think? yes, they've over-populated and stripped the planet. too bad for them. I gave them brains. let them fix it. they can't agree on anything, lord. then they'll end up in the toilet, won't they? they need guidance. oh, ok. send a few messengers. carry my word. what should they tell humankind? just this: wise up or die. how's that? simple. direct. will they understand? you mess with my trees, my rivers, watch out. yes, lord. I am no god to be fooled with, no way. of course, lord. only idiots crap in the bed in which they sleep. now go. I'm working on this 4th dimension thing. oh? yeah, they're gonna love it on arcturus. they will sing your praises, I'm sure. whatever. but those humans? you tell them: they break it, they own it. yes lord.

the committee vote is today. be there. I'm going for collective bargaining. all the way. they'll try and smash us you know. that's what management always does to the workers. but they won't get away with it this time, right? right. we stand together, no matter how many goons they bring. right? right. solidarity forever. good. now break out the axe handles. we'll need them. to bargain at the table? it's a tough crowd. can't be too careful. right.

I heard something. down there. go check it out. I'm heading up. this place is a maze. don't get lost. back atcha. remember: they catch you. they eat you. how could I forget? but they're so damn fast. well, they can't outrun a flamethrower. good thing too. if you see the hive, turn and run. got it. maybe toss a few incendiary grenades at it first. of course. I'm here to have fun. you and me both.

lord? a moment? good morning, archangel. what is it? it's the libraries lord. they're closing them. what do you mean, closing them? they're full of books. yes, lord. it's to save money, they say. they think they can get by without reading? yes, well, they prefer other forms of communication. such as? well, mostly using facebook. that abomination? while our libraries close? it is worrisome, lord, isn't it. more than that. I'm about to be very peeved. I'm sure they'll realize their error. I'm not so certain. facebook, eh? what are you thinking, lord? of a remedy I used in the good book. yes, the good book. it never gets old, does it. that's the thing about books. it's something they appear to have forgotten. what will you do, lord? look up 'virtual flood' for me, archangel. virtual. . . oh, I see. interesting plan, lord. no ark to save them, this time. arks are so. . . yesterday. truly, lord.

welcome to 1st National Bank. may I help you? yes, I need a loan. ok. how much of a loan? oh, say $10,000. ok. and how would you like to secure that loan? what do you mean, 'secure'? well, what sort of collateral do you have? collateral? well, I've got my dog, eugene. your dog? how much is your dog worth? he's worth the world to me, know what I mean? yes, of course. but what would he be worth, to the bank? well, he's a damn good hunting dog. and he's very smart, and can play the piano. oh can he? well! can he play rachmaninoff? like a champ. knows that stuff like the back of his paw. well then. just sign here, and we have a deal. sure. well, actually, eugene will have to sign for me. oh? yeah, he's much better at financial stuff than me. surely. I'll just go get your cash, ok? you betcha. eugene's gonna be very happy. is he? this is for his new car, you see. well, isn't that nice. yes. he likes fast cars. so do I. I don't doubt it.

am I in the right church? all are welcome here, brother. that's good. I need to pray to my patron saint. which one is that? oh, st. debtfree. I don't believe I've heard of that one. yes, he's the patron saint of all deadbeats. aren't you referring to st. bernardine of siena? well I tried him. he told me I was worthless. oh, I'm sure he didn't. yeah, he loaned me 50 bucks. I welched. so now you want to pray to st debtfree? yeah, I need him to get bernardine off my back. that guy is relentless. well, now you know. you said it. I need a miracle.

what's the word from our spies on earth, centurian? all is going according to plan, master. earth is defenseless. excellent. deploy our troops. full mobiliization. yes, master. shall we follow usual procedure? absolutely. save only those we'll eat. with pleasure, sire. tender little morsels, those humans. I've always thought so, o wise one.

I believe I have a reservation. yes, sir. your room is upstairs and in the back. thank you. I'm sure it will be fine. I hope you don't mind the visitors. what visitors? the ones who pass through walls. walls? they like to check out the new guests. do they? especially in the room where they died. I see. well, perhaps I should take another room? oh no. they're waiting for you. waiting? better get up there. don't want to piss them off. no, I'm sure that would not be good. not good at all, believe me.

next time you're in town, you can stay at my place. really? you got room? we can find a spare bedroom for you somehow. won't it be crowded? maybe, but we'll manage. you sure? pretty sure.

I'm here to see Big George. I don't think he wants to see you. yeah he does. I got something for him. let's see it. can't do that. then you ain't going anywhere. wrong answer. yeah? who says? mr smith. and mr wesson. I see. let me just tell Big George you're here. not a chance. you're right. it'll be a surprise. that's for damn sure.

I've found you a new headquarters, o master. yes? I told you I want it to be discreet. it's almost invisible, lord. the humans won't notice we're in there? they'll pay us no mind, lord. they are so clueless. well, how do we get it? we have to lease it from the landlord. who is that? some guy named ba'al, master. a real asshole. ba'al? strange name for a human. he owns property, as well as a used car business in some place called new jersey. whatever. how much does he want? $25,000.00 US per month, lord. what? that's highway robbery! I think so too. we threatened to kill him, but. . . but what? he laughed. he says he's a god. what an irritating race, these humans are. good tasting, though, eh? their only worthwhile attribute, far as I'm concerned. he wants cash, by the way. figures.

police line. no crossing. I just want to know what happened in there. I can't disclose that. it's too awful. c'mon. give me something! I'm a reporter! worst case I ever saw. that's all I can say. did they catch whoever did it? they know. but they don't care. what? what do you mean? I mean, a crime took place, and nobody cares. was anybody hurt? you could say that. where's the body? you're lookin' at it. what? that? the building? like I say. worst case I ever saw. I think I may agree with you.

I hear 'em. they're close. stay away from the window. they'll see you. hell, they can smell us anyway. we're fucked. don't say that. we've got a chance. two chances, actually: slim and none. man, that howling drives me nuts. sounds like there's hundreds of them out there. probably are. and all hungry. hungry for humans. the few of us left alive. just stay low. maybe they'll wander off. I don't think so. too bad the ammo ran out, eh? old news. get your knife out. wish I had two of 'em. ok man. this is it. they're here. get ready. I don't think the sun's coming up today. we'll see about that.

can you believe the gall of that guy? what guy, lord? ba'al. writing to tell me I'm behind in my payments. payments? for that little cottage he sold me a while back. well, are you behind on the payments? damn right I am! the place is a dump! then why did you buy it? he sweet-talked me into it. that charlatan! you let him talk you into buying a house? I know! I know! I should have taken care of him long ago. maybe the house can be fixed up? it would take an act of God to do that. well. . . oh, right. well, I meant that, you know, rhetorically. of course, lord.

stanley, let's go for a ride on the grounds. have the man bring the carriage around, would you? of course, edna. but what shall I wear? oh any old thing will do, for a ride. can i wear this, then? heavens no! whatever are you thinking? of course, dear. I'll just wear my usual hunting jacket. and ascot, of course. yes, of course. and my jodhpur boots, I suppose? you are so dashing, stanley. thank you darling. you look absolutely smashing. even without my diamond brooch? of course. a little sacrifice I feel I must make. for the times. so good of you, edna. do you think the servants agree? without a doubt, I'm sure. tell them we'll take lunch on the terrace would you? they will be delighted to hear it, I'm sure.

edna, do you know where I packed the battery acid? it's in your other bag, stanley. how about the jumper cables? hmmm, I don't know. all I have here is the wet suit. dammit, edna! well, I'll just call room service. I'm sure they can run some up right away. they better. my nipple rings are tingling already. ooh, you devil.