Explored

welcome, my son. thank you father. you come for the service? um, maybe. we offer food afterward. oh? care to stay? absolutely.

good morning, herr doktor. my boy, you are about to participate in a great discovery! put this on. what is it? it's a space-time continuum machine! space consists of 3 dimensions, while time has only 1. yeah? space-time must, therefore, be a 4-dimensional object. I will now, for the first time, create that object! press this. ok. w-w-w-whoa! what's h-h-h-happening? mein gott! it works! you're stretching from the past into the future! w-w-w-what? how interesting. siri, make a note: he's turning into something that looks quite like spaghetti! n-n-n-n-o-o-o-o-o! don't worry. I'll look into reversing the effect. p-p-p-p-promise? of course! as soon as I find another subject, I mean assistant.

he got away, man. what do you mean, he got away? he was fast. you're a dog! it's your job to get him! he had wings! who knew? excuses. that's all I ever hear from you. yeah, it's tough.. so can I play with the boom stick now? forget it.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy. just in time to help with my demonstration. of what? how proctologists can minimize the chance that their colonoscopy patients will suddenly explode! what? now pull down your pants and bend over. doktor! what is that thing? it's. . . huge! this, er. . . probe? mein gott! it's quite heavy. but don't worry! you'll hardly feel the pain. eventually. but. . . ! butt is right! (hmmm. that reminds me: I'll soon need another assistant.) you will? to clean up the mess, of course! the things we do for science!

is this the way out? I suppose so. there's no other way around here. ok. will you keep an eye out for me? an eye out for what? the law. oh. well, I am a police officer. may I help you, sir? uh, no, officer! I'm just traveling through here. well have a safe trip. but you might want to stash that piece where it's not so obvious, know what I mean? uh, this? that. right! of course! thanks. no problem.

good morning, father. good morning, my son. can you maybe help me out with something? of course. the red candle is taller than the yellow candle. the yellow candle is taller than the blue candle. which candle is tallest? tallest? hmmm. can I see them? I'm afraid not. is there a prize if I get it right? of sorts. you get to consider yourself as smart as Egon. who's that? my pet bird. wow. so, uh, Egon got it right? he did. is he, you know, around? forget it. you can't ask him. bummer.

hey comrade. you going to the party? what party? you gotta go! all the guys are gonna be there! yeah? who's all the guys? you know: joey stalin; vlad lenin; karl marx; leon. . . leon? who's he? trotsky. oh. I dunno. those guys are kind of a drag. rosa luxembourg will be there too. rosa? she is a total babe! ok, I'm there. good. you bring the beer. me? why me? because those other guys are complete deadbeats. that is so true.

darling, it's a great day for a walk, don't you think? sorry, not now. I'm too busy with spring clean-up. ok. what time will you be finished? you mean what year, don't you? uh, year? and move your car. it's blocking the garbage hauler.

what's happening? I'm waiting. for what? for the portal to open. portal? to where? you may not want to know. but I do! sure? yeah! stand here. ok. what's gonna happen? nothing. nothing? to me. but you're about to become my mindless entertainment for the day.

do you believe in heaven and hell? no, but I believe in you and me. I think god would approve of that. me too. so we should get to heaven, right? probably not from here, though. no, probably not.

ok, mrs. lubner, it's all done. let me see. . . what the hell is this? isn't it awesome? you call that a paint job? well, yeah, among other things. are you nuts? I guess they didn't tell you. I'm the antihero in this movie. that explains a lot. don't it though.

the new air raid shelter is finished, major. excellent. let's have a look. hardened steel installed? as per your specs, sir. 6 foot cement walls? absolutely. extra-thick ceiling cap, with no openings? no open. . . what the. . . ? wait a minute! are those. . . holes in the ceiling of my bunker, corporal? uh, yes, sir. that's what they look like. sir. it's completely open! what is the meaning of this outrage?! we, uh, thought you'd like some. . . decorative touches. sir. decorative touches?! are you serious? we can change them, sir. we could, ah, make them a little more, uh, square. sir. square? you think that would be more appropriate, design-wise? oh, yes, sir. certainly sir. they would match your buttons! hmmm. they would at that. very well. see to it, corporal. right away, sir! who'd have thought? a tiny little decorative touch can go a long away, right? yes sir! very much so, sir!

I'll take it. take what? I'll take this place. what do you want for it? sir, it's not for sale. this is a public university. don't give me that. everything has a price. how much? I see. well, how about 50? 50 thousand? er. . . . right! well, I don't have that kind of cash on me right now. how much do you have? let's see. . . $200. it's yours. really? enjoy. bye. where are you going? my bus is here. I have an. . . appointment. can't miss it. oh, well thank you! it's been a pleasure. a real pleasure.

centurion: alert the crew that we are approaching earth. yes, master. we'll dock in the middle of that city. won't we be spotted? I mean, we're an arcturan star cruiser. have no fear. the new design of our craft is perfect. the humans will never even see us. we'll be. . . invisible. it is somewhat unconventional, isn't it, master? you think? the ship was built to look like one of their many abandoned auto factories. we'll fit right in! as they say, when in rome, do as the romans do. we're not going to rome, centurion. not even close. it's just a figure of speech, master. learn another. and say nice things about detroit. I do, I do! all the time.

think you can do it? I reckon. how far's the target? see that peak out there? he's on it. hell, that's gotta be several miles away. could be. that's a long shot, even for you. true. but take a look at. . . this. shit! that thing's huge! biggest they make. a few miles is no problem. amazing how far water balloon technology has advanced! it's a great time to be alive. no doubt.

look, dear, the girl scouts are selling cookies. let's get some. go ahead if you want. but I don't see a future in it. what? it's cookies! I'm just a little pessimistic today, sorry. what about? oh, armageddon. the end of the world, that sort of thing. whatever brought that on? dunno. must have had too many blueberries on my pancakes this morning. that'll do it, all right. I'm sure it has nothing to do with those incoming contrails. what? where? forget it. we better eat those cookies. before they melt.

how are things on earth, archangel? dismal, lord. humans refuse to take responsibility for their actions. an old story. what should we do, lord? nothing. they'll have to figure it out. and if they don't? it'll be very messy for a long time, I'm afraid. but what about earth, lord? you made it. and I flooded it. it looks like it's gonna flood again. is there another noah to build an ark? forget the ark. that was a bad idea. it saved the animals. people too, though. my mistake. so no ark? no ark. been there. done that. time to move on. still, I wish something would remain. oh, I imagine even humans can't destroy everything. really? I'm not so sure. me neither, actually.

you wanna get a drink later? can't afford to. I have a meeting. really? talk is cheap. it's with my lawyer. so, not so much.