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darling, it's a great day for a walk, don't you think? sorry, not now. I'm too busy with spring clean-up. ok. what time will you be finished? you mean what year, don't you? uh, year? and move your car. it's blocking the garbage hauler.

what's happening? I'm waiting. for what? for the portal to open. portal? to where? you may not want to know. but I do! sure? yeah! stand here. ok. what's gonna happen? nothing. nothing? to me. but you're about to become my mindless entertainment for the day.

Do you believe in heaven and hell? No, but I believe in you and me. I think god would approve of that. Me too. So we should get to heaven, right? Probably not from here, though. No, probably not.

ok, mrs. lubner, it's all done. let me see. . . what the hell is this? isn't it awesome? you call that a paint job? well, yeah, among other things. are you nuts? I guess they didn't tell you. I'm the antihero in this movie. that explains a lot. don't it though.

the new air raid shelter is finished, major. excellent. let's have a look. hardened steel installed? as per your specs, sir. 6 foot cement walls? absolutely. extra-thick ceiling cap, with no openings? no open. . . what the. . . ? wait a minute! are those. . . holes in the ceiling of my bunker, corporal? uh, yes, sir. that's what they look like. sir. it's completely open! what is the meaning of this outrage?! we, uh, thought you'd like some. . . decorative touches. sir. decorative touches?! are you serious? we can change them, sir. we could, ah, make them a little more, uh, square. sir. square? you think that would be more appropriate, design-wise? oh, yes, sir. certainly sir. they would match your buttons! hmmm. they would at that. very well. see to it, corporal. right away, sir! who'd have thought? a tiny little decorative touch can go a long away, right? yes sir! very much so, sir!

I'll take it. take what? I'll take this place. what do you want for it? sir, it's not for sale. this is a public university. don't give me that. everything has a price. how much? I see. well, how about 50? 50 thousand? er. . . . right! well, I don't have that kind of cash on me right now. how much do you have? let's see. . . $200. it's yours. really? enjoy. bye. where are you going? my bus is here. I have an. . . appointment. can't miss it. oh, well thank you! it's been a pleasure. a real pleasure.

think you can do it? I reckon. how far's the target? see that peak out there? he's on it. hell, that's gotta be several miles away. could be. that's a long shot, even for you. true. but take a look at. . . this. shit! that thing's huge! biggest they make. a few miles is no problem. amazing how far water balloon technology has advanced! it's a great time to be alive. no doubt.

look, dear, the girl scouts are selling cookies. let's get some. go ahead if you want. but I don't see a future in it. what? it's cookies! I'm just a little pessimistic today, sorry. what about? oh, armageddon. the end of the world, that sort of thing. whatever brought that on? dunno. must have had too many blueberries on my pancakes this morning. that'll do it, all right. I'm sure it has nothing to do with those incoming contrails. what? where? forget it. we better eat those cookies. before they melt.

you wanna get a drink later? can't afford to. I have a meeting. really? talk is cheap. it's with my lawyer. so, not so much.

good morning, herr doktor. good morning, my boy. did you notice how warm it is today? yes, it's brutally hot out there. it's my ozone collector! it's working, collecting prodigious amounts of ozone, to store in my unique pressure chamber. are you saying. . . yes! it is I who now controls the climate! but why would you want to do that? to be king of the world! ha ha! but what will happen to the earth? earth? a minor footnote in the history of the cosmos! that sounds a little extreme, doktor, I mean. . . I'll be rolling in money! it's party time!! oh my god. I fear for the planet. I'm gonna shake that. . . er, what do you call it? you mean, booty? yes! it must be shaken!

what am I doing here? it's just routine. face the wall. am I being arrested? no further questions. I was just walking by. we know. empty your pockets. I think maybe I need a lawyer. that's against the rules. what rules? it's all in today's tweet. tweets aren't rules. they are now.

my liege, the visigoth hordes surround us. call out the archers. man the parapets. we did that, my lord. but they are too many. nonsense. use that boiling oil thingy. pour it on them. yes, lord, we are. but they still surge the walls. well then, call in an air strike. a what? nuke the bastards. nuke them, my lord? never mind. I got that out of a book I found on the internet. the. . . what? forget it. it's nothing we need worry about for another 1000 years or so.

edna? wanna go for a walk? not now, stanley. my favorite TV show is starting. well, I need some exercise. ok, go take your walk then. I will. see you in a couple of hours. that long? to take a walk? and to stop for ice cream, of course. go work those muscles. I totally abuse the machine. of course you do. hot fudge sundae, I presume? only 2 scoops! I'm cutting back. impressive.

I received this summons. just have a seat, sir. did I do something wrong? did you? well, I see you've been quite busy on twitter. is that so? I guess. is that a crime? it depends, sir. you don't have a good opinion of our leader, do you. so what? you don't seem very proud of your US citizenship. no, not very proud at all. that's an insane thing to say. we'll see about that, sir. you'll. . . see about it? oh yes. we will.

sergeant, the general is inspecting today. I want the men looking sharp in drill. it has to go like clockwork. and I mean perfect. this place will be in tip-top shape, sir. does that include your quarters, sergeant? they're a tiny bit messy sir. partied a little too hard last night. messy? it looks like a bomb went off in here! why don't we tell the general it's our explosives lab, sir? maybe he'll want to blow something up himself. you think so? easier than cleaning it. sir. good point, sergeant.

whaddya wanna do, eddie? I dunno, joey. wadda you wanna do? wanna ride the bus to the end of the line and back? that sound like fun to you? not really. ok cool.

how was your day, stanley? awesome, edna! just by chance, I found that prime retail space I've been searching for! what kind of business do you want to open? well, I thought it would be a coffee house/book shop, you know, with poetry readings and stuff? that sounds nice. yeah, but now. . . now what? a tire store! you want to sell tires? whatever made you change your mind? inventory, edna! it's all about the inventory!

how was your day, dear? miserable. they made me stay and work overtime. ouch. I hope the pay is worth it. it's ok, but, man, those floaties are a bitch to control sometimes. good thing you're tough. tell me about it.