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it's a beautiful night, boss. it would be, if your cousin angelo did his job. whaddya mean? he didn't deliver the package. he didn't? which means I gotta find him, before our friends find me. whaddya want me to do? bring him to me. ok boss. once I get my hands on that rat angelo, then it'll be a beautiful night.

another message from the KGB, prime minister. what about, sergei? agent orange, sir. didn't the amerikanskis stop using that defoliant years ago? not the chemical, sir, our mole in the white house. ah, yes. such a perfect and ridiculous alias. well, what about him? still up to his usual tricks? he never stops, sir. he knows his debt to you can never be repaid. so reliable. has he learned to spell yet? not even close. he just mis-typed the opposition as the 'democratic panty.' ha ha! how freudian. such a moron. our moron, right sergei? bigly, sir. believe me.

eureka! what, professor? my boy, we've uncovered a major find. of historic value! what is it? clearly, it's the bony structure of a proto-pterodactyl! are you sure? oh yes. the extended beak is a dead giveaway. beak? there's a beak? and look here! 3 eye sockets! amazing! 3 eyes? on a dinosaur? we've discovered a never-before-seen sub-species! the world's only 3-eyed animal! it's a total scientific breakthrough! professor, I don't think. . . a new sub-species! I'll be famous! turn it over. maybe there's 3 more on the other side. brilliant! I never thought of that! glad I could help. I must hire a press agent! this is going to be big! stupendous! maybe even in a good way. eh? what's that? and for this I gave up a career in real estate? I'll need a new suit! right away! maybe even a tie!

we found it, private. what's that, sir? the portal. there it is. at last! portal to what, sir? the other side. the 4th dimension. an alternative universe! are you sure about that, sir? no question, private. my guru told me about this. was that in officer training, sir? well, no. it was allen ginsberg. at a poetry reading in 1968. oh. but he knew! he knew! of course, sir.

what're we doin' here, boss? it's the end of the line for our passenger. passenger? it's just you 'n me here. he's in the trunk. he is? I don't hear nothin'. he's beyond makin' noise. there's a shovel too. so? so get out and dig. why here? because this is where he ends up, that's why. got that? got it.

lars, what the hell is going on? who knows, claude. we elected a madman. we did. and you know what neitzche said. yeah: madness is rare in individuals, but is the rule in nations. so he's not the madman, we are? he's a venal, narcissistic child. and us? we're nuts for not caring. meaning we got what we deserve. awesome. you want another drink? yeah. and keep 'em coming.

slave! I need you! yes, lord ba'al. look at this garbage text someone sent to me! a text? let's see. "they demolished the sacred pillar of ba'al, then tore down his temple and made it into a latrine, which it is to this day." well?! it's a quote from the bible, lord. 2 Kings 10:27. it's trash! heresy! it kind of sounds like a threat. who sent it? you know who. you mean, jehovah? he texted you? I knew I should have given him a better price on that '49 Mercury. and maybe disclosed the defective oil pump? that too.

how's the ride, bert? great. it's gonna be in the big parade. really? you mean, you finally put in an engine? after all these years? well, no. it'll be towed. towed? in a parade? to celebrate procrastination pride! I gotta say, that's perfect. it is, right? totally.

do you like the room, edna? it's lovely stanley. that was quite a party last night. I'll say. did you return the lamp shade? what? the one you were wearing on your head all night. I don't really recall that edna. check your web site. the pics are all there. should I be worried? only if you have no sense of humor. I do though, don't I? you better.

sir! I'm here to report on the results of my mission. proceed. I infiltrated the enemy's compound and destroyed the target as ordered. you blew up the cannons? excellent! cannons? um, no. I ate all six cases of yogurt though. maybe even seven. yogurt? you mean to tell me the enemy cannons can still shoot at our ships? you said Dannon! destroy the Dannon! didn't you? oh my god. and I hate yogurt! eating that stuff was the hardest thing I ever did! you are a true patriot. I’m still bloated. I see. it shows?

we been here a while boss. stop whining. that's what you gotta do on a stake-out. you think he spotted us? that moron? no way. I only asked because of the camera. what camera? the one that's pointing right at us. that's a camera? shit! good thing we wore suits today, eh? wish I combed my hair. what'd you say? nothing! never mind! we done here, boss? it looks that way. thought so. what you say? nothing!

what's up, jerry? hey, marv. I just opened my new store! looks great, eh? yeah, but, dude, it's inside an abandoned warehouse. so? so how you gonna get customers? easy! word of mouth! whose mouths? rats? hey, they need stuff too, don't they? yeah, but their credit probably stinks! cash only, my man. wow, jer, you think of everything. gotta have rules.

how is the experiment coming, doktor? excellent my boy! all is ready! what is it? I'm creating a new physical world! really? where? why, right here, of course! feel the heat! you mean, like another earth? exactly! can you imagine? what about the one we have now? now? well, mother earth is about to. . . disappear. all the people on it too? people? people are over-rated. but. . . my girlfriend? she'll be. . . gone? yes of course. now put your finger right here. what does this do? it's the history eraser button. my own invention. go ahead and press. what happens then? this miserable world will cease to exist! it will be the dawn of a new age! but we won't be here to enjoy it! what do you mean, 'we?' haha! you mean. . . ? you're looking at the emperor of the new earth! at last! uh, doktor, are you taking your meds? meds? what meds? bow to your new lord and master! think I'll go home, doctor. see you tomorrow. maybe. maybe not! haha!

hey steve, how's the new speech coming? it's gonna be great, don. the best. good, good. I wanna kill 'em tonight. you will. just read your lines. they'll be eating out of your hand. yeah, but you know I can't do that, right? do what? read. my lines. just can't do it. well your hair looks great. you think so? wish I had some. but you can! all it takes is money! that's all? and a certain lack of. . . confidence? what? nothing. you wanna mention the hurricane? what hurricane? uh, the one that just happened? oh, right. ok, but only if I get to throw in a shot at horseface. really? it's genius, right? no doubt about it. so true.

hey Bert, you bring your mitt? got it. what position you playing? outfield. ok. who's gonna play first? right. whaddya mean, right? who's on first. that's what I asked! and I just told you. is this some kinda joke? you mean you don't know? know what? what's on second. what? that's right.

what are we doing here, arkady? I don't like this place. nobody does, comrade. well then? we have an informer in our midst. that's not possible! unfortunately, it is. do you know who? I do. he's in there. in. . . there? has he talked? oh yes. quite a lot. what about? about. . . . you, comrade. me? says you're his contact. no! it's a lie! maybe. we'll find out. what. . . what happens next? I think you know. isn't there anything I can do? say your prayers. that's funny, arkady. a lot of good that would do me. I really can't think of anything else. that's just great. well, you asked.

hey, man, mind if I set up my sleeping bag here? actually, yes. I slept here last night, and will do so again tonight. so don't even think about it. ok, thanks hey, what did I just say? I'm sleeping here tonight. not you. but I found it first. didn't you hear what I just said? where do I plug in my laptop? what? does this look like a motel room? my battery died. that is not my problem. you are just bad karma all the way around. you'll get over it, hippie.

I'll miss this place. whaddya mean? it's disappearing. crumbling piece by piece. it is? pretty soon it'll be gone. gee. that's kinda sad. it is. good thing we have each other, right? yeah, sure.