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I'd like a room, please. on a higher floor, with a nice view. yes, sir. we have many. . . views here. would you like running water? well of course! it comes in through the windows just fine. the windows? and the roof, what's left of it. I'm not sure I know what to say. is there a bed? bed? well, there might be a mattress. mind the, ah, burn spots. sounds delightful. do you get many guests here? well, it is the tourist season. so you're booked? with you here? definitely.

don't you love nature? I do. but you know what I love more? what's that? being with you. really? and dinner, of course. right. sleeping too. ok forget it.

are you home, edna? I'm outside and can't find my keys. I'll have jeeves let you in. how was the meeting? there was way too much tequila, edna. way too much. oh well, that happens. yes, but is it my imagination, or does the house look a little. . . different? what do you mean, stanley? I'm not sure, actually. was it good tequila? I'd say amazingly good, apparently.

it looks like a nice day today. yeah? what's so nice about it? what? is there a problem? I'm with you, ain't I? thanks for reminding me.

are you ready for this? whaddya mean? it's just a first date. think, man! what if things get dicey? um, I dunno. just remember this: you follow the rules of engagement. there's rules? for a first date? she's a woman, ain't she? watch out. are the rules, you know, effective? not really, no. but when you're all alone out there on a storm-tossed sea, anything you can grab onto is a comfort. storm-tossed. . . I'm starting to feel a little queasy. you can't be too prepared. just sayin'. maybe I should wear a helmet. I recommend it. definitely.

uh, hello miss, is this china? I'm sure it is, or my name isn't christopher columbus. china? no sir. I don't know what china is, but you and your big boat must have missed your turn. oh, I did? oh. so, uh, I go back that way? yes. just go back. you'll find it, I'm sure. ok, well thanks, miss. sure, no problem. ok, boys, you heard the lady! this ain't china! so captain, what do we do now? we turn around and keep looking! that's it! queen isabella ain't gonna be happy, sir. I can't help that! you see that flora and fauna? it's obviously not chinese, right? uh, I guess. . . clearly, there's nothing of any use to us here! back this ship up! it's on to china! we're close! very close! I can feel it!

where am I? you're dead. you're in heaven. be happy. I'm dead? this is heaven? where's the pearly gates? that's them there. that? you sure? yeah. don't believe everything you read. but. . . where's angel gabriel? gabe? gabe's not here. you got me instead. murray. murray? who are you? I'm your guardian angel. so shut up and sign in. where's. . . god? he ain't here neither. on vacation, I think. vacation? he goes on vacation? from heaven? he gets real bored, actually. can't blame him. where does he go? oh, he's got a place on a lake. he does? yeah. one of those inland seas in michigan. I have to say, I'm disappointed. this place is. . . is what? it's so. . . I don't know, trashy, and. . . filthy. hey, you better listen up. god likes it this way. he does? but why? because of all you morons with your heads up your asses. excuse me? that's right. self-righteous hypocrites, is all you are. god says that? says more than that, actually. but you didn't hear it from me, you understand? sure, ok. you flap your lips, I'll fuck you up good. got it? are you sure this is heaven? hey! what'd I tell you, huh? you disrespecting me? no sir. not at all. it's just. . . this ain't no country club, ok? this is heaven, dammit. you're here to work, understand? yes, sir. you people are so dumb. expecting miracles. but they promised us eternal life, with the lord. huh! lord's got no time for that, fool. now go see leon. who's he? your crew boss. he's your lord, from now on. are you sure this isn't a bad dream? dream? ha! ain't no sleeping allowed here! so just tell me: if this is heaven, what's hell like? ain't no hell. just heaven. had to downsize. downsize? yeah. because of the economy. so you missed hell. I feel so lucky. that means nothing to me. now get to work, dammit!

guess what, edna. I put a down payment on our dream house! wonderful, stanleyl! when can we move in? very soon. it just needs a little fixing up. ok. are the curtains nice? well, no. there's no curtains. and, in fact, no windows either, actually. no windows? is it. . . . livable? not really. but it's got a great view, I promise. and it's heavily fortified against attack too. what. . . ? take it from me: that was a strong selling point. I'm sure it was, stanley.

ok boys, are we ready to play some ball? I am, but since I brought the ball, I'm pitching. whoa, dude. you know you can't pitch. you play outfield. forget that. if I can't pitch, I'm taking my ball and going home. but that would mean nobody can play! you really want to shut down the game? if I have to. where'd you learn to be such a jerk? the white house channel, why? not a surprise.

hey marcello, check out this new temple door! it’s too much! yeah, that guy michelangelo? he's on a roll! all those gods and chariots, and nubile young virgins. I know. it's just this part here I don't get. oh, that? yeah, I asked him about that. what'd he say? what is it? aw, he mumbled something about hydraulics. hy. . . what? I dunno. earth moving equipment and excavation. man, that dude is heavy! tell me about it. he's on another plane altogether! I'm hip!

lord, a moment? what's up, archangel? archaeologists on earth have uncovered something. is it interesting? extremely. it's an image of you, creating the world. really? done by who, I wonder? I can only guess, lord. but perhaps. . . yes? perhaps it was done by one of your contemporaries; possibly even your nemesis. ba'al? hmmm. come to think of it, he was slinking around in the background while I was working. that snake! he probably made me look awful! actually, lord, you look pretty good, I think. really? totally bad ass, in fact. which defines me. right? all the way, lord.

so carl, how do you like your visit to Michigan? it's been great, claude. weed is legal here, and everything! glad you like it. but when are you gonna show me the old train station you keep telling me about? you're looking at it carl! I am? you are! ok then. I don't think I'll need any more weed tonight. that's fine, carl. very efficient weed you got here. pretty sure I don't need any more. not at all.

hi jerry. love what you've done to the yard. hey lars. thanks. everything going ok? well, no. since you ask, actually it sucks. how come? turns out my brand new pick-up won't fit in the garage. damn. so I either park it in the driveway, or make the garage bigger. and I do not want to park it outside, know what I mean? so what're you gonna do? add on to the garage, of course. so now the wife is going nuts, cuz of what that'll do to the new patio. damn, that's tough. how am I supposed to enjoy golf today when I'm dealing with this shit? sucks to be you, don't it, jerry? I knew you'd understand. jerk. hey, don't mention it.

wake up! who's hungry!? who do you think? all of us. well, I say let's cook up something to eat! great idea. where are we gonna do that? in the kitchen, of course! ok. so, not to be picky or anything, but do you mean the modern dream-home kitchen of the future? um. . . yeah! the one with all the latest, up-to-date appliances and shit? that's the one! cool. I'm going back to sleep. don't wake me til I find it.

where is everybody? they're supposed to be here. you're late, comrade. they've been and gone. gone? did they vote on the chairman's proposal? they cast their ballots. on the walls. walls? and floor, and steps. as you see. I do see. I do. very spirited, this vote. yes, it's quite obvious. and your vote, comrade? got an extra spray can?

paulie! we gotta go! the cops'll be here any second! we're all set boss. the house is hooked up and ready. whaddya mean, the house? you said to pack up; that we're taking everything. I didn't mean the house too, you idiot! how fast can it move? um, at like a slow walk, the, uh, mover said. paulie! the cops ain't exactly gonna be walking! yeah. I didn't think of that. well think about it now! we gotta get outta here! you want I should, like, call an uber? why? we have a car. well, yeah. in the garage. on, you know, wheels. you're moving the garage too? it's attached! and you like that car! I thought you'd want to take it. I did! by driving it! very fast! hey, I bet the mover has a second gear. how's that? it's over. just bring me a coffee. sure boss. a muffin too? why not.

that you earl? it's been a while. hey, sal. where you been, man? oh, you know, here and there. well, welcome back. staying long? nah. I'll be leaving once the sun goes down. jeez, earl. it's about down now. so it is. where you gonna go? I'll know when I get there. sounds like a plan, sorta. maybe. only one I know.

I'm off to work, dear. ok. what are you doing today? the usual. defending the rich against the powerless. that's nice. no it's not. I coulda done something, I don't know, more meaningful. what do you mean? but then I had to go get expelled from angel school. I know. a shame. but your clients love you. I suppose. and they do have loads of money. now go deny some claims. right. after all, it's not christmas, is it. that's the spirit.