honeyj's photos

Where's Larry? He's bringing the package. Tell him to hurry up. It's almost dark. Why does that matter? Because, idiot, this light is special. Yeah? So? And the package happens to be very photogenic.

Lord, a moment? What's up, archangel? It's your people on Earth again. Life is hard for them. It should be. They screwed up their world. They can pay for it. Still, is there nothing you can do for them? Well, for a start, they can stop wasting time expecting eternal life. But that fiction gives them hope. Too bad. They should do something constructive with their lives; not waste them praying for salvation. Ain't gonna happen. Then what is the purpose of life, lord? Purpose? Find someone. Fall in love. Be productive, if not creative. Too bad the bible doesn't tell them that. The bible? Pulp fiction. Semi-entertaining trash. Didn't you write it? Me? No way. It was Murray. Murray? Who's he? Some con man trying to make a buck. I let him have the movie rights. Really? What do I need them for? Big of you, lord. Hey, that's how I roll.

Amazing! What Herr Doktor? My years of archeological fieldwork have finally paid off! After being buried for centuries, the masterpiece is revealed to the world at last! That stuff over there? Isn't it just a bunch of stuck together driftwood? Exactly what the ancients wanted you to think! Wow. What is it then? That's what is so exciting! Etched onto its surface are precise yet ancient runes that I have now translated! What do they say? They are a warning! A very dire one at that! Like what? They predict nothing less than the end of the world! They do? When? Actually, pretty soon, I imagine. What? How pretty soon? "Soon" being after dug up and revealed to the world. Shit! Doktor! You're doing that right now! So it appears. Quite a, how do you say? Bummer, isn't it? I think that would be the word. Bummer. Indeed.

Slave! I need you! Yes, lord Ba’al. I’ve finished by autobiography. You may examine it. Ok. Wait. What's this? You're calling it 'God of All Gods'? Indeed! An accurate title, if I do say so myself! Pretty self-important, even for you, lord. My people love me! Based on what evidence? Your point? May I be frank? If that’s your name. Actually it’s Kothar-Wa-Khasis. But you can call me Kevin. Whatever. Anyway. You may recall that your godly ass was kicked out of heaven ages ago. And look at all the suffering mankind has endured since! When I think of what might have been! You mean from here at the used car lot? The miserable souls and tortured wretches I could have saved! Except those you suckered into buying a shitty used car, right? Yes, of course. Except for them.

We got another shipment, Earl. How big, Clyde? A whole truckload this time. Damn. That won't be easy. That's why I want you to handle it. Why not you? Too dangerous. But not for me? C'mon! Chocolate mint girl scout cookies? You know I can't resist. And you think I can? Dream on. I'm dreaming, all right.That we finally manage to complete a delivery. One time. This is a nasty business we're in, Clyde, It is. You got your milk thermos? You had to ask?

What's the next clue, Stanley? Ok, Edna. It says we turn left just after a big pile of concrete, then we look for a blasted hole in a wall. Like we haven't seen many of those. Then what? We're supposed to find a pink bunny. A bunny? In this place? Are you sure, Stanley? I dunno. That's a mystery. Maybe we took a wrong turn somewhere back there. Maybe several wrong turns. Yeah maybe. It also says to avoid falling through the floor. What floor? Yeah, another mystery.

Good morning, class. Good morning, Mrs. Lubner. Today is art day. Are we ready to be expressive and creative? Yes, Mrs. Lubner! Did you all bring your spray cans of paint? Yes, Mrs. Lubner! Ok, you may begin! Can we paint anything? Anything at all! Just try to avoid aiming for each others' eyes. Yes ma'am!

Good morning, Herr Doktor. My boy! Look at this! What is it? A major scientific journal is publishing my latest groundbreaking thesis! Great! What's the topic? Through precision field testing, I've determined that the longer a particular cow has been lying down, the more likely it is that it will soon stand up! Wow. And that's not all! I have answered the eternal question of whether, once a cow stands up, it can be predicted when it will lie down again! Can it be? Not without severe and persistent encouragement! Brilliant, eh? Please put these scientific tools away. A cattle prod? And jumper cables? And what's all over your clothes? Oh yes.At the moment I jumped on the supine cow it unexpectedly rolled over onto its back. Things turned a little . . intimate, in a manner of speaking. Mercy! Actually, her name was Bernice.

May I help you? I'm just browsing, thanks. You sure got a lotta junk in here. Junk? I see no junk. This is all merchandise. And it's all for sale? Everything you see. Some of it may need a little work. Don't we all. Yes, but that's who we are. Makes no sense to pretend otherwise. Not that we don't try. We do, don't we. All the time.

Where am I? You're dead. You're in heaven. Be happy. I'm dead? This is heaven? Where's the pearly gates? They're a myth. Forget about them. You sure? Don't believe everything you read. But. . . What about Angel Gabriel? Gabe? Gabe's not here. You got me instead. Murray. Murray? Who are you? I'm your guardian angel. So shut up and sign in. Where's. . . god? He ain't here neither. On vacation, I think. Vacation? He goes on vacation? From heaven? He gets real bored, actually. Can't blame him. Where does he go? Oh, he's got a place on a lake. He does? Yeah. One of those inland seas in Michigan. It's, like, heavenly. I have to say, I'm disappointed. This place is. . . Is what? It's so. . . I don't know, trashy, and. . . filthy. Hey, listen up! God likes it this way! He does? But why? So that all you morons with your heads up your asses can clean it! Be halfway useful for once! Excuse me? That's right. Self-righteous hypocritical pricks, is all you are. God says that? Says more than that, actually. But you didn't hear it from me, understand? Sure, ok. You flap your lips, I'll fuck you up. Got it? Are you sure this is heaven? Hey! What'd I just tell you? You disrespecting me? No sir. Not at all. It's just. . . This ain't no country club! This is heaven, dammit! You're here to work? Got it? Yes, sir. You people are so dumb. Believing in miracles. But. . . but, they promised us eternal life, with the lord! Lord's got no time for that, fool! Now go see Leon. Who's he? Your crew boss. Your lord and master from now on. Are you sure this isn't a bad dream? Dream? Ha! Ain't no sleeping allowed here! So just tell me: if this is heaven, what's hell like? Ain't no hell. Just heaven. Had to downsize. Downsize? Yeah. Because of the economy. So you missed hell. I feel so lucky. That means nothing to me. Now get your ass to work!

Yes sir, what can I do for you? I need a new ride. Mine died. You're in luck. Take a look at this baby. Just got it off the back of a truck; I mean in a trade-in! It's the perfect P.H.T.D. What? Post-Human Transportation Device. Huh? You heard me. it's a known fact. We are evolving as a species. I recommend being prepared. Evolving into what? Dunno, but not in a good way. Take a look around. A lower form of life, way it's looking. But this thing? It doesn't exactly look safe. That's it! It's perfect for the coming post-human world! So it'll get me where I need to go? As is? Not a chance! You'll need armor plating; bullet-proof glass; a particle beam disintegrator; that's for starters. I can get all that for you at a discount, if we do it today. So this new world. They won't be enforcing traffic and safety laws? No law; no order; no social norms. Total anarchy! Where the weak are killed and eaten! Gee. But I'm not sure about the color. I'll paint it! So it'll match your baby blue eyes! The wife will like that, right? She'll love it! Ok, I'll take it. Great! Go see Guido over there. I recommend you let him see your hands at all times.

Hey, Purvis, I've got a new marketing idea to take to the board. Great, Don. Things are a little slow around here. It's can't miss. The board'll eat it up. What's the basic model? We invest in rat futures! That's your plan? How does that work, market-wise? C'mon, man! Think of it! Rats ARE the future! Hmmm. You know, the board might actually wanna jump on that. Totally! I knew that MBA would come in handy some day. The one your father paid for? Yeah, that one.

Whatcha doin', Frank? I'm setting up for the attack. Attack? What attack? Don't you know? The North Koreans, man! They're coming! I'm gonna be ready. They won't know what hit 'em! But Frank, this stuff, it's, like, 19th century. Fire and fury! And no hacking these bad boys! Gee. Shouldn't this be something for the president to handle? That moronic dirt bag? Are you serious? No, not really. Great. Now go grab some cannon balls. You got it.

Rocco, it's collection day. Get out there and make the rounds. Ok, but hey boss, can you get somebody else to do it today? Whaddya mean, somebody else? I dunno, it just seems, like, unfair. What are you talking about? Collecting money from people who don't have it. What exactly is your point? Well, it just feels like, you know, the rich taking from the poor. Let me ask you something: you like breathing? Uh, yeah. Do you want to keep on breathing? Yeah. Do I need to be any clearer? No boss. I’m on it. Good.

I heard that most buildings are built to last 50 years. That doesn't seem like much. It isn't. I'd like to think that there’s something in this world that is made to endure. Unlike us, you mean. Exactly. We are mere fleeting shadows in this life. Noisy ones, though. Well we gotta let somebody know we been here. They know. Maybe about you they do. In a good way? Ha ha.

I'm only gonna say this once, mister. Yeah? What's that then? I suggest you point that thing somewheres else. And if'n I don't? It's your funeral, friend.

Time for your weekly report, Private. Is it safe out there? No, sir. Radiation levels are still way beyond toxic. Even two years after the war ended. Fuckin' bugs. They'll think twice about invading Earth again sir. Maybe. But look at the devastation they left. Yeah. Fuckin' bugs. What did you say, Private? I mean fuckin' bugs, sir!

Egon, can I ask you a question? Sure Lars. Go ahead. What is it that makes people fear what they don't understand? You want my opinion? Because they're morons. Is that really what you think? No. What I really think is that they're useless fucking morons. Thanks. May I quote you? Any time.