honeyj's photos

what'll you have, buddy? gimme a Malignant Narcissist, barkeep. what's in it? simple. Lysol and orange juice. I just heard it was great. orange juice I got. Lysol though? check under the bathroom sink. good idea.

I’m going for a jog in the woods. wanna come? nah. I already had my exercise for the day. yeah? what was that? well, let's see. I got up. went outside. had a smoke. walked down to the road. picked up the paper. walked back. had another smoke. and. . . that's about it. impressive. be careful you don't overdo it. I know. but I gotta feel the burn. I'm sure you do.

thanks for letting me wear your shirt. I like it. me too. really? on you? totally.

now, where did you say you saw this, young lady? right there, officer. I saw it. and what exactly did you see? ooh, it was gigantic. and fast. and that poor swimmer. . . there was a swimmer? yes, and he had no chance. the thing was huge. what happened to him? he just disappeared. it was like he was bait. bait, you say? swimming in his clothes? who does that? and, well, my uncle, he's sort of a scientist? what kind of scientist? well, he does things with genetics? invents things. what kinds of things? like genetic mutations? huge sea monsters, I guess. sea monsters. and how about the swimmer? did you know him? oh. he was a reporter, for the local paper. and this was your uncle? did I say that? yes. my. . . uncle. he didn't like him snooping around the lab. I see. and now the reporter's gone? oh, yes. very gone. for good, I'm sure. and where's your, ah, uncle? oh, he had to leave. isn't it a beautiful day? yes, it is. well thanks again, miss. anytime, officer.

this is the place. so keep the noise down. what for? who could be here? it's not who. it's what. the hell does that mean? you don't wanna know. ok. now you're starting to freak me out. good. you're making it up, right? you wanna believe that? then don't look behind you. no! what?! better.

Egmont Overture, sir. reporting for my first day of work. good. got your college degree, Overture? oh yes, sir! excellent. this insurance company places a high value on education! now, see this pile of paper? yes sir. these are new claims. I want you to deny them. all of them, sir? of course, all of them! so I assume they're, what. . . fraudulent? no, you idiot! these are legitimate! we use high schoolers to deny the fraudulent claims! oh. . . have them done by noon. you'll get more. stay productive, Overture! yes, sir.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy. come, sit here. what are we working on today? it's my latest breakthrough in cryptozoology! drink this. crypto. . . ? down the hatch! that's my boy. what did I just drink? you'll know when you start to grow fangs and lots and lots of hair! what. . . ? wait while I attach these manacles. can't be too careful! doktor. I feel. . . weird. secure! just in time! GRRRRR! what did I just say? it's alive! ha ha! RRROWW-RRRROWWWFFFF! just like that, another new species! I really must congratulate myself. AAAOOOOOO! no, no. it's a little early for lunch. but your replacement will be here soon. how does that sound? RRRREEE! good. I'm pleased too.

I got us a new hide-out, boss. it's a penthouse! sounds good, ernie. take the steamer trunks with all the loot and let's go. trunks? ah. . . what's the problem? well, it's just that. . . what? this place is, you know, very secluded. yeah? so? I don't think those trunks are gonna fit inside the. . . the metal ladder cages. the what? you know, the kind that go up the outside of the building, to get to the, ah, you know, penthouse. you mean I gotta climb a ladder to get to this place? you'll love it! it's got great views! yeah? and what about my loot? I don't suppose we got a helicopter?

take a look at this, my boy. what is it, herr doktor? you need to first know what it is not! huh? obviously, it appears to be a fabricated industrial foundry mold, inexplicably wedded to an ordinary piece of automotive equipment. it does? which is exactly what it is not! the unknown designer cleverly concealed a sophisticated machine of enormous importance! a veritable palimpsest! what? my rigorous testing has revealed that this mysterious object holds the key to controlling the speed of light! and specifically, how to stop light in its tracks! ha ha! gee. these numbers contain the crucial code: "66861-0" uh, doktor, I think the numbers are actually 66851-0. what's that? mein gott! you're right! is that important? important? good thing I didn't pay for this worthless piece of junk. you mean, no palimpsest? no. but how about a vodka martini instead. should I make it. . . a double. very good, my boy.

ticket, please, sir. ticket? I don't have a ticket. I'm sorry, then, but I can't allow you into the theater. there's something happening here? oh yes. our annual musical fling! really? but this place is. . . a burned out shell! yes, we pride ourselves on realistic set design. say. are you really an usher? of course! and come to think of it, I do have one available seat in the balcony. great! mind the rusty bolts. bolts? they can be somewhat uncomfortable on the, uh, buttocks. oh. do you have, ah, seat cushions? I do! that'll be $50. when does the show start? as soon as I have the money! I mean, momentarily, sir.

hey,man, wanna take in a game? I can't. gotta do something for the old lady. hey, don't listen to her! there's a game! you've never been married, have you. no. so? so shut the fuck up. you have no clue. dude, I'm sorry to hear that. yeah, well, love is strange. gee, that sounds like a. . . you know, a song. almost. almost.

hello? may I help you? yes, you have an apartment for rent? we do! it's a charming unit, in a very substantial and historic building. good to know. but tell me: is it. . . bulletproof? bullet. . . er. . . why do you ask, er, sir? I have certain needs, you see. of course! I understand completely! well, as a matter of fact, I believe. . . that is. . . yes! you're sure? quite sure! very well. I'll simply run one or two tests. tests? take appropriate cover, in, let's say, 10 minutes? what. . .? the armament. it tends to ricochet. yes, of course it would, wouldn't it? and mind the shrapnel. shrapnel? explosive ordnance. oh my. well! I very much look forward to executing a lease with you! excellent. but don't ever use that word again. what. . . ? oh. yes, sir! I mean, no, sir! good.

yo, louie. I gotta job for ya. yeah boss? I want you to lean on a guy a little. owes me money. lean? like how much? enough so's the money appears. that's how much. that kind of muscle, I'll need vinny. go ahead. and take the red car. serious? forget vinny then. I'm taking loretta. what kinda muscle she got? only the good kind boss.

your succession to the throne is now complete, sire. yes, chancellor, at last, my reign has begun, and with it a new era for this realm. now that you have this historic opportunity, what shall be your first decree, sire? my first decree? you really want to know? indeed, sire. your loyal subjects throughout the kingdom await with bated breath. what I want to know, chancellor. . . yes, sire? yes? what I want to know, is. . . where da women at? the. . . what, sire? yeah. where dem womens at? get 'em over here! you want. . . women? yeah, fool! and the crown jewels too! bring 'em here! I. . . I suddenly fear for the future of the kingdom. we gonna party like its 2084! yeah!

good morning, herr doktor. what are you working on today? hello, my boy. I'm about to begin my newest experiment. I've even come up with a title when I submit the results for publication. great. what's the subject? 'colonoscopy in the sitting position: lessons learned from self-colonoscopy.' you. . . you gave yourself a colonoscopy? me? ha ha! no way! you're going to, though! now sit here. me? take this scope. wait. that's the short one. use this. and. . . in! yow! silence! we must all sacrifice for science, my boy! (mmph)

you know what I think? pretty much. really? uh huh. that's good.

good afternoon, sir. can I assist you? maybe. I need a car. but it's gotta be loaded. may I interest you in this model? hmmm. does it have leather seats? of course. stereo? power sun roof? GPS? all the bells and whistles, trust me. ok, I'll take it. just be careful with the manual choke. the what? it's a killer at times. I have no idea what you're talking about. that's fine. you will.

we're meeting the new guy here, boss. you ever meet him? nope. so how we gonna know it's him? he said it'll be obvious. yeah? how? I got no idea. damn. I hate surprises. me too.