honeyj's photos

is this the way out? I suppose so. there's no other way around here. ok. will you keep an eye out for me? an eye out for what? the law. oh. well, I am a police officer. may I help you, sir? uh, no, officer! I'm just traveling through here. well have a safe trip. but you might want to stash that piece where it's not so obvious, know what I mean? uh, this? that. right! of course! thanks. no problem.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy. just in time to help with my demonstration. of what? how proctologists can minimize the chance that their colonoscopy patients will suddenly explode! what? now pull down your pants and bend over. doktor! what is that thing? it's. . . huge! this, er. . . probe? mein gott! it's quite heavy. but don't worry! you'll hardly feel the pain. eventually. but. . . ! butt is right! (hmmm. that reminds me: I'll soon need another assistant.) you will? to clean up the mess, of course! the things we do for science!

attention! at ease, men. I need a volunteer. let's see. . . how about you? me sir? your name? Parts, sir! Private Otto Parts. ok, Private, here's the deal. I need you to go behind enemy lines and establish contact with our agent. can you do it? sir! yes sir! once you do, you give this note to her. her, sir? yes! is that a problem, Parts? no sir. not at all, sir. this note must not fall into enemy hands, Private! that is critical! understood?! yes sir! but what if I'm, you know, captured? sir? you eat the note! here it is. but it's the size of a book! sir. you eat it, Private Parts! I don't care if you smother it in butter and fry it up with eggs, but you eat it! am I clear? perfectly, sir! uh, eggs, sir? you can take a few with you. really? but don't break them! you got that? can I bring a little pepper, too? sir? why don't you just take my chef, Private? wow, could I? are you an idiot, Private?! sir! no sir! good. you had me worried.

he got away, man. what do you mean, he got away? he was fast. you're a dog! it's your job to get him! he had wings! who knew? excuses. that's all I ever hear from you. yeah, it's tough.. so can I play with the boom stick now? forget it.

what're we gonna do now, roy? your guess is as good as mine, vern. we could pray. hey, I been praying, all the good it does. depends on who you pray to, doesn't it? whaddya mean? I gave up praying to anyone but my woman years ago. and how's that worked out for you? maybe they'll get answered one of these days. I'll pray for that. bless you. no problem.

attention! at ease. who's got the launch codes? what, don't you sir? hey! none of that! there's no fooling around with the launch codes. got it? of course, sir. you mind I go have a cigarette? go. but no smoking in the dynamite room! ok. if you need me, I'll be in the dynamite room dammit what did I just say? and where the hell are my launch codes?

good morning, madam. yeah? whaddya want? I represent Acme Roofing, and we are running a spring special on home roof repairs! you sayin' my roof is bad, mister? not at all madam! only I couldn't help but notice what appears to be a slight, er. . . opening, in the structure. you see. no shit. only one? well, I can't be certain. I'd have to go up on it and make a closer examination. you bring a parachute? why, uh, no. I wouldn't try it then, I was you. you'll step right through it real quick. be back to earth faster than a duck on a june bug. I see your point, madam, thank you. maybe some other day. good thinkin'.

good morning, herr doktor. my boy, you are about to participate in a great discovery! put this on. what is it? it's a space-time continuum machine! space consists of 3 dimensions, while time has only 1. yeah? space-time must, therefore, be a 4-dimensional object. I will now, for the first time, create that object! press this. ok. w-w-w-whoa! what's h-h-h-happening? mein gott! it works! you're stretching from the past into the future! w-w-w-what? how interesting. siri, make a note: he's turning into something that looks quite like spaghetti! n-n-n-n-o-o-o-o-o! don't worry. I'll look into reversing the effect. p-p-p-p-promise? of course! as soon as I find another subject, I mean assistant.

welcome, my son. thank you father. you come for the service? um, maybe. we offer food afterward. oh? care to stay? absolutely.

I'm off to work, dear. ok. what are you doing today? the usual. defending the rich against the powerless. that's nice. no it's not. I coulda done something, I don't know, more meaningful. what do you mean? but then I had to go get expelled from angel school. I know. a shame. but your clients love you. I suppose. and they do have loads of money. now go deny some claims. right. after all, it's not christmas, is it. that's the spirit.

just punchin' in, clem? yeah, vern. god I hate this place. me too. between the oil spills, the dirt, the dark, the rats, it's a wonder we survive. and the toxic chemicals? shit. we're dead men walkin'. so sad. music's good though. true. pressing a new record today? yessir. can't wait to hear it. me neither.

that you earl? it's been a while. hey, sal. where you been, man? oh, you know, here and there. well, welcome back. staying long? nah. I'll be leaving once the sun goes down. jeez, earl. it's about down now. so it is. where you gonna go? I'll know when I get there. sounds like a plan, sorta. maybe. only one I know.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are my boy. here. put this on. what is it? I am about to prove that people paying close attention to something tend to overlook everything else. so what am I wearing? a gorilla suit! you're going to charge across this bridge into a group of gun owners taking target practice. what?! if my theory is correct, they won't even see you! but what if they do? well, they may shoot you. but they're using only small-bore ammunition. you'll hardly feel a thing! didn't you have another assistant for this? yes but he passed away, sad to say. I'm shocked. he was never a fast runner. pity.

Ooh, Stanley! A parade! Not exactly, Edna. Ok, but I want to be in it anyway. Yeah great. Can I use a whip too? Get in the car, Edna. we're leaving.

paulie! we gotta go! the cops'll be here any second! we're all set boss. the house is hooked up and ready. whaddya mean, the house? you said to pack up; that we're taking everything. I didn't mean the house too, you idiot! how fast can it move? um, at like a slow walk, the, uh, mover said. paulie! the cops ain't exactly gonna be walking! yeah. I didn't think of that. well think about it now! we gotta get outta here! you want I should, like, call an uber? why? we have a car. well, yeah. in the garage. on, you know, wheels. you're moving the garage too? it's attached! and you like that car! I thought you'd want to take it. I did! by driving it! very fast! hey, I bet the mover has a second gear. how's that? it's over. just bring me a coffee. sure boss. a muffin too? why not.

where is everybody? they're supposed to be here. you're late, comrade. they've been and gone. gone? did they vote on the chairman's proposal? they cast their ballots. on the walls. walls? and floor, and steps. as you see. I do see. I do. very spirited, this vote. yes, it's quite obvious. and your vote, comrade? got an extra spray can?

wake up! who's hungry!? who do you think? all of us. well, I say let's cook up something to eat! great idea. where are we gonna do that? in the kitchen, of course! ok. so, not to be picky or anything, but do you mean the modern dream-home kitchen of the future? um. . . yeah! the one with all the latest, up-to-date appliances and shit? that's the one! cool. I'm going back to sleep. don't wake me til I find it.

hi jerry. love what you've done to the yard. hey lars. thanks. everything going ok? well, no. since you ask, actually it sucks. how come? turns out my brand new pick-up won't fit in the garage. damn. so I either park it in the driveway, or make the garage bigger. and I do not want to park it outside, know what I mean? so what're you gonna do? add on to the garage, of course. so now the wife is going nuts, cuz of what that'll do to the new patio. damn, that's tough. how am I supposed to enjoy golf today when I'm dealing with this shit? sucks to be you, don't it, jerry? I knew you'd understand. jerk. hey, don't mention it.