Arkitektura

edna, I'm going to the store. do you need anything? no thank you, stanley. but when you get back, would you please cut the legs down on the bed in the master suite? what? why? remember, stanley? the pope is coming to stay for a few days? the pope? like THE pope? yes, and that bed is too high for him to climb into. we have to cut the legs down for him. are you serious? stanley. is the pope catholic? well. . . yeah. just do it, stanley. I guess he's kinda short, eh? you could say that

counsel for the defense, call your next witness. the defense rests, your honor. oh? are you sure you want to do that? your honor, we believe that the evidence clearly establishes that the defendant could not have been in a corner of the room at the time the crime was committed. not in a corner, you say? just a feeling we have, your honor. well, I don't know, but it's your funeral. or your client's, rather, if you're wrong. thank you for that, your honor. no problem.

sit down, agent 909, we have a new assignment for you. glad to hear it, sir. you might not think so when I tell you what it is. the odds against you this time are, frankly, overwhelming. well, you know what they say, 'It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.' do they say that? we'll be sure to put that on your tombstone then. big of you, sir. government service has its benefits. that I hadn't heard.

good evening herr doktor, how are you? ah, there you are my boy. just in time. oh? just in time for what? you can help me test the durability of convent gardening outfits. here, put this on. but doktor, this is a nun's habit. you want me to wear it? it's all in the name of science my boy. and the owner of this? doesn't she miss it? not at all. she was with me last night. what? I mean, she has a very giving and charitable spirit.

hey, jake, what's up? oh hi, mel. I'm test firing the cannons today. make sure they work. cannons? we have cannons here? what the hell for? well, you know. this is a fort. we have to guard the bay. like from invasion and stuff. dude! this is the 21st century! cannons? we have an air force, and missiles and shit! really? the major didn't mention that to me. just said test the cannons. ok, you do that. I'm going to get a latte and take a walk across the bridge. you want anything? no, I'm good. what's a latte? forget it. try not to drop any cannon balls on your feet. tell me about it. that would suck. truly.

isn't our new ballroom lovely, stanley? yes, edna. it certainly is. we are truly living in a golden age, don't you think? it's all because of you, edna. oh stanley, you are such a dear. now fetch me a drink, would you? I see some people who owe me money. be nice, stanley. they're our guests. I'm always nice, edna. to a point. yes dear, just don't make that point too sharp. I wouldn't think of it. I knew I could trust you. you can, edna. all the way.

slave! where is my guest list? here, lord ba'al. the invitations have gone out. excellent! this will be the social event of the season! of the decade! indeed, lord. your supplicants are busy with the preparations. and the virgins? are they in readiness? well. . . well what? speak up! we are scouring the city for suitable candidates, sire. double your efforts slave! my guests expect to be entertained in proper fashion! yes, lord. we are working within your constraints: 3 virgins for you for every one for your guests. yes? you question my appetites, slave? certainly not, o voracious one. but with 500 guests, that's. . . that's. . . a lot of virgins? in these times, I'm afraid so, sire. we'll have to give some of the guests a substitute. substitute, lord? give them used cars off our lot. we're way over-stocked anyway. used cars as substitutes for. . . virgins? yes, dammit! if they don't like it, they can go to thor's party. he gives away grab bags. grab bags! with cookies and shit! what a cheapskate! thor isn't worthy to carry your toga, lord. how he ever made it in the cinema instead of me is a complete mystery. a crime, o corpulent one. those hollywood types. so shallow. they don't know what they're missing, lord. absolutely not. and those cars for the guests? stick to the high-mileage clunkers. are we clear? as an unmuddied lake, lord.

are you here to make your confession, my son? yes, father. it's my first time. I'm not sure if I can do it. of course you can. what are your sins, my son? you promise not to tell anyone? oh absolutely, you can rely on me. in fact, it's nothing personal at all. go ahead, ask me if I care. you don't care? whatever you did is definitely not my problem. no way. isn't that comforting? somehow it's not exactly what I thought. you see? I knew I could put your mind at ease. yeah. something like that.

hey, bert. I don't see you here very much. I know, marv. I just came to pick up my ride. you came to church? for a car? yeah, it's finally finished. who worked on it? it was, you know. . . jesus. what? yeah. pretty good mechanic, all things considered. jesus. worked on your car. that's what you're saying? yeah! he calls me and says it's done, come get it. he called you? he can't wait to take a ride. says, "let's hit the fuckin' road, bro." well that makes total sense. so, by chance you got 5 bucks? I'm low on gas. and cash. can't jesus pay? you're joking, right? I'm not gonna make jesus buy me gas! what're you, nuts? yeah, what was I thinking? c'mon, dude. get real. yeah.

the machine is ready, herr doktor. excellent my boy! throw the switch! doktor! the building! it's vibrating! hah! my theory is correct! in seconds this structure will cease to exist altogether! at least in this dimension! but. . . what about us? you mean you. my protective shield insulates me from the machine's effects. brilliant, eh? haha! and. . . me? you? oh. hmmm. maybe I'll figure out a way to bring you back. back? from where? who knows! but wherever it is, have a nice trip!

hello, may I help you? yeah, I'm the painter. I'm here to paint the building. painter? we called no painter. I wrote down the address. it's correct, right? well, yes. ok then. you want one coat or two? no no no. I want no paint. the building is covered in mosaic tile, you see. tile doesn't get painted. and nice tile it is too. but that don't solve my problem, which is I got a truck full of paint you are telling me you don't need. that is a problem, yes. so how you gonna fix it? what color is the paint? well, you got your reds, your yellows, your blues. the tiles here are a little. . . monochromatic, I suppose. I don't know about that. they're pretty black and white though. yes. maybe a little color here and there might be. . . acceptable. fantastic. we'll have this place looking like Disneyland in no time. actually, I'm not sure that would go over too well. no? how come? just a feeling.

you like the view, maurie? it's ok I guess. a little. . . confining though. get used to it. it's all you're gonna see for a few years. whaddya mean? I mean boss is stashing you here. for your own good. and his. but I didn't do nothin'! not how he sees it. gee. can't I talk to him? don't make it worse. you're lucky to be alive. yeah? I don't feel like it. do I at least get a roommate? sorry. it was supposed to be eddie. but he didn't make it. why? don't ask. guess maybe I'm lucky after all. compared to that loser, eddie, very lucky. you sure? positive

he's here. who's here? you know. no he's not. yes he is. I can feel it. hey, don't kid around about something like that. you're freaking me out. I'm not kidding. he told me he'd be here, and he is. he told you? how? he sent me a text. you text with him? are you friends? he has no friends. I told him I'd bring him a treat. treat? what kind of treat? you. I'm the treat? are you nuts? maybe. but don't turn around. why not? you're not gonna like what you're about to see.

let us open our hymnals. excuse me, I'm not really here for the service. no? what then? I just stopped in to get out of the cold. I see. you know that the homeless shelter is down the street. oh, I'm not homeless. no? in fact, I just moved in next door. you mean. . . we're neighbors. well then, I hope to see you at mass. I doubt it. but if you want to come watch the game on tv, you're welcome. very kind of you, I'm sure. you can bring the food. oh? it's my sense of spiritual priorities you see. eating right, and often, is definitely one of them. good to know. so bring lots. right.

good evening, herr doktor. how are you? hello, my boy. come see my new creation. I've been working on this periodic table for days now, and it's just about finished. you mean you've discovered a new element? doktor, that's awesome! well, no. but I've found a very practical application. see? what is it? it's a table. made up of the periodic table. so it's a periodic table. . . table? brilliant, isn't it? stylish too. and useful! I built it while taking breaks from my newest study, "The Effects of Country-Western Music on Suicide." you mean there is one? oh, you betcha!

may I help you? yes, I received this subpoena to appear. very well, take a seat. your name will be called. a seat? there's no chairs. are you trying to cause trouble? me? not at all. I'm just pointing out a fact. fact? what fact? that there's no chairs. is that your opinion? no! that's not an opinion! it's the truth! can you read that sign on the wall? yes. 'Truth is Lies.' it would be best for you to remember that. now take a seat. certainly, Miss Conway.

edna, where'd you put the mai-tai mix? I don't know, stanley. check the pantry. we need lots more chips, too. I only have two hands, stanley. cant you do it? geez, edna. I'm busy cooking up these hotdogs. well, have them try the bean dip. they did, edna. it's cleaned out. damn! haven't these people eaten today? they're fucking vultures is what they are. well, it's your family, stanley. that's how I know.

I'd like to open an account. very well. is this your first time at our bank? no. I've had accounts here before, but they were all. . . purged. purged? I don't understand. you took the money. how unfortunate. I assume there was a good reason. there was. the bank I robbed didn't like me earning interest on their money. not that I blame them. yes, of course. how much do you wish to deposit today? all of it in this paper bag. I haven't had time to count it. in fact, I don't want to touch it. no? I hate that exploding blue dye. exploding. . . so where do I sign? right here, sir. I don't suppose you got any money in that drawer? you wish to make a withdrawal? yeah. all you got. all. . . and no exploding thingies, ok? of course not, sir. great.