Arkitektura

you gotta hand it to 'em. nobody would ever know. know what, sal? the kind of major operation they got going in there. what kind of operation? world-wide distribution, son. a global enterprise. geez. and the place looks totally deserted. merely a facade. very sophisticated of them. and what is all of that to us? we are here to try and negotiate a partnership. yeah? and what if they don't want to negotiate? they will. I'm a very good negotiator. so what are we gonna offer them? their lives, of course. I like negotiations to be simple. good plan. usually is.

guess what, lord? I can't imagine, archangel. I just bought a car. you didn't! whatever for? you can fly wherever you like. well, I was passing through new jersey, and. . don't say it. no. please. yes, I got spam from baal, and opened it. you know he's a total thief! yes yes. but he offered me a great deal on this car. oy vey. well, what did you buy? it's a cream-colored, '59 cadillac, with fins. sweet machine. but I'm sure you were raped. he's letting me pay over time. don't do it! the interest will be astronomical! hmmm. I didn't think of that. he's totally amoral! don't you remember canaan? yes, he was out of control, wasn't he. absolutely! even forgetting the virgins! well, you put him in his place, lord. I know I'm going to have to step in, here. oh, not at all. somebody has to protect the defenseless consumer. you are truly amazing, lord. well, I've been called worse. by those who are no longer around. true. very true.

can you help me, doctor? in what way can I help you? I can't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. how does it feel? mostly awesome, but not always practical. and you want me to fix that? shouldn't I? hell no. we should all be living the dream. wish I could. really? in a strictly scientific sense, of course. of course, doctor.

I'll take it. wrap it up for me. wrap what up, sir? you know, the building. I'll take it. but sir, it's a building. and it's not for sale. you're not listening. I want it. I'm taking it. you're not from around here, are you? no, I'm from Jersey. why? this building is an art deco icon. everybody loves it. yeah? so? so I suggest you walk out quietly. while you can. oh do you? I do. along with a few of my friends, right behind you. oh. right. I see your point. it should stay here. definitely. we think so. I'll come back and visit, ok? please do. and be careful out there. this is detroit. yeah? yeah, not jersey.

archangel, bring me Michael. I need him. what's happened, lord? are you. . . ok? I've had a narrow escape from my nemesis. you mean. . . ? yes, ba'al. he lured me to his evil lair. almost had me. but how could that be? you actually went to him? it was a moment of, I admit it, weakness. (gasp!) but he tempted me with a great deal on a used car. no! not again! it's true. luckily I was able to escape. and now? I summon my army of angels to rid the earth of this scourge. finally! he's sold his last piece of shit car. I promise you. O noble cause! well, I've seen better. but times are slow. evangelically speaking, of course. of course, lord.

what's this, boris? it's a subpoena, comrade. a subpoena? from who? you're being called before the workers' committee on internal security and morality. I am? what'd I do? well, let me ask you. have you been watching any james bond movies lately? I suppose. I thought so. it's your blog, comrade. my blog? what about it? let's just say that some interested parties don't like you calling it 'pussy galore.' oh, they don't? not so much. oh.

we're starting a new ad campaign for the product. great! what's the pitch? we tell people they want it, and they do. yeah? that sounds like every other ad. no, you don't get it. we tell them. they want it. oh. and how are we gonna swing that? we appeal to their collective unconscious. what the hell's that? that's all the shit that floats around in peoples' brains that they don't know is there and don't need, like gun ownership, pick-up trucks, stuff like that. it'll never work. no? look at me. I'm looking. this. will. work. it. will. work. hey! how'd you do that? you think you're a big, tough, no bullshit guy, but you're just a pussy, like everybody else. gee, I wish you hadn't said that. you'll get over it.

the craft has landed on earth, sire. good, centurion. any sign of hostility from the locals? not at all. they seem to be fascinated by the lights. excellent. another perfect disguise. our atmospheric metabolizer beams have fooled them again. ha ha. ha ha. I hate that toxic gas they call oxygen. me too. disgusting stuff. soon, the beams will replace it with lovely methane. and not a moment too soon. would you like a celebratory meal, sire? yes.have the cook prepare a batch of earthlings. always a treat, eh, sire? I can't get enough of those tasty morsels. good thing there's virtually a never-ending supply. yes, this planet's one redeeming quality. that and the lovely sulphur deposits. perfect for my bath. see to it, centurion. certainly, sire.

may I help you? yeah, I'm here to pick up the new battle tank. excuse me? the new tank. the general want's to test it out. uh, we don't have any tanks here. what, someone else picked it up already? well, no. this is an art museum. we have. . . art. ok, buddy. stop fooling around. general wants his tank. yes, I see, but there's no tanks here, I'm afraid. look, what kind of armory is this, anyway? we have a few old cars on display. would one of those work? do they shoot? general likes stuff that shoots. er, no. maybe the general will like our next exhibit. yeah, what's that? the obsolescence of war as a problem solver between nations. sounds kind of pinko to me. will there be tanks? I'll see to it personally. ok then. hope we're not attacked before that. I totally agree.

receiving a signal from base, master. what is it, centurion? they want another shipment. more? already? they love those humans, lord. I don't blame them, but they are insatiable. good thing humans breed so fast, eh? they do seem to multiply very quickly. shall I send out the round-up team? yes, and have them bring a few choice morsels to us this time. I mean, why shouldn't we enjoy a good meal too while stuck on this miserable planet? good for morale, and all that, right? there is no down side that I can see, me neither, o wise one.

is this where it happened? yeah, up in the bell tower. what was he doing up there? he was afraid of heights and didn't want to go. but I told him that he had to face his fears. did he? he did. and then he fell. I guess his fears were pretty realistic, then. yeah, he was a very rational kind of guy. not that it did him much good, I guess. no, not so much.

hey, buddy, what day is it? why, it's sunday, of course. a lot of people in there. how come? this is a church. they're praying. oh yeah? say, can I come in? why certainly. all are welcome here. I need a few bucks. got any spare change? we prefer not to have panhandlers in here. and I prefer not to pray on an empty stomach, ya know? the lord hears all prayers. even if this church don't, right? you may have a point there.

it's time for the tournament, my lady. I hope you do well, sir knight. I will be your champion. your prince, if you allow it. I do allow it. I will cheer for you. and I will raise my sword for you when I win. methinks your sword is already quite raised, sir. what? oh. yes. a small cod piece malfunction. sorry. keep it zipped, sir knight. zipped? I know not that word. I can see that.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are my boy! come in, come in. I've made a startling breakthrough! I've discovered a whole new truth! have you? what is it? it's the truth as I see it! it's the only one that matters! really? what about my truth? doesn't that matter? not to me, it doesn't. brilliant, isn't it? totally, doktor.

hey, did you hear? that guy got off. the killer? really? man, that stinks. it almost makes me lose faith in the system, you know? you? you never had no faith in the system. what are you talking about? only that it makes me sick. well, one of these days he'll have to answer to a higher power. maybe he should answer to my higher power. this one. well well! check it out! it is a very high power indeed! the right tool for the right job, that's my motto. and quite an eloquent one it is.

edna, it's a wonderful day to go for a drive. shall we? that sounds perfect, stanley. excellent. I'll have jeeves bring the sedan around. you don't want to take the coupé? well, then I would have to drive. that's what we have jeeves for. oh yes of course, how thoughtless of me. we can just sit in the back and hold hands. what do you say? how romantic you are, stanley. it's all a result of good breeding, edna. so true dear.

I'm here to pick up the new weapons. you got a requisition form? yeah, right here. signed by the general. ok, let's see. 3 ionizer blasters. a jet pack. 4 uranium cluster bombs. . . . hmmm. that's strange. what's strange? you got 'em? actually, no. somebody came and checked these out last night. what do you mean, checked them out? who? I dunno. an officer showed up and got them. but that's impossible! the general just sent me! don't know what to tell you buddy. they ain't here. did the guy say what he wanted with them? I don't think so. oh, wait! he said something about showing Ripper who's boss. General Jack D. Ripper? my commanding officer? I couldn't say. he did seem a little. . . edgy. oh, this is not good. not good at all. anything else I can do for you? I'm kinda busy. yeah. if you hear any loud explosions, call the pentagon. you got it. I fear for our nation. yeah, well have a nice day.

don't stand too close. why not? just a suggestion. you're about to witness the effects of gravity. oh? what effects are those? the effect of not paying what you owe. that sounds kinda ominous. and what about all these people around here? you ever hear of collateral damage? you mean. . . that's why I suggest you don't stand too close. yeah. well, safety first, I always say. me too.