Arkitektura

I love our new freedoms. me too. we can now say two plus two equals five. you don't doubt that, do you? me? no way! uh, am I speaking into a microphone? probably.

slave! I'm ready to view my new pleasure palace! yes, lord. here it is. ah! at last! the artisans created a ridiculous mixture of Burmese, Indian, Persian and Chinese motifs, hoping at least some of them would satisfy your endless lust for overstatement. I know that! you think I don't know that?! and when the result was insufficiently insane, they ingested massive doses of LSD to increase the overall intensity. far out! your obvious concern for their health is laudable, o callous one. they all sustained brain damage. permanent, but mild, fortunately. so worth it, wouldn't you say? now summon my valet, I must dress for the occasion. which hair piece tonight, lord? the blond one, of course! you've taken a fancy to it, haven't you? it takes years off, don't you think? one hardly notices your paunch, lord. my what? your heroic figure, sire. it is heroic, isn't it. definitely, o delusional one.

may I help you? I'm here for the committee hearing. I'm sorry, it already concluded. there must be a mistake. I am to give testimony about what happened. let me see. ah yes. the committee deemed your testimony superfluous, and rendered its decision. how could that be? place your hands behind your back. handcuff him. what is this? you've been found guilty as charged. guilty? but I haven't been charged with anything! charged, tried and convicted. where's my due process? what about the truth! truth is irrelevant, and due process is over-rated. take him away. but my car! it's parked at a meter! give me the keys. you won't need it in the gulag. what? we don't have gulags here! it's been tweeted. we do now.

see that guy? what guy? that one. the one with the gun. no. what's he doing? he's making a very big mistake. what kind of mistake? he's got it pointed at my cousin, vinny. no shit? get down there and take care of him. take care of him how? so that he will never need taking care of again. know what I mean? that's pretty clear. I thought you'd understand.

what are you doing today? I got a big test tomorrow. getting ready. so you're gonna hit the books? books? no way. I have a very good memory. the best ever. but you've read the material, right? no, I don't read. so how are you planning to pass this test? I have a lot of words. more than anyone. that's it? it's gotten me this far. that is so depressingly true.

on behalf of our government, let me welcome you Americans to our country. thanks, we're here to promote mutual trade. we want to make the best deals. if I may ask, what do you have that we might want? oh, we have all kinds of things to sell you. in fact, we brought samples. your president can light up any of them. light up? you brought. . . are those drugs? the best! he's gonna love it! but drugs are illegal! not if the president uses them, right? what do you mean? if the president does it, it can't be illegal! don't tell me that's how it works in the US! it is now! bigly! so is he ready to get high, or what? I fear this meeting will not go well. we brought some led zeppelin tapes too. let's rock!

what kind of pill was that you gave me? I dunno, why. oh, nothing. it just looks like this is gonna be a weird day.

the guests should be arriving soon, Stanley. who's invited, Edna? oh, the usual crowd. great. that moronic bunch of freeloaders? your family. that's what I meant.

hey buddy, can you spare a buck? you're panhandling in here? hey, gotta go where the money is, you know? and how's your luck been? I may be onto something. yeah? maybe you should branch out. now that you mention it, I'm thinking of taking on help. very ambitious of you. gotta adapt to get ahead in this world, you know? good business plan. that's what my accountant says. great.

good morning, herr doktor. just in time, my boy. look at this. what is it, doktor? using complicated instruments and simple statistics, I can measure meaningful brain activity anywhere — even in a dead salmon! really? I call it the 'stream of unconsciousness' equation. clever, eh? a dead salmon has meaningful brain activity? you'd be surprised! why, compared to our president, it's more than a stream; it's a mighty torrent! that's kind of depressing. I thought so too.

is it done? it's done. really? trust me. so we got away with it? bigly. unbelievable. and we're just getting started. wow. I told you government work could be very. . . profitable? exactly.

edna, pack your things. we're going away. where to stanley? a quiet little hideaway. you'll see. oh stanley! just for the two of us? a tiny little love nest all our own. and the servants, of course, right? oh, maybe I can rustle up a few. you are so thoughtful, dear. good breeding. it always shows. it does.

the mail is here, lord. since when do we get mail, archangel? oh, I opened a new PO box. tired of all the texts, eh? they were a bother. so what's in the mail? no bills, I hope. as if. in fact, you're invited to a wedding. really? that's a first. where? an old ford factory in detroit. now a museum. hmmm. would I have to officiate? oh no, lord. you'd be just a guest. share in the joy. ok, I'll go I suppose. is what's-her-name invited? who? you know, the one I like. artemis? you still have a thing for her? she rocks, archangel. totally killer. if you say so, lord. chapter and verse, archangel.

I've been visiting your garden, lord. which one is that, archangel? you know, earth. what was once a garden, anyway. not so much now, in many places. no, but I still find beauty, even in the devastation. I'm glad you do. because humans are making a mess of it. they try one's patience, don't they? some do. I don't think I need to name names. anyway, it may not be an issue for long. oh? do you have plans I should know about lord? we'll see. let's just say I've been practicing. with a stray asteroid. practicing, lord? you know, tossing it around here and there. staying in shape?. exercise is healthy, I've heard. humans may not find it very healthy one of these days. I doubt I'll seek their opinion in the matter. no surprise there, lord.

I'd like to speak to the complaint department. what seems to be the problem? I am not satisfied with the service I'm getting here. what's wrong with it? what's wrong is that there is no service. none. none you say? what service are you looking for? I need a rail ticket to L.A. I want the express. do you now? unfortunately, that train doesn't stop here anymore. what? nor any other train, for that matter. since when? since, oh, about 30 years ago. I had no idea. yeah. it's hard to tell by looking around, isn't it? damn. you coulda fooled me. no kidding.

the visigoth invaders will attack at dawn, my liege. is the castle prepared? it is. the cauldrons of boiling oil are in place. archers? ready. fire arrows? 10,000, stacked, with fire pots. did you shut the castle doors? oh. well, uh, I might have left them open, my liege. whatever for? I thought a little breeze might be, you know, nice. well close them, you idiot! of course, my liege. and don't call me liege. ok, ralphy. better.

so the term 'gothic' was first coined in the 16th century. yeah? by a florentine named Giorgio Vasari. never heard of him. gothic architecture referred to the Nordic tribes. you know, the Goths. good band. shut up. they overran the Roman empire in the 6th century. so? he thought this architecture was debased. just like the Goths. no way that guy surfed. what? try and focus for once. I'm just saying.

is this the place? can't you tell? how should I know? don't you smell fried food? what, we came here to eat? do you know me? do I. . . of course I do. what's the first rule? it's. . . eat when you can. because? because you never know when you'll eat again. you get it now? I got it.