10+ faves

have we met before? I don't recall being introduced. oh hell, got a cigarette? I'm out of smokes. I can see that this day is going to be weird. is that an issue? not with me it isn't.

it's about this wide. what is? the new TV I want to get. I'm so glad you thought I needed to know that. anytime.

where's larry? he's bringing the package. make sure he gets here soon. it's almost dark. why does that matter? because, idiot, this light is special. yeah? so? and the package happens to be very photogenic.

how do you like the new headquarters, vinnie? this? we're moving in here? well, yeah. what, you don't like it? what's to like? it's a dump. don't let the boss hear you say that. ever. right! I mean, it's perfect! just needs a little fixing up. no shit.

sit down, agent 909, we have a new assignment for you. glad to hear it, sir. you might not think so when I tell you what it is. the odds against you this time are, frankly, overwhelming. well, you know what they say, 'It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.' do they say that? we'll be sure to put that on your tombstone then. big of you, sir. government service has its benefits. that I hadn't heard.

what are they? old cassette tapes. you made them? yeah. it was an alternative to therapy. how'd that go? not too well, but it was a lot less expensive.

earth is warming, lord. so I've heard, archangel.humans have been trying to ignore the issue. they won't be able to do so much longer though, will they. no, but that's up to them. by the way, the new world I'm creating will never have those problems. the denizens will be self-regulating. how so, lord? simple. I've embedded a code into the cytoplasm of all living things, to prevent the kind of hard-headed self-defeating stupidity that humans can't seem to overcome. I'm ready to launch it, although it will have to percolate for a few thousand generations. good thing we have time, isn't it lord? time, yes. one of my weirder creations. good for knowing when the next football game is being played. true. not that I bet on them, of course. of course not, lord.

there they go again. who? my former classmates at angel school. show-offs. you're an angel? would be if I wasn't kicked out. look at them. they're just rubbing it in. really? that's not very nice. hey, they've got it made. they don't have to be nice. but if they're angels, by definition they must be perfect, right? don't believe everything you read. bummer. tell me about it.

I need a plane ticket please. certainly, sir. where to? Đà Nẵng. first plane out. business or pleasure? I hear it's nice. it can be. where are you from? detroit. you'll fit right in, I'm sure. why do you say that? oh, just a feeling

we have come to water, sire. at last. our legions are parched. this is a hostile world, lord. but we will conquer it all the same. you know best, o wise one. true. now bring me a dung cake. my mandibles are dry. at once, magnificent one. and have someone polish my exoskeleton. certainly, your holiness.

hey man, you seen a bunny come by here? sure haven't. don't see too many bunnies in this place. this one's special. would have to be, to wanna hang around here. he thinks for himself. it's how he was raised. by you? no way. he taught me everything I know. I guess he is special, then. totally. so, ah, you got any, ah, lettuce? lettuce? nah. afraid I'm all out. not even a nibble? it's been so long. sorry. bummer.

what's fishy about it? can't you see? see what? the fish, ya moron. where? oh forget it.

I'm only gonna tell you this once. you will never, ever do that again. you understand? really? never? are you sure? I've never been more sure of anything in my life you don't want me to do that, like, ever? not even a little bit? only if I say it's ok how about now? what do you mean? I mean, now now? uh-huh well, ok ok

dark spirit of the lower realm, are you here? I am. what dost thou seek? I seek justice o great spirit. really? with that buffoon you just elected? good luck with that, sweetheart.

man it is one hot day, isn't it. it is. I'm gonna go for a swim. good idea. where? right here. dude. you can't do that! why not? well for one, it's like a military zone here. and for another, you see those pump grates? you got any idea what they do? not really. toss my floaty to me when I'm in. I can't believe you're doing this. what the hell. I got no other plans. that's kinda obvious.

hey, jake, what's up? oh hi, mel. I'm test firing the cannons today. make sure they work. cannons? we have cannons here? what the hell for? well, you know. this is a fort. we have to guard the bay. like from invasion and stuff. dude! this is the 21st century! cannons? we have an air force, and missiles and shit! really? the major didn't mention that to me. just said test the cannons. ok, you do that. I'm going to get a latte and take a walk across the bridge. you want anything? no, I'm good. what's a latte? forget it. try not to drop any cannon balls on your feet. tell me about it. that would suck. truly.

sir! I'm receiving some very disturbing deep-space radio signals! I think we may be. . . under attack! what?! where are the signals coming from, corporal? I can't really say, but they're very loud. I'm raising the threat level to Def Con 1. it appears we're at war, son. I'll close the door and notify the joint chiefs. hey, that's strange! the signals suddenly disappeared! no kidding? uh, sir? who's in the next room? it's that idiot Lars. listening to his cacophonous speed metal records. I hate that noise. Lars? hmmm. I suggest we call off that threat level. oh? yeah, and maybe get Lars some head phones. for the, you know, safety of the planet, and all. you think the joint chiefs would agree? pretty sure, sir.

check out my new TV, bert. sweet. where'd you get it? off the back of a truck over there. got a great deal. how's the picture? dunno. can't seem to get it to work. how good a deal you say you got? maybe I'll have to tell you later. yeah maybe.