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what's this thing, stanley? it's an old machine of some kind, edna. the mines here closed down years ago. once they closed, there was no work. the grocery and feed store followed. then the movie theater shut down. then the diner. there wasn't no business, left, so the people moved away. dogs too. that's a sad story, stanley. it is. I can't wait to get to our beach house on barbados. to help you get over the sadness here? but I absolutely must go shopping first. I have no clothes at all. it's a real problem, isn't it? oh yes.

where are we going, sheriff? this ain't the way to the jail. shut up, prisoner. but where are you taking me? you can get out here. but we're in the middle of the woods. you shouldn't have beat that girl. what? what do you mean? you got 10 seconds to start running. what? then what are you going to do? start shooting. you can't do that! I'm your prisoner! that was the last girl you're ever going to beat. you can't be serious! you're using up your time. I can't believe this! time's almost up. you'll pay! you'll pay for this! not like you're about to.

the sun feels good. looks good, too. on you, I mean.

summon my high priest, immediately. yes, o great god ba'al. you wish to see me, lord? what is the meaning of this?!! of what, o lord? your sacrifices! you call those. . . virgins?! oh. that. er, yes, we, uh, we sort of. . . ran out. ran out?! of virgins!? are you shitting me?! oh, no, ba'al. there's a real shortage out there. they've become quite rare, actually. inconceivable!!! I put you in charge of getting me virgins!! yes, and I'm doing my best, under the circumstances. soccer moms? you use soccer moms for my sacrifice? did you think I wouldn't notice? we thought you might be. . . tired. . . uh. . what? tired? me? are you serious?! this isn't ancient canaan, where virgins were everywhere. times have changed. find them! virgins are my. . . thing! you know that! yes, o lord ba'al. but you know. . . what? maybe you could give up on the sacrifices? you mean like jehovah did? be like him? I know you don't like him, but. . . he ran my ass out of town, you turd! remember?! yes, yes. a terrible day. terrible. now get back there, and get to work! ba'al has needs! yes, he does. by the way. . . yes? how's the used car business doing? oh, not too bad. sold 25 units last month. good to hear. definitely. so you like new jersey? well, they could worship me more, of course. yes, of course. otherwise, yes. I like my freeway exit. good to hear, o lord ba'al. very good.

I suggest you don't get any closer. why? it's a bunch of rocks. you go over there, you're not coming back. what're you talking about, man? it all started here. it's like a black hole. say what? I'm just telling you. be warned. don't go there. put down the crack pipe, dude. be real. I'll inform your friends. maybe they'll miss you. hey, I'm not going anywhere. say hello to ralph. you'll be joining him. I don't know any ralph. you will.

your audience awaits you. man, I can't do it. what do you mean? you're on! I can't go out there. you can do it! you're brilliant! you'll be great! It's just too much. I can't handle it. why not? I just think that burlesque is a dying art. nonsense! look at them! waiting out there! and these giant feathers? it's ridiculous. you use what you were born with. I know, but whoever heard of a stripping chicken? don't get your beak in a bunch. go lay an egg. easy for you to say. those roosters will love you, henny penny. maybe the sky will fall on them. now don't start that again.

where are you going in such a hurry, comrade? you didn't hear? the general secretary wants a meeting. now? it's almost midnight! what's the rush? party loyalty knows no time of day, comrade. that's no explanation. maybe not, but it beats 20 years in the gulag. I'll just get my coat.

we have re-configured the computer, my president. what does it say? we now calculate that about 10 million will survive. what? and the rest? will be deeply missed, of course. you are joking. is this really necessary? we must strike first. naturally, they will retaliate. and then? but we will have taken shelter in our bunkers, you see. to survive the attack? yes, all-out thermonuclear war, my president. and this is all proven scientifically? indeed, my president. the computer does not lie. that is so reassuring. we are the vanguard of the future, my president. maybe we are. but your computer? no fucking way.

we've taken heavy casualties, sir. how many of the assault party are left? just 4, sir. 4? out of 12? oh my god! the tragic waste! the compound is just too well guarded, sir. but 8 of my best? gone? we won't give up, sir. I know that, son. it's commendable. we want that objective, sir. we want it bad. those girl scouts can't hold out forever. we can complete this mission, sir. ok. go in there, and get those cookies. got it, sir. especially the thin mints. my favorite. mine too, sir. damn I love 'em.

the equipment is all in place. and the AAV? the what? amphibious assault vehicle. the boat? an AAV? we're just going fishing, right? you can never be too prepared. ok. let's go assault those bluegills, then. and keep the ammunition dry. of course.

how was your vacation, lord? the best, archangel. just the best. where did you go? the usual place. my favorite lake. you love it there, don't you. it's one of my most perfect creations. and I remembered to take my sand toys, too. excellent, lord. were you productive? I thought about trying to re-create that sand on my next world, oberon. re-create the sand? best I've ever done, that sand. I'm thinking of using it again. excuse me, lord, but I say keep it unique where it is. oh? why? you know those humans have little enough to brag about. at least let them savor what they've got. yes. the perfect lake. with perfect beaches. well-spoken, lord. hey, I didn't get this job by being a dummy, did I? no, lord. definitely not.

the high priest wants another sacrifice to ba'al. another one? man, we've done so many today! yeah, I know. but he's on a roll. shit, larry, we're gonna run out of nubile virgins! tell me about it. actually, the last 3 were fakes. what?! yeah. not actually virgins. don't tell anyone. but ba'al demands virgins! that's his thing! maybe he won't notice. maybe he'll get tired. tired? ba'al can get tired? of virgins? I hope so. because he ain't gonna like the next batch. where are you finding them? the after-school soccer mom meeting. oy. well, I guess they'll just have to do. hey, they look pretty good to me. yeah, but you are such a horndog. very true. now go get the next willing victim.

whaddya wanna do today, ernie? I dunno marty. whaddya wanna do? you wanna fire that atlas intercontinental ballistic missile we stole? ok. whaddya wanna do after that? I dunno. run like hell? yeah. we better eat first. good idea.

hey marco, you seen eddie? no, wasn't he with you? I thought so, but. . . but what? well, you see that thing over there? what, that. . . petrified thing? yeah. I swear it wasn't here 5 minutes ago. it just. . . appeared. like from out of the sand? c'mon! ok, don't believe me. but where's eddie? I dunno! he was with you! yeah, but he ain't here now. what are you saying? you saying that thing. . . like, ate eddie? can't be. right? you are losing it, man. I'm gonna look for him. hold on. did that thing just move? shit! wait up. I feel like walking. me too.

may I be of service, sire? the earthlings. what is the status? they are being prepared, sire. well tell the kitchen to hurry up. I'm hungry, dammit. the cook is doing all he can, o prodigious one. and not overcooked either! make sure he knows! of course, sire. oh, and these are the last of the humans, sire. what! outrageous! how can that be? your appetite is. . . well, immense, o great one. so? what of it? well, you. . . you ate them all. is what you did. not possible!!! I must have more. at once! very well, o wise one. I'll send out for some. I'm sure there's a place that delivers around here. yes, sire. no doubt. see to it at once. should I order a salad as well, o ravenous one? yes, do. a small garden salad will be nice. of course, master. I do have a delicate palate. do I not? I've always said so, your voraciousness.

good evening, lord. hello, archangel. what's new? I can tell what's not new, lord. oh? what's that? urban renewal. humans and their cities. yes, they seem to have lost something there. sadly, it saps them of their vitality, lord. well, what about their ingenuity? I gave it to them. yes, but they can be somewhat short-sighted, lord. are you saying I made a mistake, archangel? no lord. however, they use their gifts. . . unwisely at times. yes, well, that's why I have to keep on tinkering. of course, lord. if humans want to destroy what they've built, so be it. they are your creations, though. yes, but I've learned. look at betelgeuse4. yes, a masterpiece of engineering, lord. their stuff won't fall apart, that's for sure. well, it's all made of anti-matter, lord. totally eco-friendly too. a nice touch, eh? indeed, lord. you scored big time with that one. maybe a little anti-matter wouldn't hurt on earth. that would wipe out all life there, lord. oh. it would? pity. more importantly, though, when's our vacation? next week, lord. your favorite lake again. glad to hear it's still there. and the sand toys? all packed, lord. ok, good. let's do it.

can I move you around a little? please do. I was hoping you'd say that.

base: this is advance scout 5. go ahead 5. what's out there? nothing, base. absolutely nothing. explain, 5. I mean it's all gone, base. disappeared. evaporated. what's gone? everything! the world! it's been erased. so the experiment. . . let's just say that it worked. way beyond expectations. well, that's good news, right? sure, I guess. but there's nobody on earth left to tell. yeah, that's a bummer, I suppose. yeah. so. . . now what? now? I dunno. how about let's eat! ok! I'm there!