honeyj's photos

these are for you, edna. oh, stanley! what beautiful flowers! not as beautiful as you, edna. how sweet! but, what's the occasion? oh, nothing. except, well, I'm. . . going away. away? what do you mean? just that I have to. . . leave. are you coming back? I hope so. I do. it just depends. on what? on the movie I want to rent being in. movie? I hate endlessly driving around town, looking for a good movie. it is such a bother, isn't it. have jeeves bring the car around for me. would you? be careful out there, stanley. of course, edna.

ok boys, are we ready to play some ball? I am, but since I brought the ball, I'm pitching. whoa, dude. you know you can't pitch. you play outfield. forget that. if I can't pitch, I'm taking my ball and going home. but that would mean nobody can play! you really want to shut down the game? if I have to. where'd you learn to be such a jerk? the white house channel, why? not a surprise.

guess what, edna. I put a down payment on our dream house! wonderful, stanleyl! when can we move in? very soon. it just needs a little fixing up. ok. are the curtains nice? well, no. there's no curtains. and, in fact, no windows either, actually. no windows? is it. . . . livable? not really. but it's got a great view, I promise. and it's heavily fortified against attack too. what. . . ? take it from me: that was a strong selling point. I'm sure it was, stanley.

you know, mike, since early on I've had this world all figured out. how's that, mr president? I decided I'm entitled to get mine, and screw the rest. yeah? yeah. still works. even better now, in fact. I see. is that outlook based on any particular policy or ethics? that's the screw the rest part. get me? yeah, donny, I think I do. I think almost everybody does.

hey, mel. why the long face? oh hi, sid. actually, I'm a little worried that we're losing our history. well, maybe that's a good thing. you think so? kinda. mainly the part with people in it. hmmm. tell you what. I'll consult with my wolfen brothers about it. before or after howling at the moon? after, of course. I do have my spiritual priorities, you know. I'm relieved to hear it. no problem.

where am I? you're dead. you're in heaven. be happy. I'm dead? this is heaven? where's the pearly gates? that's them there. that? you sure? yeah. don't believe everything you read. but. . . where's angel gabriel? gabe? gabe's not here. you got me instead. murray. murray? who are you? I'm your guardian angel. so shut up and sign in. where's. . . god? he ain't here neither. on vacation, I think. vacation? he goes on vacation? from heaven? he gets real bored, actually. can't blame him. where does he go? oh, he's got a place on a lake. he does? yeah. one of those inland seas in michigan. I have to say, I'm disappointed. this place is. . . is what? it's so. . . I don't know, trashy, and. . . filthy. hey, you better listen up. god likes it this way. he does? but why? because of all you morons with your heads up your asses. excuse me? that's right. self-righteous hypocrites, is all you are. god says that? says more than that, actually. but you didn't hear it from me, you understand? sure, ok. you flap your lips, I'll fuck you up good. got it? are you sure this is heaven? hey! what'd I tell you, huh? you disrespecting me? no sir. not at all. it's just. . . this ain't no country club, ok? this is heaven, dammit. you're here to work, understand? yes, sir. you people are so dumb. expecting miracles. but they promised us eternal life, with the lord. huh! lord's got no time for that, fool. now go see leon. who's he? your crew boss. he's your lord, from now on. are you sure this isn't a bad dream? dream? ha! ain't no sleeping allowed here! so just tell me: if this is heaven, what's hell like? ain't no hell. just heaven. had to downsize. downsize? yeah. because of the economy. so you missed hell. I feel so lucky. that means nothing to me. now get to work, dammit!

uh, hello miss, is this china? I'm sure it is, or my name isn't christopher columbus. china? no sir. I don't know what china is, but you and your big boat must have missed your turn. oh, I did? oh. so, uh, I go back that way? yes. just go back. you'll find it, I'm sure. ok, well thanks, miss. sure, no problem. ok, boys, you heard the lady! this ain't china! so captain, what do we do now? we turn around and keep looking! that's it! queen isabella ain't gonna be happy, sir. I can't help that! you see that flora and fauna? it's obviously not chinese, right? uh, I guess. . . clearly, there's nothing of any use to us here! back this ship up! it's on to china! we're close! very close! I can feel it!

are you ready for this? whaddya mean? it's just a first date. think, man! what if things get dicey? um, I dunno. just remember this: you follow the rules of engagement. there's rules? for a first date? she's a woman, ain't she? watch out. are the rules, you know, effective? not really, no. but when you're all alone out there on a storm-tossed sea, anything you can grab onto is a comfort. storm-tossed. . . I'm starting to feel a little queasy. you can't be too prepared. just sayin'. maybe I should wear a helmet. I recommend it. definitely.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy. come here and slip this over your head. what is it? my latest breakthrough! I call it the Ultraviolence Machine! what does it do? once engaged, your brain will become a veritable battleground of ideas! a battleground! is it. . . dangerous? only if the battling ideas resort to using weapons. a worthwhile risk in my opinion. but what if they do? well, I expect your brain to turn to mush! or something that looks like mush. what?! no! don't worry, my boy! it's all in the name of science! but. . . (hmmm. I must remember to requisition another assistant right away.) what did you say? nothing, my boy! nothing at all!

it looks like a nice day today. yeah? what's so nice about it? what? is there a problem? I'm with you, ain't I? thanks for reminding me.

are you home, edna? I'm outside and can't find my keys. I'll have jeeves let you in. how was the meeting? there was way too much tequila, edna. way too much. oh well, that happens. yes, but is it my imagination, or does the house look a little. . . different? what do you mean, stanley? I'm not sure, actually. was it good tequila? I'd say amazingly good, apparently.

the key is in there. key to what? a secret passage. really? must be. ok cool. how do we find it? just press all these things. see if something moves. what's on the other side? hope and glory? you sure? no, but that's what came out.

don't you love nature? I do. but you know what I love more? what's that? being with you. really? and dinner, of course. right. sleeping too. ok forget it.

I'd like a room, please. on a higher floor, with a nice view. yes, sir. we have many. . . views here. would you like running water? well of course! it comes in through the windows just fine. the windows? and the roof, what's left of it. I'm not sure I know what to say. is there a bed? bed? well, there might be a mattress. mind the, ah, burn spots. sounds delightful. do you get many guests here? well, it is the tourist season. so you're booked? with you here? definitely.

say goodbye to louie. whaddya mean, boss? I mean, say goodbye. he's gone. where'd he go? he's right in there, sol, and he ain't coming out. how come? because he's under 40 tons of wet cement is how come. oh. gee. at least there's no bullet holes in him, right? actually, there might be a few. gee. too bad. I kinda liked louie. but not too much, eh sol? no boss. not too much.

I'll miss this place. whaddya mean? it's disappearing. crumbling piece by piece. it is? pretty soon it'll be gone. gee. that's kinda sad. it is. good thing we have each other, right? yeah, sure.

any news, perkins? nothing's gone in or come out, sir. how about on the radio? no word yet. wait a minute! I'm getting something! what is it? oh my god! it's the most awful screaming! it sounds like manic banshees from hell! great! the product run-out is a smash. product? they found the new double-stuffed chocolate cookies. they're killing themselves over them. and that's. . . good? we definitely have a hit, perkins. the board will go ape. what about the. . . er, casualties, sir? what about them? stay in your lane, perkins. yes, sir. of course, sir.

hey, man, mind if I set up my sleeping bag here? actually, yes. I slept here last night, and will do so again tonight. so don't even think about it. ok, thanks hey, what did I just say? I'm sleeping here tonight. not you. but I found it first. didn't you hear what I just said? where do I plug in my laptop? what? does this look like a motel room? my battery died. that is not my problem. you are just bad karma all the way around. you'll get over it, hippie.