honeyj's photos

slave! I need you! yes, lord Anubis. how may I serve you? it's my palace! look at it! lord? can't you see? it's decrepit! totally unfit for a god such as myself! but lord, you just hosted a mammoth party for our great pharaoh, and he was so impressed! he was? and remember: you are the god of the dead! your palace should reflect some amount of. . . shall I say. . . decay? even. . . rot? hmmm. you really think so? I do, lord! it's you! it's so very you! well, if it's me. how about if I prepare a nice glass of embalming fluid for you, lord. yes, that may help calm me. I'll fetch your favorite mummy too. oh good. her wrapping's not too tight, is it? no, lord. I do so love unraveling her. it's reaching that last layer. it makes me just. . . tingle with anticipation. how exciting for you, lord.

sir! an enemy starship is closing on us fast! shields up! prepare to go to warp drive! yes, sir! ah, sir? what is it? I think I left my warp drive code book in my locker, sir! what?! you need a code book? it has pictures, and. . . things. sir! don't you just hit a button, and all the stars fly past us? that's only on TV, sir. TV? in fact, stars are light years apart from each other. to have them whizzing past every few seconds would incorrectly imply that they are very close together. I'll be damned. yes sir. by the way, that sound you heard was our shield being destroyed. the outer shell's breached. shit. so, what now, sir? now? right now I could use a stiff drink. me too. shall I make it a double? sounds good. yes, sir.

guess what, Edna. I got a new car! that's great, Stanley. what kind? it comes in a kit! I get to put it together! so it's in parts? where are they? well, so far, they've only delivered the gas tank. this? this is a gas tank? Stanley, what kind of car did you get? evidently, a really really big one. really big.

hey, Gary, what's up? guess what Marv. I'm getting the band back together. what? I thought they all, you know, died. like years ago. yeah. it was tragic. so. . . so they're back. kinda. you know that sounds a little wierd, right? yeah, but having Scooter on guitar, and Richie, with a voice like an angel. did you say angel? or something. you got a gig? oh yeah. down by the cemetery. tonight. let me guess. at midnight? you saw the flyer? no need.

welcome to the 14th floor, smithers. thank you sir. I'm honored by the promotion. you're an executive now, smithers. here is your executive washroom key. don't abuse the privilege. I wouldn't think of it, sir. in other words, keep it zipped up, smithers. except when in appropriate use, of course. of course, sir. mind the mirrored ceilings. and the towel girls. towel girls? there's. . . towel girls? we're all about provding jobs here, smithers. very commendable, sir. but I. . . I think I have to use the bathroom now, if that's ok. certainly, smithers. most of us find that we do. all the time.

good evening, sir. yes, I'd like a room, please. of course. actually, the penthouse suite is available at the moment. oh? yes. the sunsets there are quite special. sounds perfect. very good. mind the pigeons though. pigeons? yes, they occupy much of the sub-roof structure. or what once was a sub-roof structure. when there was a roof. I'll keep that in mind. excellent. did you bring a bedroll? bedroll? the exposed rebar tends to get a little chilly at night. I see. quite sharp, too. mind it doesn't penetrate the skin. good advice.

what should we make of this guy, vern? he's a strange one, no doubt about it. strange doesn't even come close. does he know what he's doing? well, he seems able to do certain specific things. . . that are completely childish and inane. true. but he's totally incapable of completing even the simplest, everyday tasks. don't blame me, man. I didn't vote for him. I didn't know you vote. I sure as hell will now.

edna, I'm home! stanley! where have you been? oh my god! traffic was awful. the bridge was out! what bridge? you know, the one I take as a shortcut? shortcut? you weren't in that old factory again, were you? that's not for cars, stanley! or even people! well, I use it to get to the parking lot. used to, I mean. used to? it, uh, sort of fell down, I guess. it fell? and where were you? I didn't do it! it wasn't me! I was hardly even there! much. was anybody hurt? you mean besides me falling. . . I mean, no! nobody! why are your pants ripped? what? oh. tough day at the office. very tough. hmmm. apparently. gets worse all the time.

hello lord. didn't expect to find you in here. just cleaning out a few old relics, archangel. things do tend to pile up, don't they. what do you have there? oh, just something I played around with a while ago. I was going to unleash it on earthlings, actually, for failing miserably to make good use of the gifts I've given them. it's kind of fierce looking. what would it have done? well, quite simply, it would have rained death, destruction and chaos on earth, I should think. did you change your mind? well, for awhile there I had hoped humans would evolve into a higher species. worthy of my efforts on their behalf. a higher species? you don't mean. . . yes. hippies. my best work. it looked like things were improving. too bad they didn't last. indeed. so, I've taken a new interest in this. . . fascinating creature. I think I'll let it loose on humans after all. and then what, lord? well, to put it mildly, then the proverbial shit will hit the proverbial fan. sounds like that might be fun. between us celestial beings, archangel. . . yes,lord? having fun is what it's all about.

hey, curtis, how goes it? life in the big city, man. you know how it is. I do. it's tough. but listen: I'm getting a new shipment of armaments next week. great! the battlements been lookin' a little bare lately. seems to me, it's time to collect some docking fees. you know those big boys are not gonna like it. yeah, but I figure a few well-placed 32-pound cannonballs will bring 'em around. and then the cash flows in, eh? it's fairly foolproof, way I see it. no doubt.

dude! did you catch something in that trap? I did! a rabbit! we're gonna eat tonight! so. . . you gonna cut it open? well, of course! and cook it over the fire! I'm sorry. I can't be a party to this. a party to what? eating? I can't stand by while you cut open a defenseless little bunny. how would you suggest I prepare it? can't we just cook it whole? you mean, throw it on the fire as is? fur and all? you'd eat that? well, no, but it would make me feel a little better. oh, well, sure. I mean, that's all that matters here. really? ok, just get out the peanut butter and jelly. you're not gonna cut that open too, are you? no, but I'm thinking of doing it to you. you can't be serious! not yet.

oh my god! I just remembered something! yeah? what? I forgot to have breakfast! what made you think of that? I dunno, but let's eat! good idea.

edna, I'm gonna need several Schedule E forms for this. I thought you didn't pay any taxes, stanley. I don't, and this is how.

what is all that noise, chauncey? I can hardly hear the fawning TV news. your constituents, sir. they're outside the walls. here to pay tribute to their favorite leader, no doubt? it does my heart good to know that they love me so. I am not so certain they are here for that, sir. oh? how do you know, mr. smart guy? um, just looking out, or really at, the windows, I guess. well aren't you the perceptive one. not at all, it's pretty obvious, actually.

I'm home! shit! what the hell happened here? dude! where's the floor! oh, you noticed? I took it out. you. . . but why? had to. you're not holding up your end. my end? of what? the deal. you didn't do the dishes. didn't take out the garbage. . . ok! I get it! I'm a lousy roommate! but what happened to your passive aggression? this goes way beyond that! I know. I was just gonna call you and hang up. but then. . . I had a different idea. no kidding. you outdid yourself. gee, thanks! don't mention it.

watcha doin', bert? nothin', ernie. me neither. life's pretty boring, isn't it. you said it. I wish there was something to make it interesting. well, when you find it, be sure and let me know. as if. right.

hey claude, you going to the community action meeting? oh yeah. and I'm bringing a friend. yeah? who? guido. guido? but he. . . he's an. . . . enforcer? that's him. I only get him involved when there's no other alternative. what's he gonna do? the shit we're dealing with in DC? I'm gonna turn him loose. he gonna turn that cesspool upside down, is what he gonna do. can he really do that? those lyin' morons know what's good for 'em, they better run. I'd definitely like to see that. you and a whole lotta other people.

isn't it a beautiful evening, edna? yes, stanley. but must you keep tickling me? I'm not tickling you, edna. well there's nobody else here! hmmm. is it just my imagination, or are those trees kind of. . . twitching? they do seem to be in some sort of harmony, don't they? you think that they're, I don't know, communicating? that can't be. but I'm pretty sure this leafy branch poking me in the side wasn't here before. it's kinda cute. maybe it wants you to share your popsicle. you think so? I honestly have no idea, edna.