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your executive office is ready, mr. president. good. I assume it befits a supreme leader such as myself, wielding absolute power over the populace. we spared no expense, sir. you know how particular I am about my surroundings. especially with my hair, and all. the office will precisely announce your level of intelligence and emotional stability. er, you trying to tell me something? yes, sir. your huge TV is on its way. tanning bed too? of course. perfect.

what are we doing here, arkady? I don't like this place. nobody does, comrade. well then? we have an informer in our midst. that's not possible! unfortunately, it is. do you know who? I do. he's in there. in. . . there? has he talked? oh yes. quite a lot. what about? about. . . . you, comrade. me? says you're his contact. no! it's a lie! maybe. we'll find out. what. . . what happens next? I think you know. isn't there anything I can do? say your prayers. that's funny, arkady. a lot of good that would do me. I really can't think of anything else. that's just great. well, you asked.

hey Bert, you bring your mitt? got it. what position you playing? outfield. ok. who's gonna play first? right. whaddya mean, right? who's on first. that's what I asked! and I just told you. is this some kinda joke? you mean you don't know? know what? what's on second. what? that's right.

hey steve, how's the new speech coming? it's gonna be great, don. the best. good, good. I wanna kill 'em tonight. you will. just read your lines. they'll be eating out of your hand. yeah, but you know I can't do that, right? do what? read. my lines. just can't do it. well your hair looks great. you think so? wish I had some. but you can! all it takes is money! that's all? and a certain lack of. . . confidence? what? nothing. you wanna mention the hurricane? what hurricane? uh, the one that just happened? oh, right. ok, but only if I get to throw in a shot at horseface. really? it's genius, right? no doubt about it. so true.

how is the experiment coming, doktor? excellent my boy! all is ready! what is it? I'm creating a new physical world! really? where? why, right here, of course! feel the heat! you mean, like another earth? exactly! can you imagine? what about the one we have now? now? well, mother earth is about to. . . disappear. all the people on it too? people? people are over-rated. but. . . my girlfriend? she'll be. . . gone? yes of course. now put your finger right here. what does this do? it's the history eraser button. my own invention. go ahead and press. what happens then? this miserable world will cease to exist! it will be the dawn of a new age! but we won't be here to enjoy it! what do you mean, 'we?' haha! you mean. . . ? you're looking at the emperor of the new earth! at last! uh, doktor, are you taking your meds? meds? what meds? bow to your new lord and master! think I'll go home, doctor. see you tomorrow. maybe. maybe not! haha!

what's up, jerry? hey, marv. I just opened my new store! looks great, eh? yeah, but, dude, it's inside an abandoned warehouse. so? so how you gonna get customers? easy! word of mouth! whose mouths? rats? hey, they need stuff too, don't they? yeah, but their credit probably stinks! cash only, my man. wow, jer, you think of everything. gotta have rules.

hey, phil. why so blue? ah, marge left me. again? isn't this the third time? don't remind me. she'll be back. I dunno. so, uh, what's with the cage? you had to mention that too? sorry man. just one of those days, eh? you can say that again.

we been here a while boss. stop whining. that's what you gotta do on a stake-out. you think he spotted us? that moron? no way. I only asked because of the camera. what camera? the one that's pointing right at us. that's a camera? shit! good thing we wore suits today, eh? wish I combed my hair. what'd you say? nothing! never mind! we done here, boss? it looks that way. thought so. what you say? nothing!

sir! I'm here to report on the results of my mission. proceed. I infiltrated the enemy's compound and destroyed the target as ordered. you blew up the cannons? excellent! cannons? um, no. I ate all six cases of yogurt though. maybe even seven. yogurt? you mean to tell me the enemy cannons can still shoot at our ships? you said Dannon! destroy the Dannon! didn't you? oh my god. and I hate yogurt! eating that stuff was the hardest thing I ever did! you are a true patriot. I’m still bloated. I see. it shows?

do you like the room, edna? it's lovely stanley. that was quite a party last night. I'll say. did you return the lamp shade? what? the one you were wearing on your head all night. I don't really recall that edna. check your web site. the pics are all there. should I be worried? only if you have no sense of humor. I do though, don't I? you better.

how's the ride, bert? great. it's gonna be in the big parade. really? you mean, you finally put in an engine? after all these years? well, no. it'll be towed. towed? in a parade? to celebrate procrastination pride! I gotta say, that's perfect. it is, right? totally.

hey fellas, ready to tee off? no jerry. somebody didn't book a tee-time. what? wasn't one of you gonna do it? that wasn't what we agreed, jerry. and now the course is booked all morning. dammit! so now what? well, we thought we'd just, you know, relax. is that why you're dressed that way? we always dress this way jerry. haven't you noticed? um, I guess I was busy looking for my lost ball. obviously. hey! it's a tough course! uh-huh.

slave! I need you! yes, lord ba'al. look at this garbage text someone sent to me! a text? let's see. "they demolished the sacred pillar of ba'al, then tore down his temple and made it into a latrine, which it is to this day." well?! it's a quote from the bible, lord. 2 Kings 10:27. it's trash! heresy! it kind of sounds like a threat. who sent it? you know who. you mean, jehovah? he texted you? I knew I should have given him a better price on that '49 Mercury. and maybe disclosed the defective oil pump? that too.

lars, what the hell is going on? who knows, claude. we elected a madman. we did. and you know what neitzche said. yeah: madness is rare in individuals, but is the rule in nations. so he's not the madman, we are? he's a venal, narcissistic child. and us? we're nuts for not caring. meaning we got what we deserve. awesome. you want another drink? yeah. and keep 'em coming.

the world is so divided, Curtis. it is, Leon. a real shame. I'd sure like to see what it's like on the other side. me too. it's not like we have much to lose. right! how many blood-sucking vampires feeding their own vanity can be running things in this world? one is way too many. and we got the prize. gimme those bolt cutters. we are so outta here.

what can I do for you comrade? I have an appointment to see the russian federation minister of internal affairs. have you now? you ever been inside here before? no. quite a place. yes. we try and keep it, shall I say, casual. you can definitely say that. less clean-up and overhead, after. after what? pray that you're not about to find out, comrade. thanks for the tip. my pleasure.

hey lars, what's up? oh hi, fred. I'm headin' to the cell meeting. what meeting's that? the W.U. the what? shhh. not so loud. the Werewolf Underground. wow, what's that? it's, you know, a secret society. ah. underground! yeah. and it's a full moon tonight, so. . . I gotta get ready. so you're a . . . you know. . . yeah. I am. damn! why do you meet? we go over things. werewolf etiquette, latest howling technique, flea and vermin eradication, stuff like that. sounds exciting. not. and after, I hunt prey with my wolfen brothers. whoa! you won't tell anyone, will you? me? no way! good. meet me at the park, at midnight. ok. midnight. right. and bring a friend. a friend? I'll be very hungry. sure, lars, sure. I'll, ah, I'll bring two! one for yourself? good thinking. yeah. isn't it?

what're we doin' here, boss? it's the end of the line for our passenger. passenger? it's just you 'n me here. he's in the trunk. he is? I don't hear nothin'. he's beyond makin' noise. there's a shovel too. so? so get out and dig. why here? because this is where he ends up, that's why. got that? got it.