honeyj's photos

what's up, claude? hey maurice. I started a new diet. really. which one? I eat anything I want, as much as I want, whenever I want. that's a diet? maybe not a good one. but the result of clean living! of course it is. can I get on it too? absolutely. grab yourself a hot dog. ok. hey, this is a great diet! I feel better already! me too! and pop open another beer. this diet makes me thirsty. you got it.

cheeseburger! cheeseburger! cheeseburger! cheeseburger! and 3 chips.

we found it, private. what's that, sir? the portal. there it is. at last! portal to what, sir? the other side. the 4th dimension. an alternative universe! are you sure about that, sir? no question, private. my guru told me about this. was that in officer training, sir? well, no. it was allen ginsberg. at a poetry reading in 1968. oh. but he knew! he knew! of course, sir.

stanley, we're almost out of scotch. I know, edna. these people are soaking up the liquor like it's going out of style. well, they're your friends, stanley. where'd you get that idea? I thought you knew them. me? I've never seen these people before in my life! so we've got a house full of booze hounds we totally don't know? great party, though, isn't it? it is. it really is.

eureka! what, professor? my boy, we've uncovered a major find. of historic value! what is it? clearly, it's the bony structure of a proto-pterodactyl! are you sure? oh yes. the extended beak is a dead giveaway. beak? there's a beak? and look here! 3 eye sockets! amazing! 3 eyes? on a dinosaur? we've discovered a never-before-seen sub-species! the world's only 3-eyed animal! it's a total scientific breakthrough! professor, I don't think. . . a new sub-species! I'll be famous! turn it over. maybe there's 3 more on the other side. brilliant! I never thought of that! glad I could help. I must hire a press agent! this is going to be big! stupendous! maybe even in a good way. eh? what's that? and for this I gave up a career in real estate? I'll need a new suit! right away! maybe even a tie!

say, what are these? figs, man! you know, produce! you selling this here? I sure am. you want some? you can't be doing that. whaddya mean? everyone's selling stuff here. this is a black market. whoa. you mean, like stolen merchandise? no! I mean you can only sell black stuff here. what? no kidding? afraid not. and whatever these things are you're selling, they certainly ain't black. damn. so, is there a, you know, yellow market nearby? sure is. 2 blocks down, take a left. can't miss it. for real? would I kid you about a thing like that? right. how silly of me.

I gotta hand it to you, lars, you really did it this time. yeah? what'd I do now, egon? you left the goods in the car, is what you did. so? so we're in here, while the car is way the hell out there. so go get 'em if you want 'em. that would require me to stop what I'm doing right now, see? so? and who knows when I'll ever get to do this again. you live for the moment, dontcha, egon? every second counts, lars. you should remember that. I will, I will. but I'm sure that sandwich will still be here when you get back. yeah? can I trust you, lars? you know you can. do I? sure. sort of.

dude! you totally painted over my masterpiece! and after I used all my last spray cans on it! sorry man. I didn't know you owned this wall. what? no, of course I don't. I just tag here. and you actually thought that your bombs would be protected? well. . . yeah. there's a name for idiots like you. what's that? forget it. I'm too nice a guy to say.

another message from the KGB, prime minister. what about, sergei? agent orange, sir. didn't the amerikanskis stop using that defoliant years ago? not the chemical, sir, our mole in the white house. ah, yes. such a perfect and ridiculous alias. well, what about him? still up to his usual tricks? he never stops, sir. he knows his debt to you can never be repaid. so reliable. has he learned to spell yet? not even close. he just mis-typed the opposition as the 'democratic panty.' ha ha! how freudian. such a moron. our moron, right sergei? bigly, sir. believe me.

ok, lars, I give up. what is it? I'd try and explain it to you, but there's no point. well, what does this little thing do? don't touch it! it's the history eraser button, you fool! . . . um, who are you? funny, I was going to ask you the same question.

edna, you know I love you. yes, stanley. I know. and you know I would tell you anything you ask. I know stanley. there are no secrets between us at all. and I love that stanley. but why is your coat on? are you going out? yes, I am. where are you going? don't ask. I can't tell you. after what you just said? you trust me, right, edna? don't ask, stanley.

it's a beautiful night, boss. it would be, if your cousin angelo did his job. whaddya mean? he didn't deliver the package. he didn't? which means I gotta find him, before our friends find me. whaddya want me to do? bring him to me. ok boss. once I get my hands on that rat angelo, then it'll be a beautiful night.

can you hear me? what do you want of us? why did you come to this planet? I don't think it's listening, sir. nonsense, filbert. it's listening. we just have to talk louder. maybe it doesn't speak English. but it came here, dammit. not moscow. well, maybe it went to moscow first, sir. maybe moscow actually sent it here. by god, filbert, you're right! it's a commie plot! brilliant deduction, sir! call the white house! I've got to notify national security! no miserable commie dishrag alien is going to upset our way of life in the good ole US of A!

you summoned me, o great pharaoh? yes, steward. we have a little problem. problem, sire? it's the undead. they're at it again. oh no. what now? well, among other things, they've been seen in public. you know I can't abide that. makes the populace. . . anxious. true. they may be undead, but I'd rather suffer through seven plagues than have to deal with this PR problem. got it? I'm on it, master. good. now what's next on the agenda? moses, lord. he wishes an audience. that wack job? what does he want now? no idea, lord. fine, bring him in. how important can it be?

are you attending the next meeting, comrade? no, I've a prior engagement. the chairman will not be pleased. I'm sure the central committee can carry on without me. nevertheless, you will be missed. one meeting, believe me, they'll get over it. true, comrade, but you, you. . . may not. hmmm. yes, I see your point. of course, count me in. I thought you would understand, comrade. one does what one can.

gimme that phone, benny. I gotta call my bookie. but boss, the ball game is over. not the game. look out there. those boats are racing. I see 'em, boss. but they already started. how you gonna fix that? hey, what have I told you? anything can be fixed. even this? how? we find out which boat's gonna spring a leak, then bet on the other one. a leak? what, you want I should shoot some rowers? no! I'm a very peaceable man benny. you know that, right? glad to hear it boss.

your new network server is here. where do you want it? put it in that stall. ah, there's a horse in there. should I move him out of the way first? no. that's his office. the server's for him. really? he knows computers? for sure. he's my accountant. it's amazing what the promise of a few oats can accomplish.

good morning, herr doktor. come here, boy. look at this marvelous box. where'd it come from? I uncovered it at the archeological site. looks persian. way older than that, actually. see these symbols? very ancient. cool. are you gonna open it? no. but you are. me? how come? my boy, I have determined that opening this ancient reliquary will unleash forces the world has never seen. yeah? ok. but where are you going doktor? don't worry. I'll be right outside. behind this massive lead shield. ok. the top just comes off so easy. what's that? OH MY GOD!!! AAAAAAGH!!! I was right! ha ha!! I'll be rich! oh, uh, how are you, my boy? are you, er, there? [gurgle] I see. well, I'll just send your mother a note that you won't be home for dinner. [foop] or at all.