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good morning, mrs. lubner. can billy come out and play? hi joey. here he comes. what are you boys up to today? we're fixing up the new clubhouse. it's gonna be real neat! new clubhouse? where is it? oh, not too far. just. . . down the road. a bit. well don't do anything dangerous. no way. there's hardly any rebar! only a couple holes in the floor! I think you're teasing me, young man. ha ha, that's right. say, billy doesn't happen to have a jackhammer, does he? a what? never mind.

my building has every convenience.it's gonna make life easy for me. it's gonna be easy to get things done. I'm going to relax along with my loved ones. take the highway and come up and see me. I'll be working. but if you come visit. I'll put down what I'm doing. my friends are important.

isn't it strange how these humans seek to anthropomorphize everything? indeed, sire. they are a strange species. it sickens me to think of our beautiful snouts being anywhere but on our butts, where they belong. we are an infinitely superior race, lord. we must never forget that. sorry, I didn't catch that, sire. I was busy sucking viscera out of a human entrail. well don't hog it, man. I'm famished too, you know. of course not, sire. here, you may use my straw.

like it? you can own it! really? wait a minute! not so fast! you once tried to sell me the brooklyn bridge! that? a slight misunderstanding. however, this one is priced unbelievably low. no way! you're a fraud! anyway, it's the wrong color. but a trifle! it was meant for you! you really think so? just sign here. you'll be very happy. well, if you're sure. I've never been more sure in my life. I'm thinking. . . red. or maybe cornflower blue. to match my eyes. what do you think? exquisite taste. do you have any larger bills? these 20s just weigh me down.

hey, Mike, you seen my policy position anywhere? your what? I sure haven't, Donny. damn. I thought it was right here. do you actually have any policy positions, Donny? well, yeah! don't I? I mean, I say I do. all the time! don't tell anyone I told you, but you don't. not even close. really? well that simplifies everything. kind of a relief, eh? you said it. frees me up to watch tv; maybe shine my golf clubs. not that you ever do anything else. what? I said, another productive day then. bigly.

hey, eugene, is that you? yeah it's me, but don't say my name on the phone. why not? because the government's probably listening in. aw, you believe that? I do. they're tapping everyone's phone. good thing your name's not really eugene, then, right? what? It's just your code name. right! my code name. good going frankie. hey! no names! not even your code name? oh, yeah. I forgot. ok, so what did you want? huh? damn. I can't remember. well call me back when you do. ok. and my name's not eugene. right! you all hear that? ok, frankie, see you. later eugene.

why are we here? you mean you don't know? it's a total mystery to me. I've been wrestling with that issue for years. not me. I know why I'm here. really? you figured out the secrets of the universe? what? no way. I'm here for the free fish fry. actually, I can go with that. mystery solved then.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy. just in time to stand in for your erstwhile counterpart. murray? is he still working here? well, he was. you can find him over there. where? here? there's only a circle of ice on the floor. not ice. ice-9. the murray version of ice-9, to be exact. he accidentally came in contact with it while holding that metal prong. what happened to him? well, as you know, ice-9 is a polymorph of water which melts at the elevated temperature of 45.8 °C, or 114.4 °F. When it comes in contact with liquid water below that temperature, it becomes supercooled. so? it acts as a seed crystal and causes the solidification of the entire body of water, which instantly crystallizes as more ice-9. but what about murray? well, like everyone else, he was mostly water. so. . . . ? so, naturally, he crystalized when he touched it, and that's what's left of him. my god! he was about to make me some coffee. but now you're here, so. . . you don't mind, do you? um, I guess not. with cream and sugar, thanks.

is this the place? can't you tell? how should I know? don't you smell fried food? what, we came here to eat? do you know me? do I. . . of course I do. what's the first rule? it's. . . eat when you can. because? because you never know when you'll eat again. you get it now? I got it.

what do you think? I think it would be fun to wear. really? I mean like now. oh. how about we wait til tomorrow? you sure? pretty sure, yeah. Here's the "other" Nick Cave. The one who plays with the Bad Seeds. My video from Masonic Temple, in Detroit, entitled "the Tiny Fucking Little Screen," which you will understand if you watch: www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzBpnPF6fSw

so the term 'gothic' was first coined in the 16th century. yeah? by a florentine named Giorgio Vasari. never heard of him. gothic architecture referred to the Nordic tribes. you know, the Goths. good band. shut up. they overran the Roman empire in the 6th century. so? he thought this architecture was debased. just like the Goths. no way that guy surfed. what? try and focus for once. I'm just saying.

sir! the enemy is in range! excellent, corporal! fire the cannons! yes sir! oh my god! what is that awful smell? corporal, is that you? sir? did you just let loose? what? no sir! it's the enemy, sir! they're using chemical weapons on us! oh, is that all? for a second there, I was going to be very put out. carry on, corporal! yes sir!

the visigoth invaders will attack at dawn, my liege. is the castle prepared? it is. the cauldrons of boiling oil are in place. archers? ready. fire arrows? 10,000, stacked, with fire pots. did you shut the castle doors? oh. well, uh, I might have left them open, my liege. whatever for? I thought a little breeze might be, you know, nice. well close them, you idiot! of course, my liege. and don't call me liege. ok, ralphy. better.

you have a meeting with the joint chiefs, mr. president. you like my cufflinks? from my days at the military academy. oh? they'll impress those guys. you'll impress the joint chiefs. . . with cufflinks? they'll beg to give me a parade. they will? bigly. like Putin's and little rocket man's. I. . . don't know what to say. totally old school, eh? and mine will be the biggest and best parade ever, believe me. somehow I have no doubt. what do those military guys know that I don't know? sir, it's becoming increasingly clear every day

hey, eddie. boss says watch this guy. how come? he do something? who knows? boss just says hold him. like actually hold him? he going somewhere? we ain't taking that chance. understand? yeah, I get it. but where's he gonna go? it's where you're gonna go, you screw up. fine. gimme that bucket and some cement. now put his feet in it. whoa. aren't you being a little extreme? hey, extreme this. you want him to stay put? he's staying put. we clear? perfectly.

good morning, herr doktor. say, have you seen murray today? murray? why, er, yes, I have. do you know where he is? not exactly. but I do know where he isn't. what? he agreed to help me test my new invention, you see. what invention? it's a little device that captures and eviscerates mass protons. sounds interesting. but where's murray? well, he was right over there. but, as you can see, he's not there now. you mean. . . my god! what happened to him? actually, I'm not really sure. I need to run further tests. further. . . ? yes. you aren't busy right now, are you, my boy? me? why, no. I mean, yes! very busy! this will only take a minute, I promise. but what about murray? if you happen to see him, or some form of him, be sure and say hello for me.

I called this meeting to discuss the plan. are we all set? we are. is it dangerous? very. good thing we have a secure hide-out. you can thank me for that anytime. I will. our tunnel is now only inches below the surface. and once we break through? the Secret Service will go nuts. for giving the White House a second shit hole? when you put it like that, maybe not.

I'd like to speak to the complaint department. what seems to be the problem? I am not satisfied with the service I'm getting here. what's wrong with it? what's wrong is that there is no service. none. none you say? what service are you looking for? I need a rail ticket to L.A. I want the express. do you now? unfortunately, that train doesn't stop here anymore. what? nor any other train, for that matter. since when? since, oh, about 30 years ago. I had no idea. yeah. it's hard to tell by looking around, isn't it? damn. you coulda fooled me. no kidding.