Detroit City

frankie, I've made up my mind. yeah? what about, joey? I'm getting out of this life. gonna do something useful for a change. useful like what? I dunno. maybe I'll write a book. yeah? what'll you call it? oh, something like the life and times of a no-good, rotten, low-down commie rat. gee, that sounds kinda like me. just a coincidence. yeah? I'm sure.

see? I told you. you told me? you said he's alive. well there's your proof. I told you. this? what does this prove? sid lives, just like it says. sid? I don't know any sid! I don't care about sid! I don't need to find sid! you don't? then why'd you ask me? I said the kid! what happened to him? he disappeared! the kid! not sid! the kid? oh. well, maybe we should ask sid. he might've seen him. sure. from the looks of this place, I'll bet he's a wealth of knowledge. I definitely think so too.

hey, man, how was the meeting? great! we got a lotta information on the push for gender equality; treating women with respect, and stuff. that's cool. so where you headed now? guess I'll just go back to the love hole. what? you know, my girlfriend. really? I thought maybe you meant your crib. yeah, whatever. I see you learned a lot today. I did! I'm totally changed! for sure.

check out my new TV, bert. sweet. where'd you get it? off the back of a truck over there. got a great deal. how's the picture? dunno. can't seem to get it to work. how good a deal you say you got? maybe I'll have to tell you later. yeah maybe.

what's new, Willy? oh nothin'. just another day. you like living here? well, sure, I guess. why wouldn't I? I dunno. just thought you might get tired of it's lack of, you know, amenities. hey! I don't have to stay here. I choose to, you get me? of course. if you say so. but have you ever been outside? what? out there? hell no! is anything stopping you? of course not! whaddya mean? . . . isn't it dangerous though? oh yeah. it's dog eat dog. so it's true! say, you're not a dog, are you? no offense; just checking. woof! I mean, understood.

I'll have a schnapps please. only if you can spell it. how about I sing it? not a chance. we have a reputation to uphold. are you saying I can't sing? hey, you catch on quick, don't you. maybe not so much.

where does this thing go? mainly in a big circle. you end up back where you started. damn. that's the story of my life. it's perfect for you then. that'll be 75 cents please. you mean I have to pay to go nowhere? you're used to it though, aren't you? how'd you know that? just a guess.

hey maurice, look what I found. what is it claude? those sneaky humans. it's a trap. I can't believe it. a trap? for us? can't be! it's a barbie doll! that's what it looks like, but don't be fooled. you sure? it looks like a normal barbie to me. don't be an idiot! these humans are insidious! you can't trust them! gee, I don't know. can't I take it home? I have this strong desire to comb her hair. and other stuff. what? comb her hair? you're a wolf for christs sake! can't you act like one? it's this city life. it gets to you, you know? yeah, I do know. say, when's the next bus? I got shopping to do. should be here any minute. cool. you got money? how did I know you'd ask? c'mon! I forgot my wallet! your pants too, I see. yeah. it's one of those days. sucks, doesn't it. it does. it truly does.

isn't our new ballroom lovely, stanley? yes, edna. it certainly is. we are truly living in a golden age, don't you think? it's all because of you, edna. oh stanley, you are such a dear. now fetch me a drink, would you? I see some people who owe me money. be nice, stanley. they're our guests. I'm always nice, edna. to a point. yes dear, just don't make that point too sharp. I wouldn't think of it. I knew I could trust you. you can, edna. all the way.

what's the status, officer? is the crime scene secure? oh, detective. thank god you're here. they're inside. we can't let them get away. not a chance. give me a description of the perps. well, as you can see. . . see what? c'mon man, I need a description, and fast! ok! well, there's 4 of them. . . 4! damn. this could be tough sledding. we may need back-up, and fast. well sir, 3 are blond. one's wearing white pants. the others. . . faces, man! did you get a look at their faces?! actually, no, sir, but they're right. . . damn! ok, it's down to this. I'll take the front. you go around back and flush them out. there's only so many places these animals can hide. but sir, they're right over th. . . get on it, man! we're dealing with desperate criminals! there's no time to lose! yes sir. it's just that. . . first I'll get those innocent bystanders in the lobby to safety. no! I mean, sir, they're not inno. . . I mean those are the. . . are you still flapping your gums, officer? get going! or would you rather be assigned to parking enforcement? yes sir! I mean, no sir! I'll get a commendation for this collar! might even make chief inspector if I play it right! hmmm. I'll have to buy a new suit. damn, what color? blue sir! I mean, it would match your eyes! you really think so? yes sir! I do sir! ok, blue it is.

whatcha up to, maurice? nothin'. just watching my team go down in flames. they suck, don't they. yeah. too bad for them. yeah? how come for them? how come is because I had money on their sorry asses, and they ain't even gonna make the play-offs. you sound like a sore loser. not as sore as these guys are gonna be. they're dead meat. you mean that figuratively, of course, right? I wouldn't assume that. oh. not so good for them, is it? not good at all.

are the virgins here? yes, my lord ba'al. and are they. . . um. . . excited? naturally, lord. who wouldn't be, to have the honor of being sacrificed for you? true, true. one thing, though. they want to. . . drop acid first. they what? to lose their minds, they say. so as to improve the experience, I assume? I'm sure, lord. their devotion to me is so gratifying. it goes without saying. indeed. but you can say it anyway. of course, lord.

hey, bert. I don't see you here very much. I know, marv. I just came to pick up my ride. you came to church? for a car? yeah, it's finally finished. who worked on it? it was, you know. . . jesus. what? yeah. pretty good mechanic, all things considered. jesus. worked on your car. that's what you're saying? yeah! he calls me and says it's done, come get it. he called you? he can't wait to take a ride. says, "let's hit the fuckin' road, bro." well that makes total sense. so, by chance you got 5 bucks? I'm low on gas. and cash. can't jesus pay? you're joking, right? I'm not gonna make jesus buy me gas! what're you, nuts? yeah, what was I thinking? c'mon, dude. get real. yeah.

the machine is ready, herr doktor. excellent my boy! throw the switch! doktor! the building! it's vibrating! hah! my theory is correct! in seconds this structure will cease to exist altogether! at least in this dimension! but. . . what about us? you mean you. my protective shield insulates me from the machine's effects. brilliant, eh? haha! and. . . me? you? oh. hmmm. maybe I'll figure out a way to bring you back. back? from where? who knows! but wherever it is, have a nice trip!

what are we doing here, herr doktor? my boy, we are about to engage in a great experiment! it will challenge the very nature of our universe! do you need me to prepare a scientific protocol? no need! I have it right here! I found it this morning. you. . . found it? yes! the secrets of all creation! in my breakfast cereal! amazing! you were eating fruit loops, weren't you? as a matter of fact, yes! let me guess: with bourbon? even better: butterscotch schnapps. Prost! of course.

hey, lou, what are you doing here? as you see. I'm trying to make some money. how's that working out? beats my day job. yeah? what's that? balancing the city's budget. damn. that sounds impossible. maybe. you gonna put some money into that bucket? oh. sure. thank you for helping to reduce the deficit. wow. creative fiscal strategy you got there. it is. how about another buck? no problem. I'm all for helping the city. way to go.

he's here. who's here? you know. no he's not. yes he is. I can feel it. hey, don't kid around about something like that. you're freaking me out. I'm not kidding. he told me he'd be here, and he is. he told you? how? he sent me a text. you text with him? are you friends? he has no friends. I told him I'd bring him a treat. treat? what kind of treat? you. I'm the treat? are you nuts? maybe. but don't turn around. why not? you're not gonna like what you're about to see.

let us open our hymnals. excuse me, I'm not really here for the service. no? what then? I just stopped in to get out of the cold. I see. you know that the homeless shelter is down the street. oh, I'm not homeless. no? in fact, I just moved in next door. you mean. . . we're neighbors. well then, I hope to see you at mass. I doubt it. but if you want to come watch the game on tv, you're welcome. very kind of you, I'm sure. you can bring the food. oh? it's my sense of spiritual priorities you see. eating right, and often, is definitely one of them. good to know. so bring lots. right.