Detroit City

sit right here, paulie. ok, sal. but why are you tying me up? I got bad news. it's boss' orders. how long do I gotta be here? I got more bad news: as long it takes for this building to fall down. gee, it kinda looks like it could fall down any second. yeah, it do. let me guess, you got even more bad news? yeah. I'm leaving. you're staying. I gotta agree with you. yeah? about what? you're giving me a lot of very bad news. yeah. it's too bad. you're telling me.

lord? yes, archangel, what is it? time to consider your winter vacation again. have you found us a place? you know what I like. your favorite lakeshore is snowed in, lord. however, I found something else. oh? what is it? it's very spacious, lots of light. you could say cozy. almost. sounds good. just needs a little sweeping up, is all. baal's not the owner, is he? oh, no. not at all. ok, good. I hate getting robbed by that guy. I know, lord. anything else would be paradise. I'm sure you'll be pleased. so, no sand toys? not this time, I'm afraid. asbestos maybe, but no sand. oh well. I'm sure the place has other fine qualities. I'm sure.

are you busy tonight, shirley? no, harry. why do you ask? I want to take you out. that's nice. where? I'm thinking of a little place I know. very quiet. ok. what do they serve? well, actually, they don't serve anything anymore. if they ever did. like I say, it's very quiet. how quiet? like a tomb. sounds a little creepy. yes, well, that's part of its charm. if you say so. I do.

geez, I can't keep my eyes off him. yeah, pretty creepy, ain't he? quiet! he'll hear you! no way! and you know what'll happen next. what? he'll tweet your ass to death. c'mon. he's all-powerful. he doesn't have time for that kind of childish nonsense. I know it's absurd. but it's his thing! so you're saying he's, like, an immature blowhard with narcissistic personality disorder? pathetic, isn't it? we are so screwed. tell me about it.

isn't this a perfect spot, edna? it is, stanley. except. . . except what? well, except for your brother. my brother? just look at him! it's embarrassing! oh come now. he can't help being that way. but you're not like that! I guess I got my mother's genes. whose did he get? we decided we don't want to know. probably for the best. for sure.

may I help you? yeah, is jimmy home? no he ain't. whaddya want? I'd like to borrow one of his records. you and everybody else in this neighborhood. can't you see he's using them? c'mon, please? which one you want? it's up near the roof. that figures.

you sure this is the hotel? totally. it's right here on my GPS. but where's the valet? we have to carry our own bags? aw, quit your whining. he's probably on a coffee break. I hope we get a nice room. one with a view. from the look of it, I'd say most rooms are gonna have a view. you think? pretty sure.

what's its name? they call it 'fat man.' weird name. what does it do? rules my world. lucky guy.

smithers, it's come to my attention that your orders have gone up by over 50%. yes sir. very good. I'm rewarding you with an executive window office. really, sir? gee, that's swell. you've earned it. just one thing, sir: will there be actual glass in the, you know, window. sir? what's that? now don't go overboard on me, smithers. we don't need any radical employee activism around here. no sir. of course not sir. now get back to work. and you better button up that coat. it's winter out there, you know. yes sir. and maybe find a wool hat too. right away sir.

nice painting. you do that? yeah. that's me. you a boxer then? nah. but I just broke up with my girlfriend. so this is. . . metaphorical, I take it? you can take it that way if you want. how do you take it? I take it like I just got the shit beat out of me. metaphorically, I assume. not necessarily.

may I help you? yes, I received this subpoena to appear. very well, take a seat. your name will be called. a seat? there's no chairs. are you trying to cause trouble? me? not at all. I'm just pointing out a fact. fact? what fact? that there's no chairs. is that your opinion? no! that's not an opinion! it's the truth! can you read that sign on the wall? yes. 'Truth is Lies.' it would be best for you to remember that. now take a seat. certainly, Miss Conway.

you summoned me, General? did I? what's your name? Parts, sir. Private Otto Parts. Private Parts? I have a mission for you. yes sir! a vital. . . son, your uniform is unzipped. you want to take care of that? oh, uh, sorry sir. for a second there, I thought you were just happy to see me. not at all sir! I mean, yes sir! very well. now then. Private Parts! are you ready for an important and delicate mission? sir! yes sir! your nation needs you, Private! so keep it up! but keep it zipped. got it? got it sir! good.

scout crew to base. come in. base here. what's your situation? we've landed on the exoplanet. and guess what? it supports life. amazing! that's the first sign of life outside our solar system! right! and get this: they may be even more advanced than us! really? you should see the awesome machines they use to get around on this planet! ion-powered like ours? hell no! they use something called 'oil and gas.' completely beyond our technology! great! we need a new sustainable energy source. get all the info you can. my eye stalks are peeled. and if the inhabitants are digestible, so much the better. I know, right?

how do you suppose things got to be like this? who knows? god has a plan. except for defectives like you, of course. me? whaddya mean? you musta been born a bad seed, is all I can figure. really? does it show? well, yeah! not that I mind, but you might want to consider changing your shroud once in a while. but I do! every other year. whether it needs it or not. I bet that gets you a lot of dates. it does! not with real girls, of course. awesome.

look at them, archangel. they're transfixed. by you, lord. they're positively rapturous. I'd prefer that you not use that word, archangel. it has certain inaccurate theological connotations invented by humans. of course, lord. another one of their bad ideas. anyway, we wouldn't want to interfere with a perfectly good baseball game, now would we? not at all, lord. ok then. batter up.

why are we meeting here, donny? I have to be careful. I have enemies everywhere. you do? I do, believe me. geez. this is the only safe place. damn. so, you want the usual? yeah. the comb-over with a little off the top. sure. blond dye goop too? like always. so, lots of it, right? all you got. right.

just say it. I can't! c'mon. it's reality. the thought of that makes me want to puke. you can do it. here we go: Pres. . . Pres. . President. . . c'mon. President Tru. . . no! it's too painful! why is this happening?! alright, take a rest. we'll finish later. we're finished now, man. I hear that.

nice ride, bro. sweet, ain't it. you been driving it a lot? some. mostly, my little buddy takes the wheel. what? he's completely wild! a delinquent! you let him? hey, man, I have no control over the guy, know what I mean? yeah, I do. I have a similar problem myself. the thing is, he definitely knows what he wants, and he's always on the lookout for it. that's intense. I don't think I'd want to ride with him though. no, I don't think you do.