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boss, that posse is closin' in fast. you got a plan? I do: we keep riding through this arroyo. come out the other side, we'll be long gone afore they figure out where we went. good idea, boss, except for one problem. yeah? what's that? this here's a blind canyon. only one way in, and one way out. you don't say? that's a fack. well sir, I wish you'd a-told me that before we led the horses all the way in, what with that posse breathing down our necks. I was fixin' to, but figured you knew what you were doin', bein' the boss and all. I guess that's natural. truth is, though, this is my first bank job. you don't say? you never mentioned that in the job interview. well, it is. and from the look of it, it's gonna be my last. that's just a darn shame. I truly thought this gang had potential. looks like it's the end of a rope for us, slim. a cruel fate, and I am sorry to hear you say it. that makes two of us, I'm sure.

hey, Claude, I hear you got a new government job. yeah, it's great! I get to meet all kinds of interesting and smart people. yeah? like who? like all kinds. I met Putin the other day. yeah? isn't he a total thug, killer and creep? no way! he was really cool! said all kinds of nice things about me! and so you think. . . what? to me, if he says nice things, that's a real asset. and that affects how you perform your job? yeah! he even gave me some tips about emptying the trash! makes sweeping up at the White House a lot easier. I can totally see how it would. I know, right?

when is he due in? any time now. on a big cargo ship. he'll be be suspicious. he don't know us. so? so what are we gonna tell him? we just give him the facts, is all. you think that's a good idea? we'll give him the alternative facts. you mean, we just make something up? works in the white house, don't it? good plan.

good evening, herr doktor. how are you? hello, my boy. come see my new creation. I've been working on this periodic table for days now, and it's just about finished. you mean you've discovered a new element? doktor, that's awesome! well, no. but I've found a very practical application. see? what is it? it's a table. made up of the periodic table. so it's a periodic table. . . table? brilliant, isn't it? stylish too. and useful! I built it while taking breaks from my newest study, "The Effects of Country-Western Music on Suicide." you mean there is one? oh, you betcha!

hey, phil! I heard you retired. enjoy your leisure years! thanks, ed. I've got an excellent plan, now that I won't have a paycheck coming in. planning is everything, they say. yes sir. sold everything. found a nice little place to live. cool. like a condo? you could call it that. modern? not exactly, but affordable. very affordable, in fact. great! I'll come over to watch the game. uh, maybe put that on hold a while. no cable yet. no? electricity's a rumor, too, actually. really. yeah, kinda.

hey, claude. how's it going? jerry, I've just been reading some of these new government policies. me too. pretty strange, eh? you think they gave any thought to these things before rolling them out? nah, man. they're prototypes. what? they're not meant to make sense, or even be legal. then why release them? are you getting all worked up about it? well, yeah. it's working then. you mean. . . it's a con. we're being conned. every day. and we got 4 more years of this? maybe. but look on the bright side. right. the future's so bright. . . I gotta wear shades. terrific.

how much farther? I think we're close to civilization. I wouldn't be too sure. why not? that sign we just passed gave me no reason for optimism. erehwon? that's not even a word! I know, right?

you summoned me, General? did I? what's your name? Parts, sir. Private Otto Parts. Private Parts? I have a mission for you. yes sir! a vital. . . son, your uniform is unzipped. you want to take care of that? oh, uh, sorry sir. for a second there, I thought you were just happy to see me. not at all sir! I mean, yes sir! very well. now then. Private Parts! are you ready for an important and delicate mission? sir! yes sir! your nation needs you, Private! so keep it up! but keep it zipped. got it? got it sir! good.

hey, man, I heard that speech you gave the other night. yeah? like it? I had to really listen.couldn't hardly tell it was you. whaddya mean? I mean you almost made sense for once. using complete sentences, mostly. not you at all. well I got a little advice from my buddy steve. suggested I stick to the script. ordered me, actually. did he write it? well, duh! of course. did you even read it first? as if he would let me! haha! but don't tell nobody, ok? like it's a big secret. it is, right? sure.

how's it going, donny? you hear they tapped my phone? what? who? you know who! it's outrageous! are you sure? well, yeah! I think so! and they're following me too! who is? there's a black helicopter, follows me everywhere I go. helicopter? hey, man, get a grip. they're all going down I tell ya! I got my finger on the button! know what I mean? jesus! steady there big fella. they ain't gonna get me, you hear?! I don't care what happens! excuse me a second donny. ah, security? can you, ah, get in here? right away. yeah. bring the restraints. I made it, ma! top of the world! hahahaha!

welcome back, lord. how was your vacation? excellent, archangel. I feel very refreshed. you always love visiting your favorite lake, don't you. there's no other place like it in the cosmos. how was the water? oh, I didn't swim. too cold for me. way too cold. too cold? for. . . you? that doesn't seem possible. hey, that's how it's supposed to be. and I had my sand toys to keep me busy. good thinking, lord. thanks. I've been known to have a few good ideas, here and there. sand toys being one of them? definitely

how do you suppose things got to be like this? who knows? god has a plan. except for defectives like you, of course. me? whaddya mean? you musta been born a bad seed, is all I can figure. really? does it show? well, yeah! not that I mind, but you might want to consider changing your shroud once in a while. but I do! every other year. whether it needs it or not. I bet that gets you a lot of dates. it does! not with real girls, of course. awesome.

look at them, archangel. they're transfixed. by you, lord. they're positively rapturous. I'd prefer that you not use that word, archangel. it has certain inaccurate theological connotations invented by humans. of course, lord. another one of their bad ideas. anyway, we wouldn't want to interfere with a perfectly good baseball game, now would we? not at all, lord. ok then. batter up.

just say it. I can't! c'mon. it's reality. the thought of that makes me want to puke. you can do it. here we go: Pres. . . Pres. . President. . . c'mon. President Tru. . . no! it's too painful! why is this happening?! alright, take a rest. we'll finish later. we're finished now, man. I hear that.

good morning, comrade general. here is your daily foreign intelligence briefing. thank you. what news? all good, sir. our agents are completely embedded in the executive branch in Washington, DC. and our prime asset? he is carrying out his instructions as a good state functionary. a russian functionary, that is. ha ha. he knows on what side his bread is buttered, eh, sergei? and we feed him lots of butter, don't we. that idiot is turning the USA into an SSR. one tweet at a time, eh, general? tell him to keep it up. not necessary. he's on line 2 for you now. he is? to apologize. he was quoted as saying he hoped Obamacare would "explode," not "implode" like we ordered. mistakes like that we can live with, sergei. I wonder if the Amerikanskis can. ask someone who cares.

I'm going out dear. see you later. should I wait up for you? it's a full moon, dear. oh. that answers that question. I assume you're wearing old clothes, right? oh yeah. they'll be torn to shreds pretty fast. well watch what you eat, ok? no humans this time, please. you always say that. well, the neighbors like to talk. you mean the ones that are still alive? yes. them.

harry, come look at this! what is it, arnold? I got it! proof of the conspiracy! what conspiracy, arnold? the system is rigged! rigged, I tell you! what does this stuff have to do with the system? don't you see? they stashed the evidence here! tried to hide it! yeah? what does that container there say? um, it says, "genuine GM parts. 1972." what does that tell you, arnold? it's obviously a cover-up! right. you are really onto something, aren't you. I know! it's deep! we're gonna have to watch our backs. I'm shaking. me too!

think they'll spot us here? nah. this is a perfect lookout. good. when they enter the valley, fire the rockets. they'll never know what hit 'em. this place will be better off without them too. can you imagine, preferring creamy peanut butter to crunchy? it's disgusting. our supreme leader is right: they're the scum of the earth. basically sub-human. well, we won't have to worry about them anymore. pass me a cracker, would you? you want peanut butter on that? sure. crunchy, right? are you kidding? extra crunchy! I'm not taking any chances. ha ha. good idea.