People’s Republic Of St Helens

I’m declaring independence from the U.K. I’ve had enough of Boris and his dithering buffoonery, Brexit (don’t even start me!) and lockdowns. I’m looking for candidates for the post of Head of Secret Police and a Commander In Chief of Armed Forces so that we can put these incompetent blunderbusses up against the wall. (I don’t actually have any arms at the moment, but I do have a vicious looking corkscrew in the drawer that could definitely have someone’s eye out).