Lake Michigan

you've been a good party member, arkady. thank you, comrade chairman. but, unfortunately, not good enough. what do you mean? we've had to cut your ration this month. why? the new party official ordered it. but, comrade. from each according to his abilities. . . yes, and to each according to his needs, I know. was karl marx wrong? oh no! but some needs are needier than others. that's part of our manifesto? well, since the new guy showed up, it is. can I give you a piece of advice, comrade? what's that, arkady? don't stick too close to the new guy. no? why not? political power grows out of the barrel of a gun. hmmm. I think I get it. good.

I found you perfect vacation getaway, lord. oh? where is that, archangel? a little spot on your favorite lake on earth. my favorite lake on my favorite planet. good. one thing though. what's that? it belongs to ba'al. we have to rent it from him. rent ba'al's place? why does he even have a place? well, he is a former god, and all. and I kicked his ass out! he sells used cars in new jersey! business must be good, I guess. he did sell you a car. I never should have bought that mercury. he's willing to give us a fair rate. I don't want to find any of his wacko icons anywhere. I'll put that in the lease, lord. none of that stuff about virgin offerings. no problem, lord. guy is a menace. I should have taken care of him ages ago. you were a little more. . . proactive then, lord. yeah, those were the days. will I like this place? you'll love it. especially the deck chairs on the water. ok. but don't let him gouge us, archangel. I'll handle everything, lord. sand toys too? naturally. I know what you like.

he's due in anytime. he better. it's getting dark. what's that matter? we gotta swim out there, and I don't like going in the water at night. why not? it just freaks me out. can't see what's down there. what a tough guy. afraid of the dark. hey, I'm not the one brings my teddybear to bed. back off about my teddy. he's very sensitive. no doubt.

you gonna swim there? me? no way, brother. too damn far. no it's not. you can see it from here. you swim then. I'm waiting for the boat. cops might get here before it does. I'll take my chances. not me. I'm going now, while it's still light. suit yourself. but watch out for the barracudas. the what? mean sons a bitches. tear your leg right off. you lie. there's no barracudas out there. don't believe me then. hop on in. what time you say the boat's getting here? any time now. I'll wait. I like being in one piece. thought you do.

a supplicant to see you, your majesty. who is it? a representative of the aristocracy. aristocracy? that's what he thinks. I have no time for him. he says it's important, your grace. yes, well so is my sunset. tell him to beat it. as you wish, your majesty. now where did I leave my sand toys?

halfway between the equator and the north pole. means nothing to me. why not? I feel like I'm halfway between heaven and hell. you don't say. and I don't like the direction I seem to be heading. from what I can see, I don't blame you. your faith in me is encouraging. you're welcome. I was being sarcastic. I wasn't.

did you order the pizza? sure did. it's on its way. you get the kind I told you to? absolutely. anchovies, garlic, pineapple. olives! not pineapple you idiot! olives? you said pineapple. does the word olives sound like pineapple to you? no. not really. you've completely ruined my day. aw, don't say that. I can't help it. tell me something that's good. well, how about that sunset? yeah, nice. but it would look so much better with my pizza. now you're making me feel bad. yeah? good. you can eat the pineapples. ok, if I gotta.

if anybody wants me, I'll be down there. doing what, exactly? communing with nature, if you must know. yeah? and what about that thing you need to do? hey, I gotta pay my respects to nature, ok? sure, but respect this: that thing can't wait long. what are you sayin'? I'm saying you're gonna be real close to nature. how close? like you can't tell where you stop and it starts. that's too close. thought you'd think so.

how was your vacation, lord? excellent, archangel. I can't get enough of my lake. you are still satisfied with it then? yes, I did a masterful job creating that one. I think many humans would agree with you. yes, there were a few there as well. did you, er, reveal yourself to any of them? oh, no. just played my usual subterfuge, pretending to be a lawyer from detroit. a good disguise, isn't it. yes. none had a clue they were in the presence of the lord. so. . . no lightning bolts? only when necessary. I was quite discreet. very prudent, lord.

what are your orders, general, sir? major, I have studied the enemy, and know him intimately. yes, sir? to defeat him, we must think like him. excellent, sir. therefore, please sound the retreat. retreat, sir? to defeat the enemy? we will attack by stragem. they will be defenseless. defenseless against our retreat? exactly. they won't know what hit them. excuse me, but neither do I, at the moment, sir. victory is at hand. I can almost envision the parade I'll be given. hopefully by our own side. yes, well, that would be preferable. indeed, sir.

isn't it a beautiful evening, stanley? it's perfect, edna. just perfect. perfect for just the two of us, right? of course it is. except for your cousin pervis over there. I told you, stanley. he has no place to stay! why am I not surprised? the deadbeat. quiet, stanley, he might get the wrong impression. no, I think he'll get exactly the right impression.

gimme the clicker. uh uh. I'm watching the football game. not anymore. I got something else to watch. so? I was here first. I'm watching this. my tv, remember? give it here. and what if I don't? it'll end in tears. not mine either. you pretty confident of that? confidence level is high, yes. what do you want to watch? 'heidi.' if you must know. why didn't you say so? here. thanks. got any tissues? I always cry watching this movie. me too.

entering earth's atmosphere now, sir. like a bat outta hell, too! whoa, there, buck rogers, you better slow down. the ship can handle it sir. it's arcturus' best. yes, but you're doing all kinds of things to their sky. you mean, the humans can notice us? normally no, but you are pushing our luck. good thing I took us out of hyper-drive then. no doubt. we'd have had the planet spinning backward. wouldn't want that, I guess. not if we want the harvest to stay fresh. you mean, fresh humans, sir? look at them. they are so fascinated by our contrails. amazing. happens every time we're here at sundown. they never learn. that's just what we count on. sort of cute, in a beastly lower-form-of-life kind of way. don't say cute. makes my mandibles quiver. sorry sir

dig in, men. as you can see, the enemy's massing on the horizon. yes, sir. but. . . no buts. look. there's thousands of them. I see, sir, but isn't that. . . why are you talking, and not digging, corporal? I'm digging, sir. I'm digging. it'll be a massive firefight, by morning. but, sir. what if that's just. . . rain clouds? what? are you questioning my judgment, son? don't you think I know the enemy when I see it? yes, sir. of course, sir. but, if it's. . . only rain? hmmm. corporal: break out the men's ponchos. just in case, sir? preparation is the name of the game. and keeping your powder dry, right, sir? yes, of course. always that.

I don't want to go out there. I know. but you have no choice. is there anything I can do? maybe there was before. but you blew it. and that's it? that's it, I'm afraid. kind of harsh, isn't it? life is harsh in these times, friend. I ain't your friend. tell me something I don't already know.

I'm back, boss. so I see. and what have you got to report? he got away, boss. I just missed him. you let him get away? how is that possible? I dunno! I thought I had him! I always knew you couldn't shoot straight. no boss! I was this close! close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. maybe I need to learn how to throw. or run fast. from me. I'd rather not. didn't think so.

I hate doing beach patrol. I'm sick of it. what do you mean? it's the best job ever! no, man. I found another drowning victim. do you know who it was? yeah, she might have fallen overboard. gee. why didn't she take a shower on the boat? what? instead she washed up on the beach? very funny. I got more. I bet you do.

sir, I'll have to ask you to stop your vehicle please. what seems to be the problem? why are there soldiers in the road? you can't travel here. this area is closed for security. but this road is on the map, and there is no other road! can't be helped. go around. that'll take hours! sorry. hey, you got a cigarette? sure. so what's the security risk? we suspect some russian agents have crossed the border. but don't tell anyone I said so. my lips are sealed. here, take the whole pack. thanks. no problem. dosvedanya. what did you say? I mean, I'm outta here. ok, have a nice day.