A Darkness Greater than Night

scout team one calling base. I read you, scout team. what is it? we have a problem. we're stuck on this planet, and don't know how to get off. what do you mean? just beam up like usual. yeah, well, we'd love to, but we sort of lost our device. whaddya mean, you sort of lost it? well, you see, they have these things here called cell phones? so? yeah, well we accidentally picked up one of those, and left our device on a park bench. dammit carl! tell me about it. when we went back to get it, it was gone. so now, some human is walking around trying to make a call with an Arcturan particle beam disintegrater. jesus h. christ! he's liable to obliterate an entire building! yeah, but we've noticed that they seem to tear down everything worthwhile on this miserable excuse for a planet. so then, maybe no one will notice. that's what we're kinda hoping.

we come in peace, earthling. yeah, right. no, really! we do! well then, what's that thing you're holding? this? oh, it's nothing. a mere fashion bauble. what's it do? oh, it does emit a powerful death ray, I guess. a what? capable of liquifying most carbon-based matter. you mean, like humans? well, now that you mention it, yes, I suppose. cool.

do you have the stolen a-bomb secrets, Boris? I lost them, Natasha! some damned little squirrel pooped on my head! can you believe it? Mr. Big will be very unhappy, Boris. it's not my fault! what should I do? defect? and leave me here to face the central committee? with no a-bomb secrets? you would do that to me, Boris? well, I really wouldn't want to. .

stanley, there's something up there. nonsense, edna. it's just a bridge. I know I saw something stanley. hey, what was that noise? stanley! LOOK OUT! OH MY GOD!!!! WHAT IS THAT THING?! stanley! I want to go home! now! just as soon as I get loose from these tentacles, dear.

conform . consume. knowledge is evil. serve the state. obey.

watcha wanna do today, marty? I dunno, mikey. watchoo wanna do? wanna steal some h-bomb secrets? again? nah, I can't. mom says I gotta be home. yeah. me too I guess. tomorrow though? ok, sure.

I love the phosphorescent rain. but sometimes it keeps me up at night. me too. so I put on some frank sinatra records. they put me right out. wow. they let you bring those home from earth? oh yes. the Leader is a big fan. cool. dean martin too. you don't say!

hey man, mind if I get out of the storm for a second? not at all, you may take refuge here. thanks. I owe you one. that's true. but we are patient. what do you mean? that was just an expression. oh, we take it quite seriously here. here? where am I? the one place where your immortal soul can find shelter. well, yeah, I said thanks and all. shelter for all of eternity, that is. eternity? no, I gotta get going. but thanks anyway. as you wish. hey, could you help me open this door? it's stuck. it's not stuck. it doesn't open. what? but I just came in through that door. yes. it only opens one way. you mean. . . you have found it: refuge for your eternal soul. my soul, fine. but what about my body? just part of the deal, I suppose. can't be helped. you're shitting me. right? no. your soul now belongs to me, in perpetuity. who the hell are you, man? you're not. . . oh yes, I am. exactly who you think I am. ha ha. oh jesus christ. I'll put in a good word for you, next time I see him. you see him? you? oh yes, on the golf course. all the time. that's. . . comforting, somehow. I thought you'd think so.

nice leather. thanks dude. nice mohawk. yeah. like your pierced fingers, as well. toes too! sweet.