Invisibility ~ The person I am thinking of tends to be: *

In order to feel socially connected to others, we like to think we know them, and that to some extent we can predict their behavior. Take a moment to think about someone you know well -- a close friend, family member, spouse, and so on, and rate that person according to the three option above.

Now go back and rate yourself on the same items.

Most people rate their friend in terms of traits (the first two columns) but rate themselves in terms of situations (the third column). Why? Because by definition we see only the public actions of others. For our own behaviors, we have access not just to the public actions but to our private actions, private feelings, and private thoughts as well. Our own lives seem to us to be more filled with rich diversity of thoughts and behaviors because we are experiencing a wider range of behaviors in ourselves while effectively having only one-sided evidence about others. Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert calls this the "invisibility" problem -- the inner thoughts of others is invisible to us. ~ Page 144