Woman Zone

Yes, you too can be fake, stiff, and coated in plastic! Just like this flower! From the February Good Housekeeping magazine.

No matter which style you choose, the fifty-layer crinoline will assure that everyone can hear your approach from three blocks away! From the July issue of Everywoman's magazine.

I keep misreading the green bottle on the left as "foam sprig." My eyesight isn't what it used to be. From Good Housekeeping magazine.

Yes, everyone can wear these fashion wonders! Why not buy some for your mechanic, for your dog, for Uncle Fred... ? From Good Housekeeping magazine.

After the first six months of marriage, you can upgrade to the pancake makeup that contains Valium.

"Print and gown designed by Robert Morton. Jewels from the collection of Anna May Wong." But nobody wants to take credit for the big suggestive neon pink plastic... thing. From the April issue of Ladies Home Journal.

Sweetie, you've got something near your left-- Oh. Never mind.

"How often have you heard statements like these: 'I look ghastly in yellow'...or "Blue is the only color I can wear'... or 'I can wear any color, so long as it's green'? Well, we believe you can wear any color-- any of the six lovely fall colors we show on our suits-to-sew, plus many, many more..." A plug for Simplicity Patterns, from the September issue of Everywoman's magazine. (Sorry for the blurry images. Most of this magazine was printed slightly off register.)

"...In a message to Everywoman's, Elizabeth Arden, who has made a lifelong career of beauty says: 'As sensitive as we are to color around us, so few of us are adventurous about color in our own fashions and makeup... I cannot stress enough how much just a different shade of eye make-up can do in achieving this for you...'"

"'...One last thought: Nature is not infallible. Your natural hair color may not be the perfect color for you, and so study yourself and then, if you honestly believe it is responsible for inhibiting you in your personal use of color, by all means change it. And you may find you have also changed your entire outlook on life!...'"

Did this design breakthrough really help, or did it just increase the odds that you'd wind up with lipstick marks directly under your nose? From March's Good Housekeeping magazine.

All the shoppers are standin' like statues All the shoppers are standin' like statues They don't turn their heads as they see me ride byyyyy But a little old adman is winkin' his eyyyyye... From the February issue of Family Circle magazine.

Thank You! For my next trick, I'll squeeze all the detritus on this page into the black binocular case depicted on the right side of the one previous! From the February issue of Family Circle magazine.

I don't remember what ad was on the opposite page, but it must have been awesome, since Miss Turban is literally on the edge of her seat. From the February issue of Family Circle.

I've never before heard anyone use "Crispy" in a complementary sense when referring to clothes. So, a hearty round of thanks to Mr. Borgenicht! From the February issue of Family Circle magazine.

"Photographer: Edward Jacobsen Hat designs: Dorothea Zack Hanie Earrings and bug-pins: Coro Lipstick: Hazel Bishop Shirts: Lady Manhattan" At all times, the model looks like she's waiting for somebody to shout, "April Fool!" Maybe that's why her name doesn't appear in the credits.

It's Wonder Woman and Supergirl! Teaming up to save the Cosmic Tap Pant from the forces of EVIL! From Good Housekeeping magazine.

"...to wear with whatever you are wearing right this minute!" Yeah? Which of the unseen 9 would go with a pair of frayed navy blue sweatpants and a grease-stained Eugene Media Collective t-shirt with a hole in the right armpit? From the December issue of Redbook magazine.