amylsacks' photos

The wreath-shoe combo on the door is obviously some kind of code. Something like: Dear Carolers, I can't abide "Sleigh Ride" and if you subject me to it, you'd best be prepared to walk home in the snow without all the protection you came with. Nowadays, you can preempt such awkwardness. Just put a huge flashing sleigh and musical note together in a circle, with a line through them. Display this prominently on your Facebook page between October 15th and January 5th. Everyone's happy. From the December issue.

Let's bring 'em out one more time, Ladies and Gentlemen: The Toast Talkers! [applause]

So, today we've learned that White Bread is amazingly dull, even toasted. But nine times out of ten, it's all that decent folk are allowed to have. So throw as much random crap onto it as possible before serving it! Thank you, and good night.

Finally, we have a detailed procedure for mashing a sandwich in a waffle iron, freezing it, and thawing it later. I bet that even Martha Stewart would raise an eyebrow at this much needless complication.

If anyone's actually suceeded in downing even one slice of "Lemon Butter Toast," much less convinced someone else to do the same, please check in. (Why? Why?!)

At this point, we're far from the clear-eyed start we made at breakfast time. (I guess regular old French Toast counts as a snack if your customary wakeup time is 3 PM.) There's something called "Nippies," for one thing. Also, I've seen these recipes for "fluffy" (or "puffy") toast snacks before, and I don't understand why they exist. Maybe they were like mini-souffles for people who didn't own the proper baking containers? Seriously, I'm drawing a blank.

Not one, but two recipes with Marjoram ("or Sage") in them! I feel dizzy.

Anyone else remember those flying rubber alien stingray things from It Conquered The World ? Until today, I had no idea what had become of them after the movie was completed.

Either the Club Sandwich in this picture is made of styrofoam, or I need to get my optometrist on the phone, stat!

No lunchtime is complete without a sandwich featuring quasi-cheese, mayo AND butter/margarine. Don't forget!

...and some ideas for when you want something Breakfast Danish-y but the bakery's closed.

We start off innocently enough, with a few variations of French Toast...

Yes, the uses of toast truly are as vast as the cosmos, but of course varieties of toast are not. You've got your Enriched, your Wheat, and your Raisin-- and the latter two only visit our planet about four days out of the year.

My copy has "Nov 1965" scribbled on one corner with a pen, though the graphics look like they're at least ten years older than that. Gotta' love that the Toast Talk Twins are themselves surrounded by a magic loaf space cushion/aura/invisible shield. Front cover of a twelve-page booklet published by American Institute of Baking, Chicago, IL.

"The introduction of many of our garden plants is closely tied up with human progress. In fact, we are greatly indebted to the explorers of the sixteen and seventeenth centuries for a large number of the flowers which now bloom in our dooryards... It was not until the year 1789 that Dahlias were grown on the continent. At that time seed was sent to the Royal Gardens at Madrid. The Marchioness of Bute, wife of the English ambassador to Spain, obtained some of these seeds, and germinated them in an English greenhouse..."

"Everybody knows and loves the cheery Crocuses which brave the winds and frosts of declining winter. No other early flower does more to herald the coming of spring. From the mountain regions of Europe and Asia these members of the iris family have been gathered to brighten our gardens. The name is the Greek equivalent for the Saffron Crocus, and its history is tied up with the Sanskrit and Indian languages..."

Cranial Preservation 'N Storage Vat sold separately. From the December 6th issue of Time magazine.

Fresh-made instant coffee, a trendy layered stone phallic whatsit, and the season premier of the, er, revamped The Flying Nun. Yes, our Winter Solstice Party is off to a flying start! From the December 6th issue of Time magazine.