All Time Family Favorites

Whose family, I wonder?

I do have a vinyl record player (actually a turntable) but I haven't used it in years. It was mostly for ripping some of my favorite music that never made it to CD, and probably never will. Lots of pops and clicks, but once in a while it's nice to go back to them. (All classical, I'm afraid.)

My husband still has a high-end turntable and about 900 records, mostly in pristine condition. Mostly jazz and classical. I have a few myself. To his credit, he has divested himself of about 300 of the less-favorites before we moved to Santa Rosa.

Not one, not two, not three, but twenty-five family favourites! Imagine the fun as the family gathers to enjoy these cherished classics of yesteryear! "Love Pizza" by the Vampire Puppies (Oh oh oh oh oh oh oooooooooooooh you are my pepperoni-oni-oni-oni-oh")! "Tenderness and Garlic" by the Reasonable Alternatives ("Your cloooooves will be mine tonight!")! "I Dig You" by the Mole Sisters ("I can't help feeling that I'm in love with you, so you better break up with that tramp you-know-who")! Plus, if you act now, you will receive, absolutely free, at no cost to you, as a free gift, offered out of our own free love, a fabulous Shake-O-Lytic digital cocktail shaker! No need to count the shakes any more while you're preparing your favourite mixed alcoholic beverages -- the Shake-O-Lytic's patented Nitron 24 technology will tell you when you're...ALL SHOOK UP!! All this for the low low price of one (count 'em, one) dollar or as marked! So don't delay! Call today! Our operators are standing by 30 HOURS A DAY to take your orders! Don't cheat your family! Get on that phone and call NOW.

RIGHT NOW. GET YOUR HAND OFF THE MOUSE PICK UP THE PHONE CALL US UP GIVE US YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER WE DO THE REST

Offer void where prohibited by law. May contain peanuts or peanut allergens. Customers from Ontario must answer a skill-testing question (but the answer is 7 so it won't be hard). Limit 1,000 to a customer. Not an inducement to wager or to break any laws.

Can you record this so I can add it as a soundtrack? :->

Sorry, Sarah. I got hoarse just from writing that.

Ok, I’m sold. Sign me up. You’re very persuasive. In point of fact I’ve got my beady eye on the Portuguese Accordion music. Hope nobody beats me to it. Do you think these will work in floppy drive? Also, and I don’t mean to be picky but, I’ve read the terms and conditions and can’t find any mention of a money back guarantee. Or use of personal data. See, now I’m hesitating.

Thank you for your response. Your email and personal data has been used to the Portuguese Accordion World Association database, and a representative will visit you at the next inopportune moment.

No time to delay, act today, Billathon! It's as easy as 1-2-3!! Just send us:

1 - your name,
2 - your address,
3a - your credit card number,
3b - your credit history,
3c - your criminal record, if any,
3d - a letter of reference from your bank manager,
3e - your medical records for the last ten years, and
3f - an essay about the importance of good musical taste during a pandemic.

We collect this information to protect YOU! No one is going to be running up a charge of $1 or as marked on your credit card without your approval.

Money-back guarantee: You're worried about a crummy 75p? The vinyl in the record alone is worth more than that!! You can't lose!!! So why not take advantage of our special offer? -- 12 records for $11.95 or as marked!

Your dozen records will be speeding their way to you soon! No C.O.D.

Oh no! Now I’m in trouble. I’ve seen how these things start. I’m just in the middle of rewatching the tv series “Fargo”. Small things. That’s how it starts. Things so small they don’t immediately catch the eye. Like for instance: the apparently innocent sounding “Portuguese Accordion World Association”, which turns out to be a front for something much more….well….sinister. Then it all begins to unravel and you find yourself embroiled in things ordinary mortals have no experience of, and have no idea how deal with. Before you know it you’re so far out of your depth Jacques Cousteau couldn’t save you. Oh my! I think I need a lie down. What was that? Was that somebody outside my window? How long has that car been parked across the street? I’ve never seen it here before…..

you will go to sleep now .... sleep .... nothing to worry about .... not a thing .... that distant sound of the Portuguese accordion ... that's just the ringing in your ears ....

Não queremos fazer mal a você. Relaxe e fique calmo.

Vinyl soll ja wieder im Kommen sein. Hier in Bern ging kürzlich wieder ein Schallplattenladen auf. Und ich habe gesehen, dass einige Künstler ihre neuen Werke auch wieder als Schallplatte herausgeben.
Ich habe auch immer noch über 200 davon. :-)

My husband has about 900 .... and he sold/traded in about 300 before we moved. :-)
Lots of vinyl lovers hereabouts.

Michel Fugain et le big bazar, étonnant en Californie !