Vinegar Valentines

An insulting " vinegar valentine " for schoolteachers. Schoolmistress You teach each little elf More than you know yourself; And talk like a petticoat college; To spank the little boys Is the greatest of your joys; 'Tis thus you preside at the seat of knowledge. For another example of a vinegar valentine, see Wretched Typo the Printer .

An insulting " vinegar valentine " aimed at printers. Printer Lead-colored claws, tobacco-stained jaws, Wretched Typo, you cram up your stick, Drunk today to your sorrow, half sober tomorrow, And then swear you're a regular "brick." Your foreman condemns how you count up your "ems," How you "sub" it at half-price he likes, But the editor only, at his desk groaning lonely, Damns you and your interminable "strikes." For another example of a vinegar valentine, see You Teach Each Little Elf More Than You Know Yourself .

"Oh! You Lobster. / It's all very fine to wine and dine / A pretty dear sweet little miss / It looks very swell, but will you tell / How it's done on a salary llike this ($10 per)." This vinegar valentine has been personalized with the initials "F.F." for the man, "J.V." for the woman, and "The Biltmore" hotel as the setting for the wining and dining. The early twentieth-century meaning of "lobster" was similar to today's "sugar daddy." For a similar valentine, see Ye Gilded Boob .

"Ye Gilded Boob. / You think that you are: just it, / With your monocle [kid gloves] and ten-dollar hat." A vinegar valentine that pokes fun at pretentious fools. The reference to a "ten-dollar hat" may come from the saying, "He wears a ten-dollar hat on a five-cent head," suggesting that an expensive hat can't make up for a lack of intelligence. For a similar valentine, see Oh! You Lobster .

"Don't be a dunce. Try to get a little useful information about things in general." Book title: "Things You Should Know." An example of a "cynical, sarcastic, often mean-spirited" vinegar valentine .

"The Jokemaster. / At cracking jokes you're a wow, / But your wisecracks are old, somehow, / Your jokes are stale, your puns are cheap, / You're so darn funny you make us weep!" A vinegar valentine criticizing those jokesters who tell us, "Listen--here's a new one!," and then proceed to relate a stale old chestnut from Joe Miller 's Joke Book (the first version of the book was published as Joe Miller's Jests, or the Wit's Vade-Mecum in 1739).

A vinegar valentine postcard dating to the time when "typewriter" (rather than typist) was commonly used to refer to the person doing the typing as well as to the machine itself. Typewriter About grammar and spelling Just nothing you know, And the letters you type Are a scandalous show!

To My Valentine 'Tis a lemon that I hand you And bid you now "skidoo," Because I love another-- There is no chance for you! In the early twentieth century when this postcard was printed, to "hand someone a lemon" meant--often with humorous or joking intentions--"scram," "beat it," or--in the terms of the fad it was associated with--"skidoo" or "23 skidoo." For other postcards that make the connection between lemons and 23 skidoo, see the Lemons (NOW37) section of the 23 Skidoo Postcards Web site. How do you interpret the scene on this card--is the woman handing the lemon to the man, or has the man just given the lemon to the woman?

What means this shoe so very new? Why, "23" skidoo, skidoo! But if you'll be my Valentine, This shoe, my love, will not fit you. The "23 skidoo" fad--a joking way to tell someone to "scram" or "get lost"--was popular in the 1900s and 1910s. For an amazing compilation of information regarding the fad, see the 23 Skidoo Postcards Web site. Postmarked: Newark, N.J., Feb. 13, 1909. Sent to: Mr. Miles Tarbell, Groton, Tompkins County, New York. Message: Yours sincerely, Belle D.

To My Valentine A lobster I am and always will be; But won't you have pity and please marry me? The early twentieth-century meaning of "lobster" was similar to today's " sugar daddy ." -------- Postmarked: Richland Center, Pa., Feb. 13, 1912. Sent to: Miss Lizzie Krout, Lansdale, Pa. Message: Guess.

My heart has turned from red to grey And is heavy as lead on account of you; For it's loved you long, and it's loved you true, And your coldness has turned it a dismal hue. (This handmade greeting card isn't really a vinegar valentine --it's downright sulfuric!)

This vinegar valentine is a postcard that was addressed to H. W. Booser, 13th Street, Harrisburg, Pa. The card was postmarked first in Lewisberry, Pa., and then a second time in Harrisburg, Pa., on Feb. 14, 1908. Although the postcard was sent anonymously with no message or signature, it's possible that the recipient recognized the sender by the postmark or through the handwriting of the address. As it turns out, Harry W. Booser lived at 121 N. 13th Street in Harrisburg, and he worked as a salesman, so the vinegary humor of the card was apparently directed at him. The Salesman His motto is still do or die And he nags you until you must buy. His line is complete And his nerve hard to beat But sometimes he goes on the fly. Signs, etc., in illustration: Office. This is our busy day. Samples. This way out. 85% discount to jobbers. Expense account.