Happiness Is Heinz

I don't mean to complain, but I think once you've cooked it, you've in fact made a *sauce*.

I spent an hour threading the endive leaves through the green pepper rings just so.

Doughnut-Mint Leaf Surprise! Yum! (Okay, it's really Tomato Stuffed with Kidney Beans.)

Bunch of Grapes Salad, which is in fact a few half-grapes ,a canned pear half, cream cheese, chopped nuts, and mayo. Yikes.

"Here are the 57 Varieties, each briefly described and all illustrated in natural colors. When you shop don't ask for just 'ketchup' or 'mustard' or any other product. Specify Heinz and be sure of perfect results with the recipes in this book."

Not clear how long they want you to marinate the shrimp in French dressing. An hour? A month? It's anyone's guess. Then throw in some pickle wedges and stand around looking high class.

"Jellied Vegetable Ring... Serve with Mayonnaise or Different Dressing..." Or different... everything. That would help.

The maid or butler will be super-proud to serve the "Christmas Canape": toast pieces in star shapes, with Sandwich Spread ("a pleasing combination of mayonnaise, pickles, and vegetables"), and pimento. Yes, quite.

"If salads are going to play the important part they should in our diet, it will mean two salads for the housewife to prepare every day. This is not nearly as difficult as it sounds..." since usually it's just going to be an iceberg wedge with a glob of something mayo-esque plopped onto it. God help us.