Alan Mays' photos

When I gaze in the mirror My future there to see, I wish that I could see you there, How happy I would be!

A Hallowe'en Wish. May all the bats and ghosts and frights Bring jolly fun and laughter And fill your day with such delights You'll smile forever after!

A Farmer's Love Letter Do you care at ( carrot ) all for me, for my heart beats ( beets ) for you and my love is as soft as a squash but as strong as an onion . For you are a peach with your reddish ( radish ) hair and turned-up ( turnip ) nose. You are the apple of my eye, so if we can't elope ( cantaloupe ) then let us ( lettuce ) marry anyhow, for I know we could make a happy pair ( pear )." For a fill-in-the-blanks version , see below:

A Famer's Love Letter My darling sweet ________, do you ________ all for me? My heart ________ for you and my love is soft as a ________. I am for you as strong as an ________. You are a ________ with your ________ hair and ________ nose. You are the ________ of my eye, so if we ________ then ________ be married for I know we will make a happy ________. For a postcard version , see below:

A haunted house photo for the Vintage Photos Theme Park. There's no question that the house in this undated real photo postcard was haunted. We can see that an ectoplasmic substance was flowing down from the roof of the house and drifting toward the men and women below. I don't want to think about what happened to the unsuspecting group when the ectoplasm reached them. In addition, the radiating beams of energy visible in the lower right-hand corner could only have emanated from a ghostly orb just out of camera range. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the orb drifted right through the front door of the haunted house, startling the photographer and causing the photo to be off-kilter. Of course, some investigators are likely to dismiss this clear-cut evidence of haunting as a light leak or some other imperfection in the photo, but I think that the malevolent nature of these paranormal manifestations is obvious. I'm sad to report that I don't have any further information regarding the fate of the photographer or the individuals in the photograph.

"Hallowe'en Greeting. Ellen H. Clapsaddle. Painting only copyrighted by the Int. Art Pub. Co. 1912." Handwritten: "Annie Miller, 1912."

Take it from me on Hallowe'en night, Don't go out alone or you'll get a fright.

A souvenir real photo postcard.

"Independent Order of Hot Air Dispensers Membership Card. Local No. 463 - Card No. This certifies that [H. H. Melhorn?], Glen Rock, Pa., is a member in good standing of the Hot Air Dispensers, and is fully qualified to supply hot air on any and all occasions. James Gasbag, president. Wm. Buttonholer, sec'y."

"Hot Air Post Card. Address, any old place. Holding hands a specialty. Wholesale and retail dealer in love, kisses, and up-to-date hugs. I have no agents, I attend to this work personally. Give me a trial. Sole proprietor of lover's row. Special attention to other people's friends. Address: any old place. Holding hands a specialty." Printed on the back of the postcard: "Copyright 1907, by E. W. Wilson, post card publisher, 278 B Tremont St., Boston, Mass."

"Potato Chips, 1¢, Packed for Interstate Biscuit Co., Bronx, New York. Net weight one-quarter ounce or over. Before eating. After eating." For a similar item, see I Eat at the Royal Coffee Shoppe / I Don't :

A novelty advertising card for country musician Hank Keene's radio show that gives instructions for experiencing an afterimage of Keene's silhouette. Magic Picture - Hank Keene Keep your eyes on the white spots on the face and count slowly up to fifty. Then turn away from the picture and look at one spot on the ceiling. The picture will then appear before your eyes on the ceiling. If you keep your eyes on one spot on the ceiling the picture will appear and disappear several times. Amuse your friends by showing them this magic picture. Tune in on Hank Keene and his Radio Gang on station WHAS, Louisville, Kentucky, every morning except Sunday from 6:00 to 6:30 Central Standard Time.

"Pickle Dill Etchings. If the earth weighs 200,110,000,000,000,000 pounds, what will the Milkey-way? Oh, you milk maid." This early twentieth-century humorous postcard starts out with a goofy heading, "Pickle Dill Etchings," which may have been used for a series of similar postcards. Below that is a riddling question that turns out to be a silly pun–"What will the Milky Way weigh?" And the exclamation at the bottom of the card–"Oh, you milk maid!"–extends the milk allusion but also refers to a song, "I Love, I Love, I Love My Wife–But Oh! You Kid!," that was all the rage in 1909 (for a discussion of how immensely popular it became, see Jody Rosen's fascinating Slate article," How a Sexed-up Viral Hit from the Summer of '09–1909–Changed American Pop Music Forever "). The "oh you kid" catchphrase also generated many other variations. For additional examples, see Oh You Lemon! , Oh You Chestnut! , and Oh! You Lobster .

"My Wife's Up in an Airship. Words by Arthur Longbrake. Music by Ed. Edwards. Published by Longbrake & Edwards, 50 N. 8th St., Phila., Pa. Miss Camp." Handwritten: "Jane H. Banks. J.H.N., 7-22, 1911." An amusing sheet music cover featuring an early airplane (" airship " referred to any type of flying machine in 1911 when this was published, but today the term is used only for dirigibles). It's disappointing, however, to discover that the lyrics of the song (see below) express the "henpecked" husband's spiteful wish that the airplane will take his wife away permanently because "It's my one chance you see / To live here happily." For York University's copy of the sheet music, which includes a PDF version of the inside pages, see My Wife's Up in an Airship (the Web address is an alias that takes you to YorkSpace, York University's digital repository). My Wife's Up in an Airship Words by Arthur Longbrake. Music by Ed. Edwards. Jonesy was a henpecked man For him life was a joke, His wife made him give up his dough She always kept him broke; One day she said I'm going up In an airship for a ride, Then Jones pretended to be scared But he smiled on the side. And when she sailed away Some friends heard Jonesy say, Chorus: My wife's up in an airship Hooray! hip, hip, hooray! I hope she likes the trial trip So much she'll want to stay; For should she stay up in the air Ye ho! my lads, ye ho! With her up there most anywhere I'd have some peace below. Jonesy said I wished her luck When she left mother earth, But if that airship would get stuck I'd give all I am worth; I hope the lad who drives the ship Will attempt a spiral glide, Or land her in the middle of A river three miles wide. It's my one chance you see To live here happily. Chorus

Advertisement on the back cover of this small children's tracing/coloring book: "The U.S. Fleet goes first through the Big Ditch. Red Rose of Lancaster brand coffee stands first in flavor with all coffee users. It's as 'Fragrant as Its Name.' Roasted, blended, and packed by M. S. Miller Co., Lancaster, Pa....1914, Kaufmann & Strauss Co." This booklet is an advertising giveaway that commemorated the opening of the Panama Canal (also referred to as the "Big Ditch") in 1914. See also Santa in an Airship High Over the Panama Canal :

"X-mas Greetings. N. America. Merry Christmas Series 403." Even Santa Claus noticed the opening of the Panama Canal in 1914! See also Panama Canal Drawing Book, 1914 :