Detroit City

did you bring a ball, maurice? what? nah man! why would I do that? c'mon! I'm suddenly in the mood for some hoops! here? this place is probably toxic! yeah? well so is what you pathetically call your game. oh snap! that hurts so much. it do, don't it. I'm sure it do.

what the hell is it? this, my friend, is my solution to the traffic problem. c'mon. you're actually gonna drive that thing? I am. get in. no fucking way, man. then I suggest you get out of the way. far out of the way in fact.

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy! come here, quickly! I've made an astounding scientific breakthrough! oh? what now, doktor? I've unlocked the secret of time itself! please sit here. wow. that's really something. just lean back and relax. this won't take but a moment, and will be almost painless. what are you doing? I must insert this device deep into your frontal lobe you see. my what? won't that cause, I don't know, brain damage? oh, tut tut. don't be so petty. we are talking about one of the great discoveries of the universe! what's going to happen? do not worry. you won't remember a thing. really? yes. in fact, you will have no memories at all. ever. what's that got to do with time travel? who said anything about time travel, my boy? I'm going to free you from the artificial constraints of time! imagine! but with no brain function? well, none to speak of. but I'm working on that, trust me.

I'll have a hamburger and a coke please. a what? a hamburger with everything on it. and a coke. we don't have none a that. ok, well how about some chips then. and a coke. man, this ain't no food establishment! no? but the sign says 'snax.' snax ain't food, fool. now get on outta here. ok, well do you have another franchise location? I'll go there. you do that. maybe the kitchen's open. hope so, I'm hungry.

may I help you sir? yes, I'm looking for a gift for my wife. very good. what did you have in mind? oh, something different. not the usual earrings, etc. well, we have quite a selection of unique items. I can see that. how much for that thing over there? oh, it's on sale this week, for only $3000 US. that's a little steep, don't you think? it's a rare piece, sir. you won't find it anywhere. isn't it a used 55-gallon oil drum? yes, but the workmanship is exquisite. it is nice. will you take $2,000 for it? oh, I couldn't let it go for less than $2,750. I'll give you $2,400. cash. you drive a hard bargain, sir. it's yours. think she'll like it? it will be an unexpected treasure, I'm sure. and she can always exchange it for another color. but they're all black and white. and shades of grey, sir. there's a difference. of course. shall I wrap it up, then? no, I think I'll wear it home. very good sir.

that was quite a week you just had, donny. it was, wasn't it? fantastic. that's not what I meant. it wasn't? no. in fact, I can't believe the godawful mess you've made since you arrived. me? who the hell is gonna clean it up? hey! this place was a disaster before I got here! not like this it wasn't. so whaddya want me to do? grab a shovel and get to work. me? yeah, you. for once in your miserable worthless life. do something real. clean up your shit. but I have bone spurs! my feet might hurt! really? tell someone who cares.

nice place you got here, sol. yeah thanks. musta cost an arm and a leg. nah, just an arm. ha ha. I mean, uh, anybody I know? yeah, jimmy's. but he ain't complaining. no, he's beyond complaining I hear. yeah, way beyond it.

hey, bernie, how's it going? not good, al. not good at all. what's the problem. my past is catching up to me. I'm on a government list. no shit? why? it goes way back to my NLF days. you were in the National Liberation Front? a/k/a the Viet Cong? no. . . fighting to overthrow the corrupt South Vietnamese government in the 60s? so cool! stop! no! oh. then what's the NLF? Nasty Little Fuck. that's me. you? I wasn't well liked for a while there. I mean, not at all. and now? about the same. great.

gimme that phone, benny. I gotta call my bookie. but boss, the ball game is over. not the game. look out there. those boats are racing. I see 'em, boss. but they already started. how you gonna fix that? hey, what have I told you? anything can be fixed. even this? how? we find out which boat's gonna spring a leak, then bet on the other one. a leak? what, you want I should shoot some rowers? no! I'm a very peaceable man benny. you know that, right? glad to hear it boss.

are you attending the next meeting, comrade? no, I've a prior engagement. the chairman will not be pleased. I'm sure the central committee can carry on without me. nevertheless, you will be missed. one meeting, believe me, they'll get over it. true, comrade, but you, you. . . may not. hmmm. yes, I see your point. of course, count me in. I thought you would understand, comrade. one does what one can.

you summoned me, o great pharaoh? yes, steward. we have a little problem. problem, sire? it's the undead. they're at it again. oh no. what now? well, among other things, they've been seen in public. you know I can't abide that. makes the populace. . . anxious. true. they may be undead, but I'd rather suffer through seven plagues than have to deal with this PR problem. got it? I'm on it, master. good. now what's next on the agenda? moses, lord. he wishes an audience. that wack job? what does he want now? no idea, lord. fine, bring him in. how important can it be?

edna, you know I love you. yes, stanley. I know. and you know I would tell you anything you ask. I know stanley. there are no secrets between us at all. and I love that stanley. but why is your coat on? are you going out? yes, I am. where are you going? don't ask. I can't tell you. after what you just said? you trust me, right, edna? don't ask, stanley.

ok, lars, I give up. what is it? I'd try and explain it to you, but there's no point. well, what does this little thing do? don't touch it! it's the history eraser button, you fool! . . . um, who are you? funny, I was going to ask you the same question.

dude! you totally painted over my masterpiece! and after I used all my last spray cans on it! sorry man. I didn't know you owned this wall. what? no, of course I don't. I just tag here. and you actually thought that your bombs would be protected? well. . . yeah. there's a name for idiots like you. what's that? forget it. I'm too nice a guy to say.

I gotta hand it to you, lars, you really did it this time. yeah? what'd I do now, egon? you left the goods in the car, is what you did. so? so we're in here, while the car is way the hell out there. so go get 'em if you want 'em. that would require me to stop what I'm doing right now, see? so? and who knows when I'll ever get to do this again. you live for the moment, dontcha, egon? every second counts, lars. you should remember that. I will, I will. but I'm sure that sandwich will still be here when you get back. yeah? can I trust you, lars? you know you can. do I? sure. sort of.

say, what are these? figs, man! you know, produce! you selling this here? I sure am. you want some? you can't be doing that. whaddya mean? everyone's selling stuff here. this is a black market. whoa. you mean, like stolen merchandise? no! I mean you can only sell black stuff here. what? no kidding? afraid not. and whatever these things are you're selling, they certainly ain't black. damn. so, is there a, you know, yellow market nearby? sure is. 2 blocks down, take a left. can't miss it. for real? would I kid you about a thing like that? right. how silly of me.

eureka! what, professor? my boy, we've uncovered a major find. of historic value! what is it? clearly, it's the bony structure of a proto-pterodactyl! are you sure? oh yes. the extended beak is a dead giveaway. beak? there's a beak? and look here! 3 eye sockets! amazing! 3 eyes? on a dinosaur? we've discovered a never-before-seen sub-species! the world's only 3-eyed animal! it's a total scientific breakthrough! professor, I don't think. . . a new sub-species! I'll be famous! turn it over. maybe there's 3 more on the other side. brilliant! I never thought of that! glad I could help. I must hire a press agent! this is going to be big! stupendous! maybe even in a good way. eh? what's that? and for this I gave up a career in real estate? I'll need a new suit! right away! maybe even a tie!

cheeseburger! cheeseburger! cheeseburger! cheeseburger! and 3 chips.