Detroit City

my building has every convenience.it's gonna make life easy for me. it's gonna be easy to get things done. I'm going to relax along with my loved ones. take the highway and come up and see me. I'll be working. but if you come visit. I'll put down what I'm doing. my friends are important.

he's in here somewhere. yeah, but how are we gonna find him, sir? your orders are to search the whole place. yes, sir. and while you're at it, destroy everything you find. ah, sir? isn't that a little redundant? hmmm. I see what you're saying. ok, new orders: um. . . search. got it. nice and simple. just how we like it. that's what they say. they do?

what's he told you? nuthin' boss. not a thing. that won't last. he'll break. I dunno boss. he's a tough one. he's about to see that we're tough too. get me? you mean. . . exactly. you got the tool. use it. gee, I don't know. isn't it outlawed by, you know, the Geneva Convention or something? what're you, an expert on international law now? no boss. me neither. use it. he'll talk. but it's so. . . icky. I hate candy corn too. why else d'you think we have so much of it lyin' around? stuff makes me wanna puke. I almost feel sorry for the guy. you wanna eat that stuff yourself? me? no way! then go do it. it's fool-proof. the poor son-of-a-bitch don't know what's about to happen to him. I wouldn't wanna be him, that's for sure. for sure.

that's it. that's what? that's where my money is. in there? no. on there. what are you talking about? see those tiles? they aren't really tiles. what are they? my money. after a little molecular engineering. interesting. but why are you telling me? can't I trust you? sure. you bet. have we met? great.

what does it mean? hold on, I think it's coming to me. yeah? got it. it's a code. it is? what does it say? it says, "nora, u r 2 cute." oh daddy.

say, alice, you wanna go out tonight? ok, ralph. where are you taking me? there's this little place in the city. the city? is it safe? oh sure. nuthin' to worry about. I don't know. my parents, they don't let me go there. . . just wear your, you know, boots. on a date? and maybe waders, too. are we catching frogs? I hope that's the only thing we catch.

hey, maurice, you going to the party? nah. sounds like a drag. you should go. it could be pretty cool. who's gonna be there? you know, the usual crowd. man, they're no fun. I'm thinking this time might be different. why? we get to wear a cod-piece. I’m there.

good morning, herr doktor. my boy! I've done it! done what, doktor? I've proven that life existed before earth was formed! that's impossible. not at all! it's true! but that means. . . yes! we are all aliens! then where did we come from? who knows! possibly a bacteria-like organism, or even simple nucleotides from an older part of the galaxy! really? possibly reaching earth by hitchhiking an inter-stellar ride on a comet, asteroid, or other organic space debris! ha ha! life existed before earth. wow. so what do we do about it? what else my boy? drink! I love these discoveries. me too! pass the vodka!

you summoned me, lord ba'al? yes. why isn't the divine remodeling I ordered complete? we are striving to comply, lord, but. . . where is the red flock wallpaper? the pink and green chintz curtains? my marble likenesses in extreme flagrante delicto? the artisans are hard at work, but. . . I had to down tons of viagra to model for those, you know. it will be an unparalleled shrine to your amazing taste, o craven one. in fact, I'm still a little, you know, tender. we pray for the health of your. . . thing, lord. yes, well, that's good.

welcome, my son. but the service has ended. that's ok, padre, I'm here for the fish fry. I'm sorry, there's no fish fry. what? I thought all churches do that. almost. not here though. just my dumb luck. pick a church with no fish fry. ain't that a bitch. however, you could join us in our daily bible class. followed by milk and cookies? we could probably arrange that. I'm a believer. count me in.

how was confession, stanley? actually, edna, it was great! really? yeah! father herb told me that all those things we aren't a sin! what? none of them? just about! can you believe it? not even. . . you know. not even that! the lord doesn't care! who knew? wow. and what about that other thing? you mean. . . ? yeah. father herb says forget it. that's a sin. definitely. it is? yeah. but screw it! that's what confession is for, right? yay!

what's up, earl? nothing much, vern. how's the ride? I'm liking it. you ever gonna paint it? what do you mean, vern? I mean it don't seem to have no paint job. here's the thing, vern. the car goes so fast, atmospheric friction strips the paint right off. you don't say. and another thing. eat shit, vern. that fast, eh? believe it.

hey roy, let's go eat. sure. you drive. ok. car's right here. what? in there? yeah. there a problem? I mean, they let you? it's mine. don't need permission. cool. taxes are a bitch though. tell me about it. yeah? that tower over there is not cheap. c'mon! I gave you a good price. yeah, but still.

dude! there's a party! c'mon! whose is it? who cares! let's go! we'll get wasted! didn't we get thrown out last night trying to pull that? what's your point? you got me there.

Ig Nobel Prize good morning, herr doktor, how are you? my boy! isn't it marvelous? I've won the greatest prize of all! you mean a Nobel prize? better! I've won the far rarer and more prestigious Ig Nobel prize! Ig Nobel? great! I guess. what did you win for? for my revolutionary demonstration that the problem of illegally parked luxury cars can be solved by running them over with an armored tank! yeah, I remember that experiment. it was so. . . groundbreaking. caused a bit of a stir in the neighborhood too. indeed! I preferred your experiment for advising colonoscopy doctors how to minimize the chance that their patients will suddenly explode. that was. . . illuminating. yes, if somewhat messy. but never mind that! we must celebrate! sure! with champagne? actually, I thought we'd sweep up in the lab a bit. you think it needs it? maybe a little.

what are we doing here? I had to. why? I've been coming here for years. so? I can't explain it. does it have anything to do with the fact that you work here, father? well, there's that. somehow I thought so.

what are you doing here? I like to hang out in the city. like, with me? of course! awesome.

what are you guys doing? we're just waiting on the bus. there ain't no bus here. is too. you think that's a bus stop you're in? well, yeah. isn't it? for sure.