My Life Is in Ruins

is that a book you're reading? yeah. what about it? haven't you heard? that author's blacklisted by the committee on morality and state security. no way. I like the way this guy writes. well, don't like it too much, if you know what I mean. why, somebody gonna check up on me? you never know. might have already happened. I thought this was a free country. whatever gave you that silly idea? must have been implanted. now you're making sense. really? that's depressing as hell. true.

t's such a hot day. can you turn the air on? I would, edna, but it's not working . not working? well have someone come fix it! I would, but. . . but what, stanley? I need air conditioning! well, you have to close the windows first, and. . . I know that! don't you think I know that? well, I'm just saying. that might not be possible. and why not? it's the window glass. I mean, the absence thereof. . . men! it's always something with you! yes, dear. I know.

sir! sir! come to the bridge! quick sir! what is it broderick? I'm trying to enjoy my coffee. sir! we're increasing speed rapidly! what do you mean? we're. . . we're beyond the speed of light! sir! that's impossible, broderick, you know that. don't tell me, sir! tell einstein. oh my god!! what? what? I don't believe it! it's a super nova! sir! gadzooks! it's turning into a black hole! we're being sucked into it! we're doomed! and I had to finish off that 5th of whiskey last night. I've always loved you, broderick. sir! listen! the radio! they're playing my song!

joey! I thought I told you to clean your room! yes, momma. and I meant it, young man! I know, momma. so what are you waiting for? spiderman. he told me he'd clean it for me. oh did he? yes he did. and he don't lie, momma. do he spank? I don't think so. you best get ready for a spanking then. because I doubt he's gonna show.

I got a great idea, man. is that so? that would be a first. no, I'm serious. this is gonna be great. so tell me. we turn this place into a casino, see? a casino? you nuts? all the high rollers will be here. we'll be rich! and how are you gonna do that? this place is trashed! it'll be easy. are you in? definitely. soon as you show me the money. say what? so that and I'll think about it. oh. maybe I need a better idea. let me know when it comes to you. you'll be the first. lucky me.

what is it, edwards? it's a signal. I think. far away, but closing. is it one of us? definitely not. it's nothing I ever heard before. could be french then. yeah, probably.

let's go on this ride, stanley. the tunnel of love. really, edna? that's so lame. don't you love me, stanley? c'mon baby, you know I do. well then. . . ? oh, ok. get in the boat. let's go. oh, stanley. hey, what's that music? it's led zeppelin! no! not that nascent heavy metal guitar noise! not now! just give in to it, edna. I did that once, stanley. remember? yeah, the back seat of my '49 mercury. such a romantic memory. what can I say? I'm a romantic kind of guy. if only. rock on, boys.

what have you been up to, man? oh, you know, I'm writing a book. yeah? what's it about? mostly about growing up in this place. you mean, how it affected you? all that? yeah. it was a tough life there, for a while. but you overcame it, right? maybe. we'll see. what do you have to see? if I can get the hell out of here, for a start. really? not me. I'm staying. I love it here. no way. what is there to love? just look at it. you can't find this anyplace else. and you're saying that's a good thing? well, maybe not.

look at this, sally. isn't it cool? what is it, joey? I dunno. but it's too cool to pass up. ok, but you're still taking me out tonight, right? no way. I gotta concentrate on this. it's so cool! but, joey! what about our relationship? what? fuck that!

can you believe they want to raise our taxes? unreal. it's total class warfare, is what it is. this commie wealth redistribution has to stop. I mean, I may have to sell one of my airplanes. too horrible to even consider. say, I don't believe we've been introduced. oh, I just saw this fancy party, and wandered in. how interesting. you weren't actually invited? no, and it will be more interesting once you give me your wallet. my. . . what did you say? I'm taking this wealth redistribution thing literally. so it appears. nice and easy now. my little friend here gets nervous. your little. . . oh. I see. wouldn't want that. the watch and ring too, if you don't mind. not at all. that's the spirit.

mail for you, lord. shall I open it? what is it, archangel? an invitation. to ba'al's. . . birthday party. he wants me at his party? are you serious? he's having it at a palatial ballroom, in detroit. do you suppose it's a trick, archangel? you mean because it's in detroit? no! because it's ba'al! that no-good fraud! oh, yes, lord. I see. but you can bring a guest. oh? but who should that be, do you think? what about artemis, lord? remember? oh yes. she is a cutie. you think she'd go? how can she say no? to. . . you, lord? I do have that certain je ne sais quoi, don't I. your cup runneth over, lord, in that regard. you really think so? totally. I read your fan mail.

what's for dinner, pop? your mother's making spaghetti, with her special sauce. cool. why're you draping that sheet all over yourself? I'm going out. so? so this is a new shirt! I don't wanna drip sauce all over it! you watch your mouth! your mother's sauce don't drip! no? no! it don't taste, but it don't drip!

I'm the one who wants to be with you. deep inside I hope you feel it too. (but I'm not counting on it).

I'm hungry. let's go get something to eat . ok. where you wanna go? ah, I don't care. we'll just hit some dive. man, don't you have any standards? whaddya mean? you'll go anywhere? and eat anything? well, yeah. what's your point? you'll take whatever slop they dump on your plate? that's me. the greasier, the better. ok. me too. just making sure.

damn it, I have to go to the dentist. so? what's the big deal? he's gonna drill. man, I hate that. just remember: no pain, no gain. right? easy for you to say, you toothless wonder. just part of my plan to simplify all things. it definitely helps your smile. you really think so? not so much. close your mouth.

are you aware of the redistribution of electron density? actually I am. it's through molecular sigma bonds. everyone knows that. well I am shocked. how did you know it? public school. you can't beat it. but you never even graduated. yeah. I scare myself sometimes. you scare me too. but then, you always did. that's what big brothers do, right? isn't 30 years long enough? I'll let you know. good of you. no problem.

is this where it happened? yeah, up in the bell tower. what was he doing up there? he was afraid of heights and didn't want to go. but I told him that he had to face his fears. did he? he did. and then he fell. I guess his fears were pretty realistic, then. yeah, he was a very rational kind of guy. not that it did him much good, I guess. no, not so much.

hey man, you seen a bunny come by here? sure haven't. don't see too many bunnies in this place. this one's special. would have to be, to wanna hang around here. he thinks for himself. it's how he was raised. by you? no way. he taught me everything I know. I guess he is special, then. totally. so, ah, you got any, ah, lettuce? lettuce? nah. afraid I'm all out. not even a nibble? it's been so long. sorry. bummer.