rock 'n roll

sir, our field agent brought this to us. what does it mean, corporal? the stones contain a code. very complex, sir. can you interpret? somewhat. they seem to be a signal, or a warning. warning? of what? hard to say. it's very ancient. but whoever wrote it hates a guy named inspector clouseau. who's he? I dunno sir. should we bring in the CIA? national security demands it. good idea, sir.

sir! enemy forces are massed outside the walls! have the archers ready. sir! I don't think that will be enough. sir. why not, centurion? well, you see sir. our walls are little stones. what do you mean? they look pretty big to me. yes sir, but the enemy is. . . well it's huge sir! how huge? like they blot out the sun, sir! ok. well that is pretty big, isn't it. what does the enemy look like? like children sir! impossibly monstrous children. in bathing suits. interesting disguise. commence firing. sir! yes sir!

uh-oh. this is not good. what do you mean? the aliens' scouting force left this message. we found it just in time. what should we do? we gotta change the message. how are we gonna do that? just re-arrange some of these rocks. what'll that do? maybe send them to wal-mart instead of the white house. I don't know if wal-mart would like that. well, that depends on if the aliens like to shop, doesn't it?

dude! that is one sweet sleeping bag! you cannot sleep in it. it's mine. just for one night! don't even think about it! comfy! dammit! get out! nighty night. hey! who took my last twinkie?

check out my latest creation, archangel. what do you call it, lord? I don't know. what would be a good name? I'm thinking granite, lord. granite. sounds good. what's it mean? existential entropy, or something. good enough. granite it is.

the high priest wants another sacrifice to ba'al. another one? man, we've done so many today! yeah, I know. but he's on a roll. shit, larry, we're gonna run out of nubile virgins! tell me about it. actually, the last 3 were fakes. what?! yeah. not actually virgins. don't tell anyone. but ba'al demands virgins! that's his thing! maybe he won't notice. maybe he'll get tired. tired? ba'al can get tired? of virgins? I hope so. because he ain't gonna like the next batch. where are you finding them? the after-school soccer mom meeting. oy. well, I guess they'll just have to do. hey, they look pretty good to me. yeah, but you are such a horndog. very true. now go get the next willing victim.

I suggest you don't get any closer. why? it's a bunch of rocks. you go over there, you're not coming back. what're you talking about, man? it all started here. it's like a black hole. say what? I'm just telling you. be warned. don't go there. put down the crack pipe, dude. be real. I'll inform your friends. maybe they'll miss you. hey, I'm not going anywhere. say hello to ralph. you'll be joining him. I don't know any ralph. you will.

it's telling us we're on the right path. how would they know that? who? whoever put this here. how would they know our path? obviously, because they are a superior race to ours. it's a pile of rocks. what's superior about that? it's survived for eons. that means something. yeah, I suppose. exactly. now, which way from here? don't ask me. I'm ready to call a cab. ask him. I did. he didn't answer. those superior types are like that. very inscrutable. I've noticed.

what's it mean? I don't know. where'd you find it? I can't remember. what do you remember? that your name is pauley. no it's not. oh. well, that was about it.