Red

slave! I need you! yes, lord ba'al. look at this garbage text someone sent to me! a text? let's see. "they demolished the sacred pillar of ba'al, then tore down his temple and made it into a latrine, which it is to this day." well?! it's a quote from the bible, lord. 2 Kings 10:27. it's trash! heresy! it kind of sounds like a threat. who sent it? you know who. you mean, jehovah? he texted you? I knew I should have given him a better price on that '49 Mercury. and maybe disclosed the defective oil pump? that too.

we found it, private. what's that, sir? the portal. there it is. at last! portal to what, sir? the other side. the 4th dimension. an alternative universe! are you sure about that, sir? no question, private. my guru told me about this. was that in officer training, sir? well, no. it was allen ginsberg. at a poetry reading in 1968. oh. but he knew! he knew! of course, sir.

stanley, we're almost out of scotch. I know, edna. these people are soaking up the liquor like it's going out of style. well, they're your friends, stanley. where'd you get that idea? I thought you knew them. me? I've never seen these people before in my life! so we've got a house full of booze hounds we totally don't know? great party, though, isn't it? it is. it really is.

what are we doing here? we're giving thanks. for what, exactly? for all of our blessings, of course. I should feel blessed? you should. I have a confession to make. what's that? I hate your guts. you do? I should kick your ass right now. oh. but not here. I'll wait outside. you will? count on it.

how do you like your new car, edna? it's lovely, stanley. thank you! yeah, for being a classic, I got a great deal on it too. plus, it turns out it's had only one owner. oh? who? somebody named Baader-Meinhof. and I found some curious German literature in the glove box. it says something like "smash the state." is that a football chant, stanley? somehow I don't think so, edna.

what are you guys doing? we're just waiting on the bus. there ain't no bus here. is too. you think that's a bus stop you're in? well, yeah. isn't it? for sure.

the dear leader's new underlings were sworn in today. are they competent? they have the usual qualifications, for sure. you mean they're the absolute worst choices to run the country? yeah. that's what I mean. just shoot me now. damn. I was going to ask you. beat you to it.

what's so special about it? it takes me where I want to go. hell, my ride does that. you and I don't want to go to the same place. you may have a point.

whatcha doing? workin' on the car. yeah? which one? the one that might have a chance of actually running one day. so, neither of these two, then, right? I prefer to maintain a positive attitude. while taking the bus? maybe.

put it in there. what, there? all of it? yeah. all of it. I don't think it'll fit. do your best. but what if there's some left over? you eat it. eat it!? I can't eat this! then you better make it fit. you know? I'm thinking it'll fit. me too.

hey vern! today's the day for the big vote. I know. I can't make it. you gotta! the party leadership needs you! yeah? tell them I can't make it. vern, the president is counting on you! he is? big time! good to know. tell him I can't make it too. but why? you know that little incentive I got? from the coal guys? yeah, that one. it bounced. it bounced? yeah. so I can't make it. I see. so democracy's integrity stays intact? such as it is. sure.

isn't it a beautiful sunset, edna? it is, stanley. just perfect. shall I allow the servants to see it? but they're busy preparing dinner, stanley! of course. foolish of me. you know how dedicated they are to us1 I do. it's so. . . gratifying. don't you think? you can never go wrong by treating people right, stanley. so true dear. pass me a truffle, would you? of course.

why are we here? man, whatchoo mean? we here for this. what is this? this! this right here! we are here for this! shit. that's deep. course it is! and don't forget it.

so listen to this. I hear neutrinos can travel faster than the speed of light. yeah? so what? so what? it means time travel is possible, chester! no shit, vern? damn! but where would we go? for starters, we could watch the game again! why would we want to do that? we seen it. dude! it had a great fight! c'mon! I'm there!

hey vinny. new ride? yeah joey. hop in. let's go. where to? I'm thinking california. like right now? you got someplace else you gotta be? well, no. but what about gas money? that's why you're here, right? nice. very nice.

does it speak to you? oh yeah. what does it say? you really wanna know? I do! ok. we're going to hell. oh. bummer.

my friend just got a job at the White House. yeah? aren't those hard to get? not so much. she used to work in the oil industry. that makes it easier? way easier. what job is it? editing orders to overturn water quality rules. editing? yeah. the oil industry writes them. she inserts his name and he signs. that doesn't sound. . . ethical. what's your point?

I must say, edna, I love it out here in the country. me too, stanley. it's so simple and rustic. you make it that way, dear. you're so sweet. have the help serve the twinkies, would you?