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autofantasia

autofantasia club

Posted: 22 Aug 2019

Taken: 22 Aug 2019

29 favorites     24 comments    796 visits

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Lost in the Dark ...

Lost in the Dark ...
For years the black dog has chased me in the darkness. I ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore. Then recently a light shone on me and I started to believe maybe, just maybe, things could get better.

But today that light disappeared and the darkness is all around once again. My sense of hopelessness has returned and so has the black dog.

What's more he seems bigger and stronger than before while I feel weaker than ever, so weak I don't feel I have it in me to keep fighting him.

And it leaves me wondering is there really any point in continuing this fight. Maybe it's time to just let him win.

Andrew Trundlewagon, DOMCHO, Taormina, and 25 other people have particularly liked this photo

24 comments - The latest ones
 Malik Raoulda
Malik Raoulda club
C'est pas possible,il ne peut pas t'avoir,il essaye mais tu es toujours la..
Voila ce qui est écrit a l'ouverture de ma page..
« Il n'y a pas d'échec, sauf à ne plus essayer.»
4 years ago.
 Jean
Jean
I like the simplicity of your image and the rich depth of the blue eye. The writing is so good I'm not sure if it is a quotation or you writing of your own feelings. It reminds me of how I felt years in the past. I was ready to give up but decided to make one last effort to get help and by good fortune I got it.
4 years ago.
 Dominique 60
Dominique 60 club
très poignant ....... combattre, toujours combattre , c' est la seule solution !!
gros soutien de ma part ..... amitiés .
4 years ago.
 Pics-UM
Pics-UM club
Hallo Paul, ich bin mir nicht sicher ob deine Bildbeschreibung dein Foto oder deine persönliche Situation beschreibt. Es macht keinen Sinn, den schwarzen Hund und die Dunkelheit gewinnen zu lassen, dass Licht kommt wieder! Nicht immer schafft man das allein, manchmal benötigt man dazu Hilfe und vielleicht wäre es gut, wenn du dich darauf konzentrierst. Gruß Uwe
4 years ago.
 Champland
Champland
De tout coeur avec vous .
4 years ago.
 Boarischa Krautmo
Boarischa Krautmo club
Dogs mustn't win. Never ever.
4 years ago.
 Trudy Tuinstra
Trudy Tuinstra club
nice
4 years ago.
 Shuttering Yukon
Shuttering Yukon
Hey doc it's so good seeing you, I missed you! And never ever let the black dog win! Fight to the end my friend. Fight with all you have!
4 years ago.
 Berny
Berny club
I wish you all the best, Paul. And paint the dog white, or blue, or whatever, don't fight him, ignore him!
4 years ago. Edited 3 years ago.
 tiabunna
tiabunna club
We have an organisation here called "Beyond Blue". They suggest asking the question I'll run past you - R.U.O.K. Paul?
4 years ago.
autofantasia club has replied to tiabunna club
Rarely these days George and there's very little chance of that changing, but I appreciate you asking!
4 years ago.
tiabunna club has replied to autofantasia club
Good to hear from you, Paul. I hope you are able to call on support. Stay strong.
4 years ago.
 autofantasia
autofantasia club
Thanks to everyone for their kind words and supportive comments. I'm still here, still fighting, just wish I felt better than I do. Take good care of yourselves people!
4 years ago.
 Jean
Jean
I’m glad you are still fighting. Be as kind to yourself as you can. I’m fighting physical pain just now so when I’m in a down I’ll remember you and that you’re fighting too.
4 years ago.
 Taormina
Taormina club
:(
3 years ago.
 sea-herdorf
sea-herdorf club
O ja, der schwarze Hund läßt sich besiegen, Paul.
Alles Gute Dir
Freundliche Grüße und einen guten Abend
Erich
3 years ago.
 Treasa Ui Cionaodha
Treasa Ui Cionaodha
Don't give in Paul. Keep on fighting. Hopefully you will find the light again. Fight Fight and keep on fighting. Sorry you have this terrible situation. All my best wishes to you Regards Tess
3 years ago.
 Jean
Jean
I think of you often and hope that things are better for you in spite of the pandemic. Don't give up. Take care of yourself. Stay safe.
3 years ago.
 tiabunna
tiabunna club
Many thanks for your visit. Hang in there, Paul.
3 years ago.
autofantasia club has replied to tiabunna club
Thanks for that George, doing the best I can in these difficult times ... stay safe!
3 years ago.
 Annalia S.
Annalia S.
Such a strong, beautiful image for such anguished, desperate words, Autofantasia. But then, as if by magic, in your next post the deep black well gives way to playful light! They say artists feel more strongly and that is all very good and well for us lucky ones who get to enjoy their beautiful work, but for the artists themselves ... what a rollercoaster! Hang in there, my new Ipernity friend. Would it help any to tell you that discovering your images had my eyes and heart doing cartwheels?
3 years ago.
autofantasia club has replied to Annalia S.
I wouldn't call myself an artist, but I do try and be as artistic as my limited skills will allow. As for your other kind words they did indeed help to lift my spirits!
3 years ago.
 Valfal
Valfal
What a very artistic representation of the darker side of moods. I do hope that you are getting along better these days, Paul. I too have battled the darkness of depression, so I understand completely what a monster it can be.
3 years ago.
 autofantasia
autofantasia club
Glad you like what I tried to do here Val and I'm sorry that you've had to battle depression too. Hopefully, you're in a better place these days, I myself am still struggling, but I do what I can.

I appreciate it means many different things to different people and I guess much of that comes down to the cause and whether or not it is a one off. Mine is unfortunately quite severe and chronic in its nature. I liken it to almost being like a cancerous tumour, you can't see it, but its there and most of the time it goes almost unnoticed at least to those around you.

Over the years it's affected me in so many ways resulting in me losing most of my long-term memories and my day to day cognitive abilities have been reduced dramatically. I've lost my career, friends and often any sense of hope, but I guess the main thing is that I'm still here, still fighting it and I'm grateful in a way for that because I know many people who've had similar problems are not.

Anyway, on that cheery note let me just wish you well as I gather from your comments elsewhere that you've recently undertaken a significant move. I hope you and your husband enjoy your new life in Florida.
3 years ago. Edited 3 years ago.

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