#055: communication 

Communication.

It's always been hard for me to explain what i mean. To find the right words that get through from me to the recipient. From the reactions i could tell that what i said or wrote was not what arrived at the other side. I used to try and find other words, try other ways of communication, show, speak, write without success. It was killing me cause everything just got worse. Trying to be understood just made the others go crazy. I should have better kept my mouth shut sometimes or put some mails, sms, letters in the trashcan instead of sending them to avoid misunderstanding, fights and pain.

My posture, gestures and facial expression always seem to have added to being misunderstood. I am a shy and quiet person, distant and reserved to those I don't know. It's some kind of shelter i adopted over the years - not arrogance. I look from far and make myself a picture, trust comes later, very late sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't come at all. But it's no selfishness. I care a lot about other peoples wealth, health and good mood. I'd give away almost everything to see some people be happy .
Those that have been interested to know what's behind my "mask", behind my skin, know that I don't ever mean and I don't even like to look sad or mean, arrogant or selfish. Those that have asked the right questions came to know that I am a very warm-hearted man with a lot of love and energy to give. Those that showed real interest have made a real good friend, one they can rely on, one that can be trusted. But also one that can not being taken for granted.

I know now that i still have a lot to learn concerning communication. But it's always a two-sided thing. There must be a will to understand on the recipients side. Not only a will to be understood within the senders mind and heart.