my home planet

scout team one calling base. I read you, scout team. what is it? we have a problem. we're stuck on this planet, and don't know how to get off. what do you mean? just beam up like usual. yeah, well, we'd love to, but we sort of lost our device. whaddya mean, you sort of lost it? well, you see, they have these things here called cell phones? so? yeah, well we accidentally picked up one of those, and left our device on a park bench. dammit carl! tell me about it. when we went back to get it, it was gone. so now, some human is walking around trying to make a call with an Arcturan particle beam disintegrater. jesus h. christ! he's liable to obliterate an entire building! yeah, but we've noticed that they seem to tear down everything worthwhile on this miserable excuse for a planet. so then, maybe no one will notice. that's what we're kinda hoping.

guess who this is: 'you want some more?' yeah, the bartender in '5th Element.' pretty good, huh? you are a very talented machine. thanks. it's all in my circuitry. go ahead and pour yourself a drink. well, maybe I'll have a little lubricating oil. just a taste, of course. of course.

nice leather. thanks dude. nice mohawk. yeah. like your pierced fingers, as well. toes too! sweet.

conform . consume. knowledge is evil. serve the state. obey.

don't move. don't even breathe. what's wrong? look. over there. my god! what is that? I don't know, but it's looking right at us.

I love the phosphorescent rain. but sometimes it keeps me up at night. me too. so I put on some frank sinatra records. they put me right out. wow. they let you bring those home from earth? oh yes. the Leader is a big fan. cool. dean martin too. you don't say!

we are over the target city, sir. ok. open the bomb bay doors. bombs away. you sure this is the target? what do you mean? you think those are buildings down there? aren't they? oh what the hell. let's get outta here.

they're inside that place. how many? shit, maybe thousands. what's the plan? kill 'em all, before they spread, infect the whole planet. well, duh! but how do we do it? you're going in there. not me, brother. I ain't no hero. no you're the bait. get 'em to come out. yeah, then what? me and this particle beam disintegrator will take over. won't be nothing left but the memories. fried bugs on a summer night. it's weird how they look just like people. good thing we're not fooled, eh? just another day in paradise. I can almost hear the music. yeah? vivaldi? no. led zeppelin. figures.

who chose this place for the meeting? I did. why? I don't know. just something about it. creeps me out. yeah, now that you mention it. kinda bright in here. right. you don't think we, you know, stand out a little? I'd say so.