Detroit City

hey, Gary, what's up? guess what Marv. I'm getting the band back together. what? I thought they all, you know, died. like years ago. yeah. it was tragic. so. . . so they're back. kinda. you know that sounds a little wierd, right? yeah, but having Scooter on guitar, and Richie, with a voice like an angel. did you say angel? or something. you got a gig? oh yeah. down by the cemetery. tonight. let me guess. at midnight? you saw the flyer? no need.

guess what, Edna. I got a new car! that's great, Stanley. what kind? it comes in a kit! I get to put it together! so it's in parts? where are they? well, so far, they've only delivered the gas tank. this? this is a gas tank? Stanley, what kind of car did you get? evidently, a really really big one. really big.

sir! an enemy starship is closing on us fast! shields up! prepare to go to warp drive! yes, sir! ah, sir? what is it? I think I left my warp drive code book in my locker, sir! what?! you need a code book? it has pictures, and. . . things. sir! don't you just hit a button, and all the stars fly past us? that's only on TV, sir. TV? in fact, stars are light years apart from each other. to have them whizzing past every few seconds would incorrectly imply that they are very close together. I'll be damned. yes sir. by the way, that sound you heard was our shield being destroyed. the outer shell's breached. shit. so, what now, sir? now? right now I could use a stiff drink. me too. shall I make it a double? sounds good. yes, sir.

slave! I need you! yes, lord Anubis. how may I serve you? it's my palace! look at it! lord? can't you see? it's decrepit! totally unfit for a god such as myself! but lord, you just hosted a mammoth party for our great pharaoh, and he was so impressed! he was? and remember: you are the god of the dead! your palace should reflect some amount of. . . shall I say. . . decay? even. . . rot? hmmm. you really think so? I do, lord! it's you! it's so very you! well, if it's me. how about if I prepare a nice glass of embalming fluid for you, lord. yes, that may help calm me. I'll fetch your favorite mummy too. oh good. her wrapping's not too tight, is it? no, lord. I do so love unraveling her. it's reaching that last layer. it makes me just. . . tingle with anticipation. how exciting for you, lord.

we're meeting the new guy here, boss. you ever meet him? nope. so how we gonna know it's him? he said it'll be obvious. yeah? how? I got no idea. damn. I hate surprises. me too.

good morning, herr doktor. what are you working on today? hello, my boy. I'm about to begin my newest experiment. I've even come up with a title when I submit the results for publication. great. what's the subject? 'colonoscopy in the sitting position: lessons learned from self-colonoscopy.' you. . . you gave yourself a colonoscopy? me? ha ha! no way! you're going to, though! now sit here. me? take this scope. wait. that's the short one. use this. and. . . in! yow! silence! we must all sacrifice for science, my boy! (mmph)

your succession to the throne is now complete, sire. yes, chancellor, at last, my reign has begun, and with it a new era for this realm. now that you have this historic opportunity, what shall be your first decree, sire? my first decree? you really want to know? indeed, sire. your loyal subjects throughout the kingdom await with bated breath. what I want to know, chancellor. . . yes, sire? yes? what I want to know, is. . . where da women at? the. . . what, sire? yeah. where dem womens at? get 'em over here! you want. . . women? yeah, fool! and the crown jewels too! bring 'em here! I. . . I suddenly fear for the future of the kingdom. we gonna party like its 2084! yeah!

hello? may I help you? yes, you have an apartment for rent? we do! it's a charming unit, in a very substantial and historic building. good to know. but tell me: is it. . . bulletproof? bullet. . . er. . . why do you ask, er, sir? I have certain needs, you see. of course! I understand completely! well, as a matter of fact, I believe. . . that is. . . yes! you're sure? quite sure! very well. I'll simply run one or two tests. tests? take appropriate cover, in, let's say, 10 minutes? what. . .? the armament. it tends to ricochet. yes, of course it would, wouldn't it? and mind the shrapnel. shrapnel? explosive ordnance. oh my. well! I very much look forward to executing a lease with you! excellent. but don't ever use that word again. what. . . ? oh. yes, sir! I mean, no, sir! good.

hey,man, wanna take in a game? I can't. gotta do something for the old lady. hey, don't listen to her! there's a game! you've never been married, have you. no. so? so shut the fuck up. you have no clue. dude, I'm sorry to hear that. yeah, well, love is strange. gee, that sounds like a. . . you know, a song. almost. almost.

ticket, please, sir. ticket? I don't have a ticket. I'm sorry, then, but I can't allow you into the theater. there's something happening here? oh yes. our annual musical fling! really? but this place is. . . a burned out shell! yes, we pride ourselves on realistic set design. say. are you really an usher? of course! and come to think of it, I do have one available seat in the balcony. great! mind the rusty bolts. bolts? they can be somewhat uncomfortable on the, uh, buttocks. oh. do you have, ah, seat cushions? I do! that'll be $50. when does the show start? as soon as I have the money! I mean, momentarily, sir.

I got us a new hide-out, boss. it's a penthouse! sounds good, ernie. take the steamer trunks with all the loot and let's go. trunks? ah. . . what's the problem? well, it's just that. . . what? this place is, you know, very secluded. yeah? so? I don't think those trunks are gonna fit inside the. . . the metal ladder cages. the what? you know, the kind that go up the outside of the building, to get to the, ah, you know, penthouse. you mean I gotta climb a ladder to get to this place? you'll love it! it's got great views! yeah? and what about my loot? I don't suppose we got a helicopter?

good morning, herr doktor. ah, there you are, my boy. come, sit here. what are we working on today? it's my latest breakthrough in cryptozoology! drink this. crypto. . . ? down the hatch! that's my boy. what did I just drink? you'll know when you start to grow fangs and lots and lots of hair! what. . . ? wait while I attach these manacles. can't be too careful! doktor. I feel. . . weird. secure! just in time! GRRRRR! what did I just say? it's alive! ha ha! RRROWW-RRRROWWWFFFF! just like that, another new species! I really must congratulate myself. AAAOOOOOO! no, no. it's a little early for lunch. but your replacement will be here soon. how does that sound? RRRREEE! good. I'm pleased too.

Egmont Overture, sir. reporting for my first day of work. good. got your college degree, Overture? oh yes, sir! excellent. this insurance company places a high value on education! now, see this pile of paper? yes sir. these are new claims. I want you to deny them. all of them, sir? of course, all of them! so I assume they're, what. . . fraudulent? no, you idiot! these are legitimate! we use high schoolers to deny the fraudulent claims! oh. . . have them done by noon. you'll get more. stay productive, Overture! yes, sir.

this is the place. so keep the noise down. what for? who could be here? it's not who. it's what. the hell does that mean? you don't wanna know. ok. now you're starting to freak me out. good. you're making it up, right? you wanna believe that? then don't look behind you. no! what?! better.

what'll you have, buddy? gimme a Malignant Narcissist, barkeep. what's in it? simple. Lysol and orange juice. I just heard it was great. orange juice I got. Lysol though? check under the bathroom sink. good idea.

who pays for the next round? I believe that would be you, my friend. you always say that. I'll arm wrestle you for it. loser pays. ok, then you might as well get the money out now. oh yeah? why's that? see this hand? it's a lethal weapon. no kidding. I am totally serious. is that why you paint your nails? er, that's just a subterfuge. to confuse the opponent. if you ask me, it's someone else who's confused. well, I couldn't decide between pink and green. tough choice. tell me about it.