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marooned on a strange planet
scout team one calling base. I read you, scout team. what is it? we have a problem. we're stuck on this planet, and don't know how to get off. what do you mean? just beam up like usual. yeah, well, we'd love to, but we sort of lost our device. whaddya mean, you sort of lost it? well, you see, they have these things here called cell phones? so? yeah, well we accidentally picked up one of those, and left our device on a park bench. dammit carl! tell me about it. when we went back to get it, it was gone. so now, some human is walking around trying to make a call with an Arcturan particle beam disintegrater. jesus h. christ! he's liable to obliterate an entire building! yeah, but we've noticed that they seem to tear down everything worthwhile on this miserable excuse for a planet. so then, maybe no one will notice. that's what we're kinda hoping.
tan lines on cool sheets. what could be better? a long island iced tea, maybe? coming right up.
What We Think is What We See (I Think)
what's up man? I'm reading. yeah? who? Wallace Stevens. 'let us build the building of light' he didn't write that. of course he did. nah. I think it sounds more like prince. you would.
je me souviens de dien bien phu
that's where we gotta go. I don't see it. where is it? it's out there. and we gotta go now. just you and me? well, there ain't nobody else here, is there? yeah, but why us? it looks far. it'll be a snap, you'll see. just don't get too near the edge. what? why not? big fish out there. real big. bite your head off if you let 'em. no way! especially a tasty morsel like yourself. hey, I ain't so tasty, ok? you know it, and I know it. but those monsters out there? they don't know it.
how are we getting there? we'll take the canoe. across the lake? it's not that far. will you paddle? sure. ok, hand me my pillow? and my drink, thanks. my pleasure, beautiful.
it's gotta be a signal. from who? obviously, from a civilization far superior to ours. why? it's just a pile of rocks around a piece of wood. ah, but look at it. the form. the function. yeah. a bunch of rocks on a big stick. I bet it's been here from generations. right. generations of sand flies, maybe. truly, this is hallowed ground. hey. hallow this. I'm hungry. let's eat. I must first commune with this vestige of deity. right. call me when the starship lands. the key to all life in the universe. I've found it. good for you. I'm gonna go find the key to a hot dog. with chili and onions? of course. I'm sure the starship will wait.
do you ever pray? I've been praying since I got here. lotta good it'll do you. well it can't hurt, can it?
good evening, herr doktor. oh my. what is that terrible smell? hello, miss doolittle. this is where we released the spawn last year. now we shall see the results. doktor! why are you tying me to a tree? in the name of science. we must complete our experiment. but doktor, must I be naked? all will be revealed in time, miss doolittle. doktor! that noise. what is it? yes, let me investigate. I. . . OH MY GOD!!! NO!!! doktor? where are you? doktor? NO, NOT ME YOU FOOL!! HER! AAAAGH!!! doktor? where. . . OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!!! STOP!! NO!! mmmmm. actually, that feels. . . good. you are such a BEAST!! are you there, doktor? (gurgle)
man, when will this fog ever lift? what gives you the idea that this is fog, son? well, I don't know. . . it looks like fog. it's them. make no mistake. they're here. them? it's gonna be a battle of civilizations, count on it. but. . . to the winner goes the spoils. in this case, earth. what are you talking about? you doubt me? just take a walk down the beach. there? you won't come back. at least not in human form. it can't be. stay and watch. it's definitely gonna be messy. but I'm on vacation! yeah. reality sucks, doesn't it? totally.