stranger in a strange land

pardon me, sir, but what is this place?
why, this is the west.
the west? the west of what?
it's the great American west. are you lost?
the American west? in what quadrant is that?
quadrant? I don't rightly know
wait a minute. isn't this Altair-4?
Altair. . . what did you say?
this is the Andromeda system, isn't it?
Andromeda? where on god's green earth is that?
Earth? are you shitting me? I'm on. . . Earth?
well, yes.
great. I'm on fucking Earth. just great!
whoa, take it easy there buster. actually, we like it here.
of course you do. we designed it for cretins.
pardon me?
I knew that asteroid belt would throw me off! I should have never over-ridden the ion drive! shit!
I don't know nothing about no asteroids or ion drives, but how about a nice cup of coffee?
fine, whatever. the Council will have my 2nd head for this. hell, maybe all 3 of them.
you, uh, take it with cream?
no, hot and black. just like my woman.
funny. where'd you hear that one?
we've been monitoring your sophomoric transmissions for years.
how does that joke rate?
It's one of our favorites, actually.
good to know.