For The Record

"...when did i become a grown up?..."

not in my plans to do so.

as du Tabac's sister always says: "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

haha! i like the looks of your sister. i need some feisty new friends...does she like dancing?

not to worry- i try to fit some childlike fun into every day.

my father's suicide and my mom's death from lung cancer were life changing events but they aren't completely the reason for growing up.

i was also reflecting on the idea that my parents are gone and now i'm losing my dear friend who has so many memories of me and my whole family. and the unjustness of him dying of cancer at 56 contrasted with my father's selfish impulse to shoot himself at age 55.

it's the thought processes. busy damn brain.

the sister no longer boogies as a consequence of back surgery but has other outlets for her surfeit of energy and the discharge of bad karma.

as to the other...dT tries to stay a little Long-View Tao; ya know: "you can look back; don't stare." ...

but then he also suspects that those who have 'died' are snickering at us..

i'm sorry about your sister's back probs. glad she could find other outlets.


hmm, haven't thought about being laughed at by dead people. am a bit paranoid about my parent's being able to see everything i do now- as some people believe.

ah well, i keep plunging forward anyway.

oh, the back issues are well in hand...

now if our ancestors can see us, dT doubts that they're sitting around going, "tsk."

i think one knows, comprehends, understands all things in eternity, including our own hearts; that all is explained and reconciled in a way beyond our feeble earthly faculties.

was it a Russian(?) folk-saying that "Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards"?

yes, let's decide they're too busy having fun- as well as being all knowing and loving.

i've heard many different people say they believe we're completely visible to people in the afterlife.

"Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards"?
i always wished i could go back to kindergarten with all the accumulated knowledge and start over. that's kind of like the Grandfather Paradox in time- traveling isn't it?