Vogelmann's blog/

All those years

Sometimes I contemplate about: Where are all those years gone? Where is your childhood, your dreams, your weightless existance you had one day? And then I look into the mirror, see myself and all the life & history on my skin and my whole body. And I see my hair losing colour and strength, my skin losing smoothness, my body becoming less elastic. And I stand up in the mornings with an aching back and neck after I've had a bad sleep with nightmares and sweat again with countless fear energies moving in and out of me. And then I have some cigarettes and too much coffee for breakfast, too much work during the day, too less time for my kids and my whole family & friends, hunting after freedom, saying "hello" to old haunts. It's all about creating safety for those who trust me and who will blame me for failing.

Where the fuck is my butterfly-like childhood, where is my free and open heart. Who the fuck have I become and who have I been?

I am an artist in a shark business. I struggle with not becoming a whore more and more. I have to say "thankyou" for shit I don't like and I have to run after things I love. I am only 35 years old, father to two, mortgage and all that shit. Just a normal sheep, I'm just like everyone of us. God may bless my kids and save us all.