I'm not going to lie, this last week has been hell. I'm kind of weak and I can't see very well, so forgive me if I am blunt or make typos!

I had my PET Scan and my lumbar MRI; then went back to see Dr. Huang for the results. That visit was last Monday. The Lumbar MRI showed no indication of breast cancer metastisis in the lumbar region of my spine. The PET Scan showed tiny nodules (5 and 6 mm size) in my lungs. Artifact from an old illness? The left rib cage showed a troublesome spot in the bone. Healed fracture? To get a better idea, time for a chest CT Scan. I had that done on Tuesday, the next day. I was to come back on Friday morning for results.

Thursday went from back to worse. I'd weaned myself off the oxycodone and so I knew that my problem was not that. Nausea gave way to dry heaves and diarrhea. That led to extreme weakness and faintness. Heart rate went way up. All this took place in the middle of the night. Why do I always get so damn sick the night before I'm supposed to go somewhere?

Then came the "ah HAH moment". I was so sick because I didn't want to go to the doctor's for the results. I didn't want to be in this situation, period! No point in trying to remove myself from this situation because it was either going to be continued dry heaves, sitting on the bedroom floor hovered over a waste basket, or trying to get myself under control so that I could get to the morning appointment and find out if I had a chance to survive. I did a lot of crying after that because my body had tricked me and I was very angry that I had been fooled. I spent the remaining hours getting my mind back in charge of the matter that is my body.