This list is not mine but I had to post it here:
TWELVE RULES FOR RAISING DELINQUENT CHILDREN!
- Begin in infancy to give the child everything they want. In this way, they will grow up to believe the world owes them a living.
- When they pick up bad words, laugh at them. This will make them think they are cute. It will also encourage them to pick up "cuter" phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.
- Never give them any spiritual training. Wait till they are 21, then let them "decide for themselves".
- Avoid use of the word "wrong". It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition them to believe, later, when they are arrested for stealing a car, that society is against them and they are being persecuted.
- Pick up everything they leave lying around--books, shoes, clothing, etc. Do everything for them so they will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others.
- Let them read any printed matter they can get their hands on. Be careful that the drinking glasses and silverware are sterilized, but let their mind feast on garbage.
- Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. In this way, they will not be to shocked when the home is broken up later.
- Give the child all the spending money they want. Never let them earn their own. Why should they have things as "tough as you had them"?
- Satisfy their every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
- Take their part against neighbors, teachers and the policemen. They are all prejudiced against them.
- When they gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with them".
- Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it.
Not so funny, but true!