A list of all the previously listed thoughts, finds it's new home!
I may not know much, but I know the difference between chicken shit and chicken salad. - Lyndon B Johnson
A good novel tells us the truth about it's hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. - G. K. Chesterton
Compatible: Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet. - Rod Carty
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. - Mark Twain
I always wait for the Times each morning. I look at the obituary column and if I’m not in it, I go to work. - A. E. Matthews
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. - Paul Beatty
In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. - Dale Carnegie
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer. - Douglas Adams
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. - George Deukmejian
Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his. - Ronald Reagan
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away. - Phyllis Diller
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. - Spike Milligan
I only go to work on days that don't end in a 'y'. - Robert Paul
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin
When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen. - Oscar Levant
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. - Tommy Cooper
Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source. - Ron Nesen
A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it. - Alfred Hitchcock
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller
On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet. - Nick Arnette
NBC - no body cares. - Jay Leno
I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started. - Brendan Behan
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. - Albert Einstein
My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference. - Harry S. Truman (circa 1962)
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. - Mark Twain
People say that age is just a state of mind. I say it's more about the state of your body. - Geoffrey Parfitt
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died." - Tim Vine
My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade. - Harry Hill
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back! - Jerry Dennis
I always advise people never to give advice. - P. G. Wodehouse
If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S. Truman
It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week. - Laurence J Peter
There are only two kinds of men - the dead and the deadly. - Helen Rowland
When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror. - Burt Reynolds
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... - Sir Norman Wisdom
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers
A day without laughter is a day wasted. - Charlie Chaplin
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K Jerome
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? - Roseanne Barr
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. - Robert Frost
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished. - Leslie Nielsen
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali
Absence -- that common cure of love. - Miguel De Cervantes
I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting gift. It was a comb. - Scott Roeben
I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me. - Anonymous
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. - Bill Cosby
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. - Dave Allen
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. - Billy Connolly
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. - Emo Philips
The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved. - Victor Hugo
Good pictures are the result of long study rather than chance. - Edward S. Curtis
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. - Fr Jerome Cummings
To be prepared is half the victory. - Miguel De Cervantes
Plan your work for today and every day, then work your plan. - Norman Vincent Peale
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. - William Feather
One person with a belief is equal to ninety-nine who have only interests. - John Stuart Mill
Failing to plan is planning to fail. - Effie Jones
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. - Homer Simpson
Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. - Ed Cunningham
Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can. - Elsa Maxwell
Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all. - Sam Ewig
Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - Lawrence J Peter
We are not in a position in which we have nothing to work with. We already have capacities, talents, direction, missions, callings. - Abraham Maslow
You must either modify your dreams or magnify your skills. - Jim Rohn
You will never find time for anything. If you want the time, you must make it. - Charles Buxton
It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. - Franklin D Roosevelt
Priorities lead to prosperity. - Michelle Singletary
Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. - Al Bundy
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
I have nothing to declare except my genius. - Oscar Wilde
Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. - Mother Teresa
A friend is someone who's there when he needs you. - Anon
A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. - Patrick Murray
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. - Charles Lamb
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. - Mario Andretti
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. - Samuel Goldwyn
A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. - Ayn Rand
Committee is a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. - M. Berle
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted. - George Best
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. - Albert Einstein
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. - David Burns
Life's a voyage that's homeward bound. - Herman Melville
No man was ever wise by chance. - Seneca
In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet. - Albert Schweitzer
When I want to read a novel, I write one. - Benjamin Disraeli
Happiness is where we find it, but rarely where we seek it. - J. Petit Senn
As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more. - Jules Renard
Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. - Thomas Jefferson
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure...
which is: Try to please everybody. - Herbert Bayard Swope
Let thy words be few. - Ecclesiastes 5:2 from Words of Wisdom
The power of imagination makes us infinite. - John Muir
Every artist was first an amateur. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. - St. Clement of Alexandra
Creativity is to think more efficiently. - Pierre Reverdy
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We are still master of our fate. We are still captains of our soul. - Winston Churchill
The best way out, is always through. - Robert Frost
He who angers you conquers you. - Elizabeth Kenny
There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start. - Charles Baudelaire
It's always too soon to quit. - Norman Vincent Peale
The furture depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi (M.K. Gandhi)
Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny. - Tyron Edwards
Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open. - Thomas Devar
If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin. - Ivan Turgenev
Never underestimate the power of a . (dot)!
Every powerful statement has to end before it!
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