Warning: Just watched a Christmas movie, just in case you wonder.

Only a couple of days, lot's of busy time (work & finding presents) and then going to my parents place. I am a little scared. I don't want it to be like every other year. First I look really forward a great Christmas and it turns out to be not. I feel overlooked, not important... and have to deal with my crazy thoughts. My mother will complain about me being selfish, my siblings just won't care about me and my boyfriend will then want more attention then ever, when I need it for myself. My father will get mad at my brother, my one sister will just care for her kids (who are weird themselves) and my other sister... don't know yet. Then the big family gathering, at our place. My fathers sibling visit, as my grandparents live in the same town as my parents do. My grandma being sick (I guess it's just the age) and me thinking again what a shame it is that I didn't question her all stuff I wanted to know. This kinda annoys me since a couple of months/years. Don't know.

My grandpa knows how to tell really good stories. And my grandma always set next to him, doing some knitting. And he told all the stories, barely she did (only when she corrected him, haha). I hope she knows how much I do love her. Sometimes I felt that she looked at me and was clear and I was so touched, it really cut me to the quick.

Oh well. And then my cousins and... who knows what else. It will be again Christmas time, and I just have to live with it, like every other year.

But that movie just brought a new idea for a present for a friend of mine: an angel. I guess she'll like that. She's not religious at all, but I like the thought that there is then somebody looking over her. Just need to go to the Xmas market and find one.... ;)